Total Humor Island
by 100TenMillion
Summary: The best jokes, comedy sketches and parodies, as interpreted by YOUR favorite campers!
1. Chapter 1

Total Humor Island

Episode 1: Oh SHIT!! Number 1

A trembling, sobbing Lindsay was at the doctor's office. The doctor comes in, and is immediately attracted to her. "What's wrong, sweetie?" he asks her. Lindsay, sobbing, says: "My stupid boyfriend Tyler did a mean thing to me and I'll NEVER FORGIVE HIM FOR IT!!!" The doctor strokes her face, and says: "Let's do something to forget about that jerk Tyler." He kisses her, caresses her. Eventually, they are making love. Forty minutes later, Lindsay is giggling because she loved it. The doctor asks: "Just curious, but… What did that Tyler do to you to make you cry?" Lindsay looks at him, tears up, and says: "He gave me a bad disease down my hoo-hoo." She points at her vagina, and doc says: "Oh SHIT!!"

Geoff had been seeing Bridgette for about a year now. He had also been seeing Heather for about three weeks now. Neither knew of the other. Geoff had invited Bridgette for dinner. He had to excuse himself to use the bathroom. After he came out, he saw Heather talking to Bridgette. His eyes widened. "No problems, just having a girl chat. I'll just wait till Heather leaves." Heather sits down. Both are giggling. "Okay, I'll just say that I got diarrhea." He then notices that Duncan is seated on the table next to his. He knew about Geoff and Heather. "Okay, he's cool, he'll keep his mouth shut…" Then, Duncan said something to Heather. Though she shakes her head casually, Bridgette's eyes widened. Bridgette says something. Heather retorts. Both girls come to a realization. The two girls send their angered gaze at the men's bathroom. And all Geoff could say was: "Oh SHIT!!"

Cody was on vacation in Puerto Rico. He turns to some tall guy with a mustache, and asks: "Excuse me, are there any cannibals on this Island?" The man, rather amused, retorts: "Naw, I ate the last one yesterday." Cody, now horrified, says "Oh SHIT!!"


	2. Chapter 2

Total Humor Island

Episode 2: You're CHEATING on me!!!!! Number 1

Bridgette was married to Ezekiel. They lived in an ok apartment in an ok part of town…

Bridgette was in bed, in her underwear, with a sly and sexy smile on her face. She watched eagerly as Geoff, her boyfriend, took off his clothes. Then, she heard a door slam. "Oh, no! My husband! You gotta hide or something, he just recently bought a GUN!!!!" Geoff was now in panic mode. Ezekiel comes in, and says; "Bridge, baby! I took my medication, eh!" He notices Geoff, pulls out his gun, and says: "Who are you!? Watcha dooin here, eh!?" Geoff swallows hard, comes up with something, and says: "Dude, dude, ya got me all wrong. I was, uh, messin around with the wife upstairs, you know? Poor jackass don't give her enough love, you know. I was about to take off my undies, when I hear the guy coming. So, I snuck out the window, and came here to, uh, well, hide. Okay?" Zeke, stares, then chuckles. He then started laughing out loud. "Oh, poor bastard! Hey, need some clothes? I'll lend ya some, eh?" "Uh, n-n-no thanks. By some miracle, I managed to bring my own clothes. See? There they are on the floor. F-f-for some reason, they are scattered about, but, I can pick em up…" Geoff picked up his clothes, then BOLTED towards the door. No love for HIM tonight. Zeke puts his gun away, then chuckles. "Hey, Bridge. Do I feel sorry for the poor asshole livin upstairs, eh. Hehehehe…" He goes to the window, a smile on his face. It quickly vanishes. "Hey Bridge, there's no apartment upstairs… Holy Crap!!! I just remembered, WE live on the top floor!!!!" He gets his gun, and rushes towards the stairs. Crestfallen, he comes back in. Bridge is a little nervous. Zeke looks at her, and says: "You little… you little tutti-frutti… you (seethes) sneaky hoopy… you fibbing little… YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME!!!"


	3. Chapter 3

Total Humor Island

Epsiode 3: Marriage before and afters

BEFORE Trent and Gwen got married:

Trent was paying his guitar. Gwen listens and has starry goo-goo eyes. "Oh, Trent. You're so talented. I hope you become a professional musician."

AFTER they got married:

Trent was playing his guitar. Gwen looks at him, annoyed. She says to him: "Get a REAL job, you bum."

BEFORE Geoff and Bridgette got married:

Geoff and Bridgette were making out in the pool. "Oh, Geoff. You're such a good kisser." "Right back at ya babe. I'll NEVER get tired of kissing you."

AFTER they got married:

Bridge and Geoff slept in separate beds. Bridgette was eyeing Geoff, feeling in the mood. Geoff looks at her, sighs, and says "No. I got a headache."

BEFORE Heather and Justin got married:

It was ten pm. Justin RUSHED on his way to the apartment he shared with Heather. Heather was in bed, waiting for him. Justin enters the bedroom. Heather says, with passion in her voice "I didn't want to fall asleep until after you came home." Justin takes off his shirt, and says "I wanted to come home before you fell asleep. Every second I spend with you is like Heaven." They then get jiggy with it…

AFTER they got married:

It was three am. Justin snuck into the master bedroom. Heather was in bed, glaring at the door. She says 'I didn't want to fall asleep until after you came home." Justin turns to her, and says 'I didn't want to come home until after you fell asleep."


	4. Chapter 4

Total Humor Island

Episode 4: That's so Lindsay! Number 1

Lindsay excitedly hurried to her father's office. "Daddy, daddy!! I have narrowed down the candidate for my baby's daddy to two candidates!" Her father smiled. Even if she WAS pregnant, she was still his little chipmunk. "Who, baby? Who could be my little chipmunk's baby daddy?""It's GOTTA be either anyone from the football team, or anyone from the rugby team!!"

Lindsay snuck into the Screaming Gophers cabin. Heather, who had been waiting for her, turned the lights on, glares at Lindsay, and says: "Where the heck have you been!?" Lindsay turns to her and says: "I was taking a walk, when I run into Trent. He took to the woods, kissed, took off my clothes and had his way with me." Heather, shocked, says: "Quick, let's go to the kitchen. We'll find a lemon, cut it in half so you can suck on the pulp." "Will that keep me from getting pregnant?"-inquired Lindsay. Heather responds: 'I have no idea, but it sure as hell going to wipe that stupid smile off your face!!!!"

Lindsay was at the bank, writing a check. She noticed the part of the check that says DO NOT WRITE UNDER THIS PART. Lindsay wrote under it OK.

Lindsay flunked the test. She gives her teacher big, puppy dog eyes, and pleads for a second chance. The teacher caves in, and tells her she can take a makeup test on Saturday. Lindsay happily jumps up and down. On Saturday she was READY. After all, she brought her best makeup kit.


	5. Chapter 5

Total Humor Island

Episode 5: An Expensive Girl…

(Author's notes: This joke is fro that comedy genius, Polo Polo)

Tyler was at the door of a pretty darn fancy whore house. He rang the bell, and was greeted by the Head Lady. 'Yes?" asks the lady. "I want Heather."- said Tyler. The Lady gasps. "But, you know that she's my most EXPENSIVE girl, right? I got some cheaper one's if0" "No, I want Heather." "But, can you afford her?" "With CASH."- Tyler shows her a handful of dollar bills. He could afford her, alright. She costs around 5 grand.

After an hour of good loving, Tyler slyly said- "See you tomorrow."Now, NONE of the other girls believed he would come back, at least not for Heather. After all, who pays 5 grand for sex? But, sure enough, he came back, FOR Heather, just as he said. And again, he could afford her. And again, he said to her "See you tomorrow." This time, some of the girls were beginning to bet on his return. Sure enough, he came back a THIRD night, again for Heather, again paying 5 grand for sex with her. And again, he says "See you tomorrow." THIS time, the girls have already prepared for Tyler; some willing to MARRY him if he would pay half what he paid Heather. But no, Tyler only wanted Heather. Again, he paid 5 grand. But THIS time, Tyler only stays silent. Heather speaks: "Hey, not that I'm complaining, but you know that you spent 20 rand on me, right? That could have bought you a car, an apartment, even two month's worth of sex on this house. So, why?" Tyler looks at her, and smiles rather slyly. 'Remember Damien, your brother. He's a good pal of mine. I told him I knew where you lived, because he seemed worried about you. He then told me he wanted to make sure you were alright. So, because he trusts me so much, he handed over 20 thousand dollars for me to give to you. Which, as of tonight, I already did."


	6. Chapter 6

Total Humor Island

Episode 6: Beautiful Beth, number 1, and other quickies.

Beth and Lindsay were having tea. "Lindsay, guess what! Justin said that making love to me would be worth like a million dollars!" "Oh my God, you're so lucky!" "Yeah! But, If only I could get my hands on that million…"

Beth was at her gynecologist. He was a man. "Okay Beth, please go behind that screen and take off your clothes." He signs some paper work. "Have you taken your clothes off, Beth?" She says seductively-"Oh, of course doctor! How about you?"

Harold was about to kung fu chop the board. He was getting ready. He stretches. He flexes. He takes out the saw and saws away.

Eva had finished her 50 kilometer run, when she ran into Sadie. She says to her "Ever heard of a Stair Master?" Sadie simply retorts- "Ever heard of plastic surgery?"

Noah and Tyler were watching Owen's stand up routine. He sucked. Tyler got so mad; he walked on stage and punched Owen in the face. And Noah says to that-"Best punch line of the night."

Heather was about to kill herself, via hanging. She was adjusting the noose, when a fortuneteller came to her. "Excuse me, miss. Would you like to hear your fortune for free?"

Courtney walks by, and the men give her the eye. Gwen walks by, and the men wolf whistle. Heather walks by, and the men give her cat calls. Lindsay walks by, and the men holler at her, to get her attention. Beth walks by, nothing but silence.


	7. Chapter 7

Total Humor Island

Episode 7: Unfortunately True, number 1

Noah and Lindsay were drinking coffee. He says "I am a geneticist. I have recently discovered genome in a fungus that can be used as a vaccine against herpes." She says "I'm a swimsuit model." He responds "If my line of work is more important, why do you earn more than I do?"

Bridgette was on the phone, an angry expression on her face. Her mom asks "Honey, who are you talking to?" She says "My boyfriend, Geoff." Her mother then gets a worried look on her face, and says "Are you two fighting." "No, we fought a few weeks back. We're giving each other the silent treatment now."

Katie had returned to her parent's house for the first time since she moved out. She showed up wearing VERY expensive clothing. Her mom asks "Honey, how is your life?" "Good, mom. I'm working HARD for my money." Her dad says "It shows. I mean, you are making a LOT! What was your job, again?" Katie says 'I'm a prostitute." Her mom, upon hearing this, starts crying. Her dad is furious now. "YOU!!!! GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS HOUSE!!!!!" Katie does, but before she leaves, pulls out a couple of papers, and says: "Gee, too bad you guys will never enjoy that Jaguar 2009 model I bought for you or that trip to Puerto Rico I booked." Her parents are shocked now, and dad asks: "What was your line of work again?" "Prostitute." "OH, THANK GOD!!!! I thought you said 'Protestant'!"

Leshawna swallows her pill. She looks groggily at the bottle, and reads: WARNING. NOT TO BE TAKEN ORALLY.


	8. Chapter 8

Total Humor Island

Episode 8: You're CHEATING ON ME! Number 2, plus Smart Guys

Ezekiel took his wife, Bridgette, out to lunch. "Hey, Bridge?"- Asks Ezekiel. "Yeah? What is it?" Ezekiel swallows hard. "Who's Geoff?" Bridgette is shocked. "W-w-w-what do you mean?" "I found his number on your cell phone. Who is he?" Bridgette is now nervous. "W-w-w-w-well, he, uh, is my, uh, COWORKER! From, uh, work?" Ezekiel simply keeps looking at her, then ads- "But, all the numbers from your other coworkers had the title 'frmwrk' at the end of their names." "Because, uh, Geoff is also an, uh, acquaintance." "He also had a little heart at the end of his name." "Because, uh, uh, uh, he is also an, uhhhhh, old friend!" "But, when I called him, he said 'Hey baby! Wazzup?'" "You know, honey, I was NOT expecting the Spanish Inquisition!"- spat out Bridgette, angrily. Zeke looks crestfallen, then says- "You know what, honey? I'm sorry. I trust you." Just then Geoff walks in, spots Bridgette, and gives her a BIG smooch on the lips. Zeke is aghast. Bridge smiles sheepishly. Then Zeke says: "Bridgette! You're CHEATING ON ME!!"

Trent was on a date with Heather. He treated her to dinner. They had lobster, steak, caviar and chocolate mousse. Then Heather said- "That was a great dinner. But, don't think I'm one of those girls who can be bought with expensive meals!" Trent frowns, then smiles and says: "Waiter! The lady and I will split the bill."

Cody and Beth were arguing. Beth says- "I wish you would go to the gym more often!" Cody fetches a S.I. swimsuit edition magazine, gives it to her, and says: "When you got a body like those girls, THEN YOU CAN TALK TO ME ABOUT THE GYM!!!"


	9. Chapter 9

Humor Island

Episode 9: Author's Apology, Beth's comeback, That's So Lindsay! and Pi versus Pie

The author would like to apologize for that Cody joke he had written last chapter. For this reason, he presents to you this joke. THIS one is dedicated to every girl who has ever been made fun of for her weight. Enjoy…

Cody gave Beth a S.I. swimsuit edition, and said: "When you got a body like these, THEN YOU CAN TALK TO ME ABOUT THE GYM!!!" Beth looks at him sternly, puts her hands to her sides, slides them down, and coyly says- "But Cody, you can barely handle THIS body!"

Lindsay was walking along when she saw a sign that said: Slow, Children at play. So she proceeded to walk slower.

Noah was angry with Lindsay. "No, no, no!!! Pi can NEVER be divided by three!!" But Lindsay simply looks at him triumphantly, and says: "I can show you that it CAN be done." "Okay, do it!" She takes out a pie, and slices it in three pieces. "See? Pie has been divided by three!!"


	10. Chapter 10

Total Humor Island

Episode 10: A dirty one.

Lindsay had a pet beaver, which she called Beaver. Tyler had a pet rooster, and he called it Cock.

One day, Beaver was out in the field, when it looked like it would rain. Beaver didn't want to catch a cold, so she ran toward Lindsay. Lindsay opened an umbrella, but the wind blew it away. Lindsay and Beaver were getting wet now.

Tyler had taken Cock out for a walk, when he noticed it was starting to rain. He took shelter at a gazebo. The same gazebo shared by Lindsay and Beaver.

Tyler had noticed Lindsay was a little wet. So, he took off his jacket and gave it to her. Cock noticed that Beaver was a little wet, so he started crowing at her.

The wind was blowing hard now, and the rain was hitting Lindsay again. She was wetter than before. So, Tyler dried her off with his undershirt. Beaver was wetter now, so Cock began to hiss.

A tree branch had fallen into a puddle that had formed near the gazebo and the splash it Lindsay head on. She was soaked now. So, Tyler took off his pants and used those to dry her off. Beaver was also soaked. This made Cock so angry, he had a heart attack from the fury he had, and died.

The moral of this story? When Lindsay's Beaver gets wet, Tyler's Cock gets stiff.


	11. Chapter 11

Total Humor Island

Episode some number: You're Cheating on me!!!! Number 3 and a Not so Holy Matrimony

Ezekiel had borrowed Bridgette's phone for the day, while his was recharging. While walking around the Alberta Mall, he had received several messages. Later that night, he confronted his wife about it.

"Bridgette? - he said- Today, you received some phone messages, eh?" She says- "Really, what kind?" He responds- "Well, ya got one from Geoff, and it read 'Miss ya baby'." Bridgette's eyes widen for a second, then go back to normal as she says- "Oh that Geoff, he went on vacation the other day. We are just friends." Then Ezekiel added- "And ya got one from Justin, and it read 'I want you here tonight, sweet thang'." To which Bridgette responds- "You know Justin is a very religious guy these days. He wants me to go to service!" Then Ezekiel adds- 'And ya got another one from DJ, and it reads 'The Love Boat awaits, and I'm your Captain'." She responds- 'That DJ is such a fan of the Love Boat! You remember that show, right?" Then Ezekiel said- 'After that, you got one last message from Lindsay. It reads 'I miss your warm hands and hot mouth'." Bridgette just says- "Look, Ezekiel, you have NO RIGHT TO VIEW MY MESSAGES!!!" Ezekiel tears up, and says- "I'm sorry."

The doorbell rings, Bridgette opens the door. Lindsay is at the door. She grabs Bridgette, kisses her passionately, and says in a sexy voice- "I sent you a message today. Hope you understood what it meant." Ezekiel sees the whole thing, and says- "Bridgette, YOU'RE CHEATING ONE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Harold and LeShawna walked into the hotel, when the bellhop says- "My, sir, what an unusually large and old bag. May I carry it for you?" Harold simply says- "No thanks, my wife needs some exercise."


	12. Chapter 12

_Total Humor Island_

_**Episode Nine and nine quarters: Lil' Bridgette**_

_Seven year old Bridgette calls out to her mom- "Mommy, Mommy!! I'm taking my toys to go play in the park!" She leaves._

_On the way to the park, Bridgette is confronted by SATAN!!!! "Hello, little Girl!- He says- Where are you going?" Bridgette responds- "I'm going to the park, mister." Satan says- "What will you do there?" She responds- "I'm going to go play with my toys!" Satan gasps, and says- "Little girl!!! Those are some bad naughty words you have spoken!" Bridgette is taken aback- "They are? But, mommy never said they are." Satan gasps again- "Young lady! Allow me to teach you the correct words! Instead of toys, we say shit. Instead of play, we say fuck. And instead of mommy, we say bitch. Now, off you go, you little potty mouth!" _

_The very next day, seven year old Bridgette calls out to her mom- "Bitch, bitch! I'm taking my shit to go fuck in the park!" _


	13. Chapter 13

Total Humor Island

**Lucky Episode 13: Drunks**

Heather was drunk at the party. She had to take a dump. After much searching, she finally found a toilet. To her amazement, it was a golden potty. The next day, Tyler wonders who took a dump on his saxophone.

"Hey DJ!"-inquires Geoff in a drunken stupor.

"(Hic!) Yeah, Geoff?"-was DJ's reply.

"You like…blondes?"-says Geoff.

"Blondes? Uhhhh… No"-says DJ.

"You like em…with boobs… that go here?"-says Geoff

"Boobs… to here? Uhhhhh….No."-says DJ.

"You like… green these?"- says Geoff, pointing to his eyes (or at least trying to).

"Green…those? Nnnnnno."-says DJ

"Then…why are you sleeping around with my girl for?"-says Geoff.

Noah and Cody were drunk. They decide to go home in Noah's car. Cody is driving. He gets on the driver's seat, turns the car on, and reaches for the shift stick. After much searching, he finally finds it. He puts the car in first gear. Nothing happens. Then, he tries second. Nothing happens. Third gear, and STILL nothing.

"Oh Cody, kiss me,"-says Noah.

"What, why?"-inquires Cody.

"Come on, Cody. You know my car's an automatic!"-replies Noah.


	14. Chapter 14

Total Humor Island

The episode after the previous one: A moral lesson for all the good little boys out there

**This joke belongs to that great comedic genius, Polo Polo.**

DJ was walking around the forest, when he falls down a deep hole. He cries out for help. Katie, who happened to be walking nearby, heard him. She rushed to find him. Eventually, she did. She looked all over for anything that could help her get him out of that hole. Eventually, she found a Cadillac 2009 automobile, with a rope attached to the bumper. She threw the rope at him, and drove the car forward, helping him out of the hole.

The next day, Katie had been walking around in the woods. She too fell down the same hole. And, as luck would have it, DJ was the one to hear her cries for help. He looked all over for that Cadillac, but never found it. Eventually, he came up with an idea. He took all his clothes off, stretched himself over the hole, an instructed Katie to grab his penis. She did so, and used it to climb out.

The moral? To get the girl, you don't need a fancy car, just a big, strong dick.


	15. Chapter 15

Total Humor Island

Episodio Quince: Marriage Before and After, numero deux

BEFORE Owen and Izzy got married:

Izzy was laughing long and hard, whilst Owen looks at her dreamily.

"I could never get tired of that laugh"-he says to himself.

AFTER they got married:

Izzy was laughing long and hard, whilst Owen looks at her annoyed.

"Would you shut up already!? God, your laughter gets on my nerves sometimes,"-he yells at her.

BEFORE Cody and Gwen got married:

Cody sneaks up behind Gwen, and presents her with a bouquet of flowers (VERY expensive ones at that).

"Awwww!! Cody, you're so sweet! You spoil me!"-says Gwen.

AFTER they got married:

Cody sneaks up behind Gwen, and presents her with a bouquet of flowers (VERY expensive ones at that).

"Flowers…? Cody!! What the hell did you do!? Are you sneaking around with some tramp!!??"-Gwen proceeds to smack Cody with the bouquet.

BEFORE Noah and Katie got married:

Noah was talking about the test he took today, Katie, however, was not paying attention. She was too busy eyeing Justin next door, flexing his muscles.

AFTER they got married:

Katie was talking about the long day at work she had today. Noah, however, was not paying attention. He was too busy eyeing Justin next door, flexing his muscles.

BEFORE Duncan and Courtney got married:

Duncan sneaks into Courtney's bedroom.

"Duncan, you skeez!! If daddy catches you, he'll-"-Courtney never finished that sentence, she was too busy making out with Duncan.

AFTER they got married:

Duncan sneaks into the Master bedroom.

"DUNCAN!!!!! Where the hell have you been!!!??? Do you have any idea what time it is!!?? What the hell are you doing at this hour!!??? Wait, WHERE THE HELL DO YOU THINK-"-Courtney never finished that sentence. Duncan had already dashed out the door.


	16. Chapter 16

Total Humor Island

**The Episode that is 32 divided by 2: Oh Shit!!!! Number something, and Lindsay's execution.**

Justin sneaks into the master bedroom. Courtney turns the lights on.

"Well, where have you been, Superman?"-she asks. She's also glaring.

"Well, the boss gave me tons upon tons of work. I needed to get it done,"-replied Justin. He's rather nervous, and does not face his wife.

"Well, why didn't you leave it for tomorrow, Superman?"-said Courtney.

"You know…deadline WAS tomorrow, and I REALLY needed all of it done,"-said Justin.

"You should have called then, Superman,"-said Courtney, her glare turning icy.

"Errr, Courtney, why do you keep calling me Superman?"-asks Justin.

"Cuz Superman's the only idiot in the world to wear his briefs over his PANTS!!!!!!!!"- screeches Courtney.

Justin looks to his pants. Only two words come out of his mouth- "Oh SHIT!!!!!"

The General was about to execute Lindsay for her crime. She tried to overthrow his regime.

"Ready!!!!"-yells the General. He fails to see that Lindsay is wearing nothing but a large fur coat.

"Aim!!!!"-yells the General. He fails to see that Lindsay has removed her coat, and is now in a skimpy bikini.

"Fire!!!!"-yells the General. The soldiers shoot at the General, sparing Lindsay.


	17. Chapter 17

**Total Humor Island**

**Episode Banana: Courtney solves the problems**

Courtney was Bridgette and Geoff's sex therapist. They needed her help.

"So, what's the problem?"-asks Courtney.

"Doc, it's our sex life. She's such a frigid woman!"-says Geoff.

"Me, frigid! Geoff, the amount of sex you ask for is unreasonable!!"-yells Bridgette.

"And how often does he request sex?"-asks Courtney.

"This HORNDOG thinks it's perfectly fine to have sex ONCE A MONTH!!!"-yells Bridgette, yet again.

* * *

Courtney was a pharmacist. Cody needed her help.

"Listen, Doc. My wife, Lindsay…I love her to bits but…she don't give me the time of day…in the bedroom, you know?'-Cody is quite embarrassed to say that.

"Say no more. I have these pills. Give them to her, and she will give you all her womanly love,"-she says that with a wink, as she hands him the bottle.

Later that night, Lindsay asks for a glass of milk. Cody obliges, and secretly mixes in a few of the ills into her drink. Feeling randy, he pours himself a glass of milk, and pours in a few pills into said glass. He drinks his milk, and happily goes to give Lindsay her glass, eagerly awaiting what was to come.

Later still, Cody sits in the dark whilst Lindsay tosses and turns in bed.

"Cody, Cody… Codyyyyyy!!! I need you!! I need a man!! I need a man!!!"-she says. She undresses, and goes after Cody. He tosses her aside.

"Me too, Lindsay! I need a man too!!!!!"-he says


	18. Chapter 18

**Total Humor Island**

Episode 18: You Fail Forever

Lindsay was taking the Sex Ed test. The question? "What is the most common way for you to get a Venereal Disease?" Her answer? "Good girls don't get VD's" Lindsay Fails Sex Ed Forever.

* * *

Sadie was taking her Driver's exam. She was ready. She puts the car in Drive. She takes out the emergency brake. She then starts the car. Sadie Fails Driver's Ed Forever.

* * *

Geoff was making out with a super sexy girl. DJ notices this, and gags.

"Geoff! Why are you making out with your cousin!?"-says DJ

"Chill, bro! She's just my second cousin"- says Geoff. DJ has a blank look on his face. Geoff goes on- "See, she has an older sister. That girl's my first cousin. Because she was born second, that makes HER my second cousin! And kissing your second cousin is ok!"

Geoff Fails Familial Relations Forever.

* * *

Katie was figuring out the math problem. It asked- "When does a Triangle's inner angles measure up to a total of more than One hundred and eighty degrees?"

Katie's response? "A Triangle's inner angles measure more than 180 degrees when they are stretched out," Katie Fails Geometry Forever.

* * *

Noah was giving his proposal for solving the Canadian Economic Crisis. His solution? "Let's get half of Canada, give them shovels and pay them to dig ditches. Then, we hire the other half of Canada, give them brooms, and pay them to fill up the newly dug ditches! This way, everyone has a job, and a paycheck," Noah Fails Economics Forever.

* * *

Ezekiel had married a Jewish woman, so he converted to Judaism. He celebrates this fact by eating a large roast ham. Ezekiel Fails Judaism Forever.


	19. Chapter 19

**Total Humor Island**

**Episode 19: Kool-Aid Man invades**

**Noah and Justin were sitting in front of the Screaming Gophers cabin, just minding their own business.**

"**Jeez, I'm thirsty,"-says Justin.**

"**Hello Mister Thirsty, can I call you so?"-retorts Noah.**

"**Jesus, Noah. I think you can be such a jerk sometimes,"-says Justin.**

"**Really?"-says Noah, disinterested.**

**The cabin door suddenly bursts. Out walks the Kool-Aid Man. He says- "Oh yeah!!!!" Justin and Noah are horrified.**

………………………………

* * *

**Sadie and Beth were doing their nails.**

"**I think Guava Pink is so much cuter than Hot pink don't you?"-says Sadie.**

"**Ugh! No way! Guava Pink is too sugary. I like my pink Hot!!!"-replies Beth.**

"**Well, in any case, I think Fuchsia is the best color for toenails,"-says Sadie. Beth nods in agreement.**

**The wall bursts open. In walks the Kool-Aid man. He says- "Oh yeah!!!" Beth and Sadie run away screaming.**

………………………………

* * *

**LeShawna, DJ and Katie were all on the airplane. They were sitting in the same row.**

"**Man, I can't believe Security almost didn't let us through! It's cuz we're BLACK, ain't it!!!???"- LeShawna is ticked. Katie and DJ nod in agreement.**

"**That was, like TOOOOTALLY racist of them!!! I mean, they let all those other guys through without so much hassle!!!"-says Katie.**

"**Yeah! And when I was cleared they offered me grape soda as a token of apology!!! They even had the galls to call it 'Purple Drink!!!"- DJ is fuming.**

"**Man, there only one thing in the world that will make them come off as ultimately racist! Let's see if the stewardess comes up and"- LeShawna does not get to finish. The stewardess comes up to them and takes out a pouch and a jug of water.**

"**Would any of you like some Kool-Aid?"-she asks them.**

**Before they can answer, the walls of the plane burst open. In walks the Kool-Aid Man. He says- "Oh yeah!!!" Then the people in the plane get sucked out from the vortex.**

………………………………

* * *

**Izzy and Eva were eating sandwiches.**

"**Hey Eva! Know what goes great with sandwiches?"-asks Izzy.**

"**Lemonade? Milk?"-replies Eva.**

**Izzy holds up a glass of punch, and says- "Kool-Aid!!!"**

**The wall bursts. In walks the Kool-Aid Man. Eva throws a plate at him.**

………………………………

* * *

**Bridgette and Lindsay were making out in their underwear.**

"**Let's do it,"-says Bridgette, with THAT look on her face. Lindsay nods. She starts to take off her bra.**

**The Kool-Aid man comes crashing in. He gives a thumbs up, and says- "0h yeah!!!" he takes a seat.**

**In walks Ezekiel, sees the scene, and says- "Bridgette, YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME!!!"**

………………………………

* * *

**Tyler and Trent were hanging out by the brick wall.**

"**Hey, you know what sounds good right about now?"-asks Tyler.**

"**What?"-Trent says, curious.**

"**A big, tall glass of ice cold Kool-Aid!"-replies Tyler, eagerly looking at the brick wall. So is Trent.**

**Nothing happens.**

"**Hey guys! I brought a tall pitcher of water! Just perfect for some Kool-Aid!!!"-Owen says this excitedly. The three guys look at the wall. Nothing happens.**

**Cody and Gwen arrive. **

"**Hey Gwen, Cody! It sure is hot out here. Might you say we could use a cool aide?"-asks Trent. All five stare at the wall. Nothing happens**

**Harold arrives. He as a tube of sun block on his hand- "A day like today merits a COLD DRINK!!!" He says this eagerly. Nothing happens.**

**Courtney and Duncan arrive.**

"**Forget it guys. Kool-Aid man ain't coming,"-says Duncan.**

'**We saw him enter some big house on the way here. We came to tell you guys,"-says Courtney.**

**Meanwhile, at Heather's….**

**Heather and Geoff were making love on the bed. Kool-Aid Man is watching. He gives you a thumbs up, and with a smirk, says- "Oh yeah!!!"**


	20. Chapter 20

**Total Humor Island**

**Special Episode 20: Stephanie Meyer Invades**

**I'm not what you consider to be 'verbose', but much to my chagrin, I have discovered this realistically portrayed televised animated program featuring a total sum of eleven sons of Eve and eleven daughters of Eve, from which I find, much to my delight, a various multitude of and a cornucopia amount of drama, from which much grandeur amount of humor shall be enjoyed by the youths, and upon which, I find, rather amusing, though I believe that such a concept be quite voyeuristic, I find that the invasiveness of which I find myself an accomplice is quite an entertaining effort for which many fruits are brought from this Earth.**

**I try not to dwell on the fact that, in a moment of solitude, I find myself wishing that my darling Edward Cullen would sweep me away from this cavernous affair I find myself a slave to, on which this realistically portrayed animated program amuses, me, in which case I find myself lacking somewhat, of an effort to turn away from the televised program aimed at youths; I particularly enjoy the wild meandering of the large, bloubous young boy whose hairs of golden rays of sunshine cause my darling Cullens to sparkle in a dazzling array of sun shining light, his joyful commotion is quite entertaining, and I find my self prancing about like a school girl with a crush upon hearing the theme tune of this marvelous program.**

**I find, much to my; chagrin, that the young girl of Asian features reminds me much of the girls from my olden days of High School education and learning, upon which I have drawn inspiration to draw out in a orthographical manner the adventures of the daughter conceived purely by my imagining: Isabella Swan, for whom I have created, out of authorial love, a paradisiacal romp of pomp and circumstances, a lot like Romeo and Juliet, for which love is the sweetest of all fruits, for it is forbidden, much like this tv program: The Island of Total Drama.**

**My stomach is full; full of butterflies that is, as I begin to desire in my mind a way for my dear daughter Isabella to interact with all these wonderful characters, Oh, if Edward would have to compete for her love against that young, handsome man with the piercing.**

**I have discovered a way to do so, by ways of fiction from a fanatic, of which the written word can be utilized to create various adventures of fiction for which an author can create a fictional setting for his or her characters of fiction!**

**Oh glorious Ave Maria! I shall pursue, by way of computer and writing, to introduce Edward, Bella and Jacob to the Island of Drama!!!**

"**Huh? Did someone use my computer?"-100TenMillion looks at his computer- "What the hell is this shit!? Who in blazes is Stephanie Meyer!!!???"**


	21. Chapter 21

Total Humor Island

Blackjack episode: Awkward!!! Number 1

Lindsay was sitting at the table. Cody sees her, and walks over to her to say hello.

"Lindsay! How are ya?"-he asks.

"Hi Cody! I'm fine, you?"-she responds.

"Oh, I'm awesome. You and Tyler doing ok? The two of you really click!"-he says excitedly.

"Oh, we broke up,"-she says.

"Oh, the guy was a douche bag anyway,"-Cody says rather hurriedly. A silence. Finally, Cody breaks it by saying- "Awkward."

* * *

Katie and Sadie were checking out some props.

"Oh, look! This eye patch is so cute!"-says Sadie, holding an eye patch. She puts it on, and pretends to be a pirate.

"Oh my gosh, Sadie look! It's a fake mustache!!"-Katie puts it on- "Oh yeah, I look good in a mustache! Mmm-mmm, I'd totally date me."

"Yeah"-says Sadie- "Me too."

Katie's eyes bug out. As Sadie realizes what she had said, so do hers. A silence.

"Awkward,"-they say in unison.

* * *

Geoff had gone to visit Bridgette for the summer. He goes to her house. She invites him in. He sees and old photo album. He finds a picture he REALLY likes.

"Oh, baby! Hey Bridge, this is one seriously sexy photo of you!!!"-he says rather excitedly- "No, I mean it! It's, like, WOW WOW WOW WOW!!!"

His incessant hootering and stomping finally prompts Bridgette to go see what he was talking about. She sees the photo. A blonde woman, wearing a one piece that showed off her perfectly formed figure, lay on the sand, posing sexily for the camera.

"Geoff, that is not me. That's my mom when she was my age,"-she says, annoyed and embarrassed.

Many minutes pass in silence, as Geoff shakes and sweats under her angry glare. Finally, all he can say is "Awkward."

* * *

Heather was waiting at the table with a rose in her hand. LeShawna sees her, and goes to say hello.

"Hey was sup home girl? Who you watin' fo'?"-asks LeShawna.

"Hey LeShawna. I'm waiting for my blind date"-Heather responds.

"Who set you up?"-LeShawna was curious.

"I entered this dating service. I'm sick of teenage boys. I'm ready to start dating older men! He said he'd come by holding a Red Rose,"-says Heather.

Heather finally sees her date. She is horrified.

"Heather!!!???"-Her dad had entered the restaurant, holding a red rose. A long, LONG silence.

"Awkward… does not even begin to describe this…"-says LeShawna.


	22. Chapter 22

**Total Humor Island**

**Episode 11 plus 11: You're CHEATING on me!!! Number 4 (or five)**

Bridgette was cleaning up the house. It was a lovely Sunday morning. Suddenly, the doorbell.

"Geoff!!!"-Bridgette was surprised to see her lover arrive on a Sunday.

"Hey baby, Zeke's not here, right? We can have some fun?"-Geoff wasted no time at all. He grabs Bridgette, kisses her, and takes her to the kitchen for a 'Sunday Brunch', if you know what I'm saying. Suddenly, a knock.

"Oh my God! Maybe that's Ezekiel! Hide Geoff! Under the table!"-Geoff did what Bridgette told him to. She opens the door. It's Justin, Bridgette's OTHER lover.

"Sorry babe, but I just NEED you today!!!"-he grabs her, and is just about to kiss her when they hear Ezekiel singing some religious songs.

"Oh crap! My husband! Quick, hide! But not under the table!"-too late, Justin already bolted for the table, and saw Geoff there. Preferring not to engage in a confrontation, he went upstairs to hide.

Ezekiel enters through the door. He is smiling.

"Did you find a job?"-asks Bridgette.

"Nope, I'm smiling because I spent all morning at church, praying to that Nice Man Upstairs!"-said Ezekiel pointing to Heaven (in other words, up).

"What!!!??? You wasted an entire morning in prayer!!!??? What are you gonna do about your employment issues???"-asked Bridgette, irritated.

"Don't worry honey. The Man Upstairs will provide,"-said Ezekiel.

"Well then, what about the bills!!??? How are we going to pay them??"-she said in a huff.

"Don't worry honey. The Man Upstairs will provide,"-said Ezekiel.

"Well then, how are we going to pay the mortgage?"-asked Bridgette.

"Don't worry, Bridgette. The Man Upstairs will provide,"-said Ezekiel.

Suddenly, Justin storms through the door. He is PISSED.

"Hey Home School!!! Ask the Guy Under the Table to provide for a change!!!"-he said very, very angrily. Geoff peers sheepishly out from under the table. Ezekiel is stunned.

"Oh my God!!! Bridgette, you're CHEATING ON ME!!!"


	23. Chapter 23

**Total Humor Island**

**The episode that Jim Carey obsesses over: Campers do the Net memes**

Geoff was mixing the batter, making the cake. Heather was sitting on the table, watching him work. In walks Ezekiel.

"Hey guys! Guess what? I have no homework!!!"-he says excitedly.

"Good for you"-both say, not exactly caring.

"I have no homework,"-says Ezekiel in a sing song voice- "I have no homework, I have no homework, I have no homework, I have no homework, I have no homework, I have no homework, I have no homework, I have-"

Heather's eyes glow red- "YOU MUST DIE!!!!" Ezekiel is evaporated. Heather and Geoff start making out.

………………………………

* * *

Harold steps outside, to his mailbox.

"I wonder if I have any mail?"-he says to himself. He opens the mailbox. He takes out the letter. He opens it. A genie pops out.

"Young mortal, I will grant you three wishes!"-says the genie. She is a sexy little fox. A double D cup, firm buttocks, really nice hips and thighs, the works. LeShawna steps out, and sees the genie.

"What the hell is that hooch doing here, Harold?"-she asks.

"I shall grant you three wishes,"-says the genie.

"Really?"-asks LeShawna.

"No, instead,"-says the Genie- "I shall FIRE MAH LAZUR, BLAAAAAAARGH!!!!"

………………………………

* * *

Katie and Izzy are about to have some lesbian sex. They are taking their clothes off. Katie starts taking off her top.

Suddenly, Owen bursts in! Cue the music- "We're no strangers to loooooove. You know the rules, and so do I…"

………………………………

* * *

(From Huevo )

Sadie is being interviewed by the press. She is obviously drunk.

"I mean, where's my million dollars, eh? I mean, I deserve them, eh? I mean, you know who I am?"-she says.

"And, just who are you?"-asks the reporter.

"I'm the daughter of the father of La Canaca,"-she answers.

………………………………

* * *

Lindsay walks up to Mister Turtle.

"Mister Turtle, how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?"-she asks

"I never eat them without my teeth. Ask Mister Owl,"-responds the turtle.

"Mister Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?"-she asks.

The owl takes the tootsie pop from her, and unwraps it- "let's find out."

Suddenly, the tootsie pop develops a face, and says- "IMAH FIRIN MAH LAZUR, BLAAAAAAARGH!!!"

………………………………

* * *

Bridgette and Cody are watching the sunset.

"This is a nice sunset,"-says Cody

"Yep, only one thing can ruin it"-says Bridgette.

"What?"-asks Cody.

"The only thing that can ruin this moment, is if that Sun develops a face, and fires its laser,"-said Bridgette.

"Wow, what are the chances of that happening?"-asks Cody.

Suddenly, a duck walks in on this scene. And he says- "Oh, just one in OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAND!!!!"

………………………………

* * *

Justin is sitting at the table. Noah is a few feet in front of him.

"This is your brain,"-Noah says this to you, pointing at Justin.

"This,"-Noah says, holding a beer- "Is beer."

He hands the beer over to Justin. He drinks it, and gets drunk. Beth walks by. Justin wolf whistles her. He picks her up, and they start making out.

"This,"-Noah says, pointing to the scene- "Is your brain on beer. Any questions?"

………………………………

* * *

Eva is sitting next to John McCain. She picks up a frying pan. She smacks him with it.

"Not the Obama!"-she says to him.

………………………………

* * *

Courtney and Duncan are at the Titanic, doing THAT famous pose. Yes, the one made famous by Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet.

"Oh, Duncan. Can anything ruin this perfect moment?"-she asks him.

Kool-Aid man bursts in from the hull of the ship, and says- "Oh Yeah!!!" The ship then begins to sink.

………………………………

* * *

Gwen is walking in the meadow. Edward Cullen, in all his sparkling glory, appears before her.

"Do I dazzle you?"-he asks.

"No, not really,"-she answers.

………………………………

* * *

Trent and DJ are eating a pizza.

"Hey Trent, how much does the bill come at?"-asks DJ.

"Wait, here comes the waiter with the bill,"-says Trent.

The waiter is Darth Vader. He hands them the bill. They pay and then leave. They leave a 3 percent tip.

"What!? Only three percent! NOOOO!!!"-Says Darth Vader- "DO NOT WAAAAAAAANT!!!!"

………………………………

* * *

Tyler looks down his drain.

"Huh? What's clogging my drain?"-he asks. He reaches in. He pulls out Owen. Cue the music.

"We're no strangers to LOOOOVE!"-Owen begins to sing- "You know the rules, and so do I!"

"Rick Roll!?"-says Tyler- "No! Kill it with fire!! DO NOT WANT!!! BLAAAAAUUUUURGH!!!!"

And thus, rick rolling ceased to be, because Tyler FIRED HIZ LAZUR!!!!


	24. Chapter 24

Total Humor Island

Episode Jack Bauer: Tht's so Lindsay!!! Number… I don't know, I lost count

Lindsay was at school. The principal calls her to the office.

"Lindsay! Why the heck didn't you come to school yesterday!"-asked the principal.

"Umm, see… Yesterday, my mom broke the mirror,"-she replied.

"And what the HELL does a broken mirror have to do with You not coming to school!!!???"-the principal roared.

"Well, I didn't see myself in the mirror! And if I wasn't in the mirror, then it's because I wasn't in front of it. And if I wasn't in front of the mirror… I must have gone to school already!"-was her explanation.

* * *

Lindsay was working on her essay on her new computer. She noticed that she made a lot of typos. She is nervous, because the teacher hated typos. She needs to erase these typos, and fast. Her eyes dart across her desk. She sees some liquid paper. She sees a rubber eraser. She sees a chalkboard eraser. She is considering her options. Finally, a choice has been made. She picks up her dictionary and looks up the words she misspelled.

* * *

Lindsay was in Puerto Rico. She was in El Morro Fortress, looking at La Garrita del Diablo.

"Excuse me, Angel? What does 'La Garrita del Diablo' mean?"-she asks her tour guide.

"It means, 'The Devils Lookbox'. A fascinating story…"-Angel never got to finish that story. Lindsay was in a corner, crying her eyes out because she was so scared.

* * *

Harold asks Duncan- "What's the worse thing that could happen to a deaf man?"

Duncan replies- "For the mute to tell him the blind man's looking at him."

* * *

Lindsay was reading Harry Potter. Suddenly, a magic letter arrives! It read:

_Dear Lindsay:_

_You have been accepted into Hogwarts._

Lindsay is stunned. She looks at her book, and asks- "When did I ever apply to go to Hogwarts?"

* * *

The Question is: What does Water Damage Insurance protect you from?

Lindsay's Answer: Buyer's Remorse


	25. Chapter 25

Total Humor Island

Episode 25: A brick

Trent wanted to build a new outhouse out of exactly 99 bricks. However, they only sold the bricks at cases of 100 each. So, Trent buys himself the 100 bricks, he builds his outhouse, and then throws the remaining brick away.

* * *

Katie and Sadie were carrying the very fragile, easily broken and hard to miss Glass pane. They were carefully, VERY carefully, crossing the street with it. Katie and Sadie look around them nervously. Is something out there conspiring to break this VERY expensive glass pane?

Katie looks to her right, then to her left. Sadie looks to her left, then to her right.

"Like, I think we're safe, Katie,"-said Sadie.

"Totally safe!"-said Katie. Suddenly, their hear something. It sounds as if something is falling from the sky. Could it be… a brick?

NO! It is… a DUCK!

"Oh no! Is this little duck alright?"-asks Sadie.

"Of course I'm alright,"-says the duck- "Matter of fact, I even feel like FIRIN MAH LAZUR!!!"

The duck fires his laser, destroying the glass pane.

* * *

Heather and Bridgette were having lesbian sex. Suddenly, Bridgette hears the door opening.

"Oh no! It's my husband, Ezekiel!"-says Bridgette, in a panic. Heather, panicking herself, decides to hide in the closet, whilst Bridgette sneaks out the window.

Bridgette then realizes- "Oh no!! I left my watch in there!!!"

She finds she can't climb back up the window, so she enters through the back door. At that moment, Ezekiel enters the master bedroom. He heads for the closet to put away his suit. He opens the door, and finds Heather, in all her nakedness. That was when Bridgette entered to get her watch back. She thinks fast.

"Oh my God!!! Ezekiel, you're CHEATING ON ME!!!!"-says Bridgette.

* * *

BEFORE Eva and LeShawna got married:

Eva and LeShawna were naked in bed, making out.

"Oh, my brown chocolate goddess. I will always love you,"-says Eva, kissing her lover once more.

"And I will always love you, my sexy muscular nymph,"-says LeShawna, kissing Eva again, engaging in Round 4...

AFTER they got married:

Eva and LeShawna wore similar pajamas, and slept in the same bed. After watching the latest episode of the L word, they turn the TV off, and without even telling each other goodnight, go to sleep.

"Hey, LeShawna,"-said Eva.

"Yeah?"-asked LeShawna.

"When's the last time we… you know?"-Eva was blushing.

"Why… you want to?"-LeShawna asks.

"Yeaahhhh… no. Not really,"-says Eva.

* * *

Harold kept his collection of Glass slippers inside a tainted glass box. The box itself was worth hundreds. The collection? Thousands, almost a million bucks. Anything could break them, ANYTHING.

"Sure hope no ducks come coming in here, firing their lasers. Gosh! How annoying would that be!"-he says.

A knock on the door, Geoff bursts in, and says- "SQUADALLAH!!!!" Everything shatters.

* * *

Cody and Lindsay were at the park.

"My gosh, Cody! This was the perfect date! Could ANYTHING ruin it?"-asks Lindsay, staring into Cody's eyes/

"Nope, nothing short of a random brick falling from the sky could ruin this perfect date,"-says Cody, leaning in for a kiss.

That was when the duck popped out of the bushes, and said- "IMAH FIRIN MAH LAZUR!!!!" He then fires the laser at the two lovers.

* * *

Izzy was in the toilet, eating pancakes with ketchup. Geoff bursts into the bathroom, and yells- "SQUADALLAH!!!"

Izzy, undeterred, just points to her pancakes and says- "DINNER!!!!"

* * *

Courtney was running for office.

"The biggest problem in our nation right now is PORNOGRAPHY!!!! For example, I have recently rented this PORNOGRAPHIC film, which contained lewd scenes of man on woman, woman on woman, woman on man on woman, man on woman on man woman on horse, and man on hippopotamus sexual intercourse!!! Vote for me, and I shall rid our great country of such lewd materials! Any questions?"-she says. Tyler raises his hand.

"Yeah, I got one! Where can I get that movie!!!???"-he says excitedly.

* * *

Beth was drinking her orange juice. That was when that duck appeared!

"IMAH FIRIN MAH LAZUR!!!! OUCH!!!!!"-the duck died upon getting hit in the head with a brick.

"Where did that brick come from?"-asks Beth. Cue the X-Files music!


	26. Chapter 26

Total Humor Island

El Episodio numero 26: Special Guest Star is Sigmund Freud!!!

Sigmund Freud was analyzing Sadie, Courtney and Bridgette, who have brought their kids along.

"Each of your biggest vices manifests itself in the way you name your kids,"-he says- "For example, you Sadie, are obsessed with eating.. That's why you named your daughter Candy."

He turns to Courtney and says- "You, Courtney are obsessed with power over others. That's why you named your child Rex."

Before he could turn to Bridgette, she gets up and takes her son, and says- "Come on Dick, let's go before he starts saying bullshit about me."

* * *

Heather was on the couch. Sigmund Freud was analyzing her.

"So, doc,"-she asks- "Why am I always so mean to everybody?"

"Hmm, let's take a good look at your childhood,"-he says- "Your parents always bought you things so they wouldn't have to deal with you, you were fat as a child, and most of your friends only liked you for your things."

"Is that why I'm so mean?"-asks Heather- "Because I have trust issues?"

"No,"-he replies- "You're mean because you're rich, bitch."

* * *

Noah was done reading his book. It was a book on psychoanalysis by Sigmund Freud. After reading it, he decided to catch up on that novel his girlfriend was pestering him about. It was 'Twilight'. An hour later, he finishes it.

"Wow, reading Freud has really helped me see things more clearly,"-says Noah. That was when Bella Swan jumped out of the book, and sat next to him.

"Hey Noah,"-she says- "How did reading Freud help you understand my story?"

"It opened my eyes,"-he replies- "Now I fully understand why you love Edward so much."

"Really? How?"-she asks.

"Simple,"-he says- "You have daddy issues."

* * *

Sigmund Freud passes Izzy, and says- "What a healthy and vibrant young girl."

Sigmund Freud passes Ezekiel, and says- "What a well brought up young man."

Sigmund Freud passes Duncan, and says- "What an upstanding citizen."

Sigmund Freud passes DJ, and says- "That kid's got some issues."


	27. Chapter 27

Total Humor Island

Episode 26: A ski trip, a salad, and a classic joke.

Tyler, Trent and Ezekiel took a ski trip, and rented a room in a cabin. Sadly, the room only had one bed, so they had to share. Trent slept on the right side of the bed, Tyler on the left, and Ezekiel in the middle.

The next day, Tyler and Trent woke up with satisfied smiles.

"Man, what a dream!"-says Tyler- "I dreamt Lindsay was giving me a hand job!"

"Man oh man,"-says Trent- "I dreamt Gwen was giving me a hand job."

"You guys are lucky, dreaming about hand jobs"-says Ezekiel- "I only dreamt I went skiing."

* * *

Justin and Courtney are on the train, in the area where you have lots of beds with the curtains for privacy. Courtney, feeling rather randy, starts to rub Justin's legs rather provocatively.

"Here!?"-says Justin- "Honey, there's people around us!"

"I know, tell you what"-says Courtney- "So the others don't know what we are doing, we'll speak as if we're making a salad, ok?"

Justin agrees, and they start having sex.

"Oh wow, Justin,"-Courtney says- "What a huge carrot!"

"Oh, Courtney, your tomatoes are just so ripe and juicy,"-says Justin.

"Justin, hurry up and put that carrot in the salad,"-says Courtney.

"Yeah, here comes the carrot!"-says Justin.

"Wow, Justin, that carrot is just so yummy!"-says Courtney.

'Yeah? Well, this salad needs more than my big, fat juicy carrot. It needs some dressing!"-says Justin.

"Oh, Justin, my salad wants some of that delicious dressing you have,"-says Courtney.

"Yeah? Well, the main dressing is my special, home made mayo,"-says Justin.

"Before that, I need you to nibble on this cumquat,"- says Courtney.

"Delicious! And now, It's time to toss this salad!"-says Justin.

"Wow, Justin, you're really tossing this salad!"- Courtney says

"Courtney, be careful, I'm about to spread the mayo!!!!"-moans out Justin.

"Spread that mayo all over my plump, juicy tomatoes!"-screams out Courtney.

"Hey salad maker!!!"-says Cody, who was on the bed below theirs- "Try not to get any of that mayonnaise on the bed, alright?!"

* * *

Katie, Gwen and Bridgette joined the convent as nuns. This convent was run by the priest, Noah. The convent had a special bicycle for the nuns, which the three girls just loved riding. They rode that bike everywhere, but they especially loved riding it on rough roads. Noah, however, was annoyed by how much they loved that bike. One day, they crossed the line by having failed to do their prayers because they were on a bike ride. Having had enough, Noah issued an ultimatum- "If you ladies don't learn to behave, so help me God I SWEAR I will put the seat back on that bicycle!"


	28. Chapter 28

Total Humor Island

Episode 28: You're CHEATING ON ME!!!!!! Number 6. Plus, fun with newspapers, and a special guest!

Heather and Bridgette are on the sofa, making out. Every five seconds, Bridgette stops, and looks to the TV. There's a soccer game, Canada versus Argentina. After that, she continues. Suddenly, she looks at the TV, gasps, and stops.

"Heather, we better stop,"-says Bridgette- "The game's almost at half time, and my husband is bound to find us out!"

Right in front of them, Ezekiel is glued to the TV. As Bridgette predicted, at half time, he turns around, and finally notices Heather.

"Hey, Heather, when did you come in?"-asks Ezekiel.

" Uh… about five minutes ago,"-Heather lies. She's been there for almost the whole game, really.

"Oh, me and Bridge are watching the game!"-Ezekiel says- "Wanna stay?"

"Uh, sure,"-Heather says. Bridgette starts to sweat bullets. The game is back on. Ezekiel's undivided attention is on the game. Bridgette and Heather start making out again. On the couch. Three feet away from her husband.

"Oh, shit!!!! Damned news bulletin!"-Ezekiel says. He turns around to face his wife, and sees her making out with Heather- "Bridgette, you're cheating on me, and CANADA'S LOSING!!!!!!!!"

* * *

Duncan was reading the Nutrition Label on his cereal. He has a concentrated look on his face. Suddenly, Gwen walks in.

"Honey, the paper's here"-Gwen hands Duncan the newspaper. His face lights up, and he starts reading the paper.

* * *

DJ was watching the news on the TV while eating breakfast. His wife, Katie, is a bit crossed. And she says- "DJ! Read the newspaper, like any normal husband would do!"

* * *

Noah was eating breakfast. He has a five o'clock shadow, pillow hair, and droopy eyes. He looks ghastly. His wife, Beth, who was sitting across him, looks at him miffed, and says- "Why can't you just read the newspaper, like any normal husband?"

* * *

Cody and Lindsay were having a picnic at the park.

"Oh, Cody,"-Lindsay says while giving him a loving look- "Is there anything that could ruin this perfect moment?"

Before Cody could answer, Kool-Aid man bursts out of the picnic basket, and says- "Oh yeah!!!!!"


	29. Chapter 29

Total Humor Island

Episode 28: The Confessions

Bridgette walked into the booth, to do her confession.

"Father, I confess I have sinned,"-she says.

"What is it you have done?'-asks the priest.

"I have had premarital sexual relations with my boyfriend, Geoff,"-she says.

"Say 20 Hail Mary's, and you shall be forgiven,"-says the priest.

"Let's make that 40,"-she says.

"Why so?'-asks the priest.

"Because tonight I'm going back for seconds,"-she replies.

* * *

Duncan enters the confession booth.

"Forgive me father, for I have sinned,"-says Duncan.

"What have you done?"-asks the priest.

"I have desired a woman in my heart,"-says Duncan.

"Who, my son?"-asks the priest.

"Stacy's mom,"-Duncan says.

"Ah, my son,"-says the priest- "It's ok to lust after Stacy's mom, she's got it going on!"

* * *

Eva enters the confession booth.

"Forgive me father, I have sinned,"-she says.

"Tell me your sin,"-the priest replies.

"I beat up Katie in the head with a pair of porcelain figures,"-she says.

"My word, you mean…"-The priest looks horrified.

Eva then says-"Yes, Father. I committed a knick-knack paddy whack."

* * *

DJ enters the confession booth.

"Father, there is something you must know,"-he says.

"What is it my son?"-asks the priest.

"Last night, Lindsay and Izzy came to my house, and the three of us fornicated,"-says DJ.

"Do you regret this act of fornication?"-asks the priest.

"Heck no!"-DJ says.

"Then why come to me and confess?"-says the priest, confused.

"Because I'm telling everybody!"-DJ says with a grin.


	30. Chapter 30

Total Humor Island

Episode 30: Owen's Motivational Van Down by the River. With the debuts of Alejandro and Sierra!

(Yes, this is a Saturday Night Live skit. But I tweaked it a bit.)

Lindsay and Cody are sorely disappointed in how Sierra and Alejandro have contributed so little to their joint school project.

"Sierra, Alejandro, we need to talk,"-Lindsay says with utmost seriousness.

"Listen, guys,"-says Cody- "We know you guys are not very motivated to do this project, but if we don't do it, we'll fail!"

"So?"-asks Alejandro- "No skin off MY back."

"I, uh, I accidentally failed a few tests, so I'm gonna have to repeat the class anyway,"-says Sierra, sheepishly.

"Well, me and Lindsay don't want to fail,"-says Cody- "So we brought in a guy to help motivate you! Come on in, Owen!"

"Hey guys! Who's ready to get motivated!?'-Owen says, excited as ever.

"Hooray, a fat guy,"-says Alejandro with no enthusiasm at all.

"Okay! Now, you all know me!"-says Owen- "I'm as excited as can be to do some homework!"

"Oh, joy of joys,"-says Alejandro, with zero motivation- "Homework. What better way to spend a Saturday?"

"I know of a WORSE way to spend a Saturday, Mister!"-says Owen, poking Alejandro's chest- "And that is to eat popcorn at your VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!!!"

"My what?"-asks Alejandro, incredulous and bored.

"Yeah! If you don't do your homework, that's how you are gonna turn up!"-says Owen. He turns to Sierra, and says- "You! You excited to do some homework?"

"No, teacher said I'd fail the class anyway,"-says Sierra.

"Well now, if you fail to do your homework,"-says Owen- "Then you will just have to get used to living in a VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!!!"

Sierra starts to cry. Owen then asks- "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

"I, uh, wanted to be a blogger, maybe,"-Sierra responds in tears.

"Oh! You'll get to blog, alright,"-Owen says- "When you live in a VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!!!"

Owen turns to Alejandro, who was just scoffing at everything he said, and asked- "You! What do you want to do when you grow up?"

"I want to live in a van down by the river,"-Alejandro responds with utmost sarcasm.

"Oh! You'll LOVE living in a van down by the river,"-says Owen- "Until you have to live in a VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!!!"

"So! You guys must be asking yourselves,"-Owen starts to jog in place- "Hey Owen! How do we get back on track!?"

"Not really,"-says Alejandro.

"Well, you just gotta do your homework!"-says Owen- "It's that easy! You don't have to wind up living in a VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!!!"

"But I told you!"-Sierra objects- "I'm gonna fail the class anyway!"

"So that's all ya gotta do!"-says Owen, exiting the room- "Goodbye! See you later!"

"That guy was the worst motivational speaker ever,"-says Lindsay- "I didn't feel motivated at all."

"Me neither,"-says Sierra- "In fact, I feel even worse than I did no less than twelve minutes ago!"

"You guys know the worst part of this?'-says Alejandro, with a devilish grin on his face- "We're STILL not gonna contribute to this project! Ha Ha, you're gonna fail!"

"Oh man!"-Cody stomps the ground in frustration- "Where does that leave us?"

That was when Owen burst in, and said- "Doomed to live in a VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!!!"


	31. Chapter 31

Total Humor Island

Episode 31: And now for something completely different!

Sierra and Geoff had decided to play a trick on poor little Lindsay.

"Hey Lindsay!"-says Geoff.

"Hi Greg, uh, I mean Geoff!"-she replies. She does not notice that Sierra is hiding in a corner behind Geoff, giggling.

"So, how are you and Tyler do… oh my God! What is that!?"-Geoff screams out, pointing behind Lindsay. Lindsay turns, wishing to see what got Geoff so riled up. As she turns around, Geoff and Sierra switch places.

"There's nothing there, Geoff,"-she turns back, and sees Sierra right where Geoff stood- "Oh my gosh! Where's Geoff?"

"I'm right here,"-says Sierra.

"No, Geoff's a boy,"-says Lindsay.

"Sometimes, my pee pee falls off, and I become a girl,"-says Sierra, trying her best to hold back the laughter.

"Oh my gosh!"-Lindsay is shocked, to say the least- "Does that happen often?"

"Every once in a while,"-Sierra responds.

"Oh. My. GOSH!!!!"-Lindsay is absolutely horrified.

"Yeah… Hey what's that!?"-Sierra points behind Lindsay. As Lindsay turns back, Sierra switches places with Geoff.

"There's nothing there… GEOFF!!!"-Lindsay is shocked again- "You're a boy again!"

"Yeah, sometimes my pee pee crawls back up,"-says Geoff, stifling his giggles. Behind him in the corner, Sierra is dying of stifled laughter.

"Oh my gosh, that must be so hard for you!"-says Lindsay. Suddenly, an idea comes to her head, and she says- "Is there a chance it can also attach itself to ME!?"

"Sure can,"-Geoff says. Lindsay nearly faints.

"Oh my gosh,"-she's starting to cry- "I have to be more careful! I don't want to get a pee pee attached to me!"

"Yeah, but I know of a trick that can help you keep it away,"-says Geoff- "You have to close your eyes, count to five, point forward, and spin, all at once!"

Lindsay follows Geoff's instructions. While she's spinning with her eyes closed, Sierra comes out, and stands besides Geoff. Lindsay opens her eyes, and sees Sierra.

"Oh. My. Gosh,"-Lindsay is absolutely horrified- "Geoff… there's two of you!"

"Yeah, this happens too,"-says Geoff. Sierra stifles her laughter. Lindsay is starting to sob.

"Lindsay! I know of a great trick to help me become one again!"-says Sierra- "You have to run home, flap your hands like they're bunny ears and shout 'bukake bukake!' It's the only way!"

Lindsay does as she is told. As soon as she's gone, Geoff, Sierra and everyone that had witnessed the spectacle erupted in laughter.


	32. Chapter 32

Total Humor Island

Episode 32: Song Parody!!!

(Umbrella, by Rihanna. Parodied by Bridgette and DJ)

_(DJ)_

_Uh huh, uh huh. Yeah! Uh huh, uh huh._

_Yo, my girl Bridgette! Surfer girl Lady_

_Will she break up with Geoff? Who knows, maybe_

_Yo, I'm DJ, bubba!_

_I'm the black cracker jack, no I ain't no punk_

_Bridgett's quite a sexy momma!_

_She got her eyes on the prize, and I'm talking bout my JUNK!_

_Bridgette! Where you at?_

_(Bridgette)_

_I'm over here!_

_And Geoff's nowhere near!_

_Sexy time is here._

_Put that junk in my rear!_

_Heather tasted my ex's dick_

_She gave his ass a lick!_

_So can I be blamed_

_If I want to get some strange?_

_Yes I am a true believer_

_In that hardcore jungle fever!_

_He's my boy, I am his girl_

_Hell's yeah, we both down with that swirl!_

_DJ may be whipped out by his ma_

_But he makes me whimper 'oh papa'_

_I can't lie, that's what I Wanna_

_Be under that hunk o rama!_

_Rama, rama, rama, ey, ey, ey_

_Under that hunk o rama, rama, rama_

_Ey, ey, ey, ey, ey, ey!_

_(DJ)_

_She's what I want._

_She's a super sexy blonde._

_Her boyfriend's very far_

_I'll take her to my car._

_She's a very sexy dove_

_She was brought to me from above_

_I wanna give her some_

_Of my Mandingo love!_

_Because!_

_She and I are secret lovers!_

_She gives my big fat dick a buffer!_

_I never once heard her complain_

_When I gave her all my chocolate rain!_

_Now that her ass is wider than ever!_

_She and I will be together!_

_I just love to eat her beaver_

_I give Bridge jungle fever! Fever, fever_

_Ey, ey, ey!_

_Gave her jungle fever! Fever, fever._

_Ey, ey, ey, ey, ey, ey!_

_(Both)_

(Dear readers: The rest of this song is extremely lewd, and may be offensive to readers of all ages. If you wish to hear the rest of this song, visit double you double you double you dot fake site dot com slash parody page. Thank you)


	33. Chapter 33

Total Humor Island

Episode 33: Fun with McDonald's

Geoff entered the McDonald's. He goes to the cash register to place his order.

"Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order?"-the friendly cashier asks.

"Yes,"-Geoff replies- "I'd like a cheese pizza."

"What?"-the cashier blinks- "But sir, this is a McDonald's!"

"Oh! Sorry then,"-Geoff apologizes- "In that case, I'd like a cheese pizza!"

"Sir! This is a McDonald's!"-she says- "We don't serve pizza!"

"Oh!? And what do you serve?"-Geoff asks.

"We serve hamburgers,"-the cashier replies- "Now, what type of hamburger would you like?"

"A cheese pizza!"-Geoff says, smiling.

"Sir, I explained!"-she says- "We don't serve pizza here! Only hamburgers!"

"Sorry, sorry,"-Geoff says in all honesty- "I'd like to order a cheese pizza."

"You!!!!!!"-the cashier is angry now- "Get this through your thick skull!!! We! Only! Serve! Hamburgers!!!!!!!"

"Jesus! No need to be so testy!"-Geoff says- "I mean, all I'm trying to do is order some food!"

"Sorry, sorry,"-the cashier apologizes- "And what kind of food would you like?"

"A cheese pizza,"-Geoff replies, smiling.

"You mother fucker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"-the cashier yells at the top of her lungs- "I told you once, I told you a billion times!!!! THIS IS A MOTHER FUCKING McDONALD'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Jesus! I thought this was a nice, family friendly place!"-Geoff says, annoyed- "Fine then. I'll take my business elsewhere!"

Geoff leaves the McDonald's, and goes to the local Pizza Hut.

"Welcome to Pizza Hut, may I take your order?'-asks the cashier.

"Yeah, I'd like a Big Mac,"-Geoff replies.

WILL NOT BE CONTINUED!!!!

………………………………........................................................................................................................

Courtney and Justin worked at McDonald's. Justin goes to the salads, and starts to snicker.

"Hey Courtney,"-he says- "Remember when we made that salad on that train?"

"Oh yeah,"-she replies, cooing- "Until Cody ruined the whole thing, that was one of the best I've ever had."

"You, uh,"-he has a devilish grin on his face- "Wanna go to the back room, and make another one?"

"Sure,"-she winks at him. They go to the back room, and start taking their clothes off.

"Oh, wow Justin!"-Says Courtney- "That carrot of yours looks so big and juicy!"

"Yeah! And your tomatoes are looking as plump and juicy as ever!"-Justin replies.

"Oh, Justin!"-Courtney moans- "This cauliflower is begging to be handled!"

"Maybe it needs the company of my carrot!"-Justin says with pure excitement.

"Oh, Justin!"-Courtney moans in pleasure- "That carrot sure knows how to work it!"

"Yeah! And this cauliflower is so wet and slippery!"-Justin

"Justin,"-she moans- "Put that hot dog in my buns."

"Here it comes!"-he says- "Oh, Courtney! These buns are so soft!"

"Oh, Justin!"-she screams out- "I'm loving this!!!"

"Hey Justin!"-Beth says, just outside the door- "After you and Courtney are done making that salad, how about I come in there and the three of us can make a sandwich?"


	34. Chapter 34

Total Humor Island

Episode 35: Classic Jokes, and the da Vinci Code

Owen wanted to lose weight. No kidding. So, he asked Trent for help.

"Tell ya what, Owen, you leave that to me,"-Trent says with a wink.

The next day, Owen's doorbell rings. He opens the door, and finds Lindsay waiting for him.

"Hey, Omar?"-she says- "Todd told me to tell you, if you can catch me, I'm yours."

She starts running, and Owen chases after her. Boy, was he motivated to catch her! This goes on for five weeks. Every day, Lindsay would ring the bell, and Owen would chase her.

Then, one day…

The doorbell. Owen opens the door, and is surprised to see Beth.

"Hey Owen?"-she says- "Trent told me, if I could catch you, you're mine."

Owen started to run. Boy, was he motivated!

……………………………….........................................................................................................................

The old priest ran the confessions in town. Shocked at how many women admitted to infidelity, he came up with a new code for it. From that point onward, whenever a woman committed adultery, she said she had 'fallen in the hole'. This goes on for eleven years, until the priest died. Ezekiel replaces him, unaware of the code term. One day, he goes to Duncan, the mayor.

"Duncan! You have got to do something about this hole that the women keep falling into!"-Ezekiel says.

Duncan, well aware of the code, burst out laughing. Ezekiel chides him for it, and says- "Why are you laughing!? Your wife has already come to me twelve times, telling me about how she fell in that hole!"

……………………………….........................................................................................................................

As Courtney and Noah analyzed the Mona Lisa, they could hear the Evil Albino Silas approaching them.

"Quick! What does the clue mean!?"-asks Courtney.

"The blood that's been used to mark the Fibonacci sequence also seems to make a bit of an arrow, pointing at the Mona Lisa's left shoulder. The left shoulder, for centuries, has been held as the place where the good side of your nature was absent, allowing for the 'Devil' to appear there, and misguide you,"-Noah explains- "The 'Devil', as you know, is an invention of the Medieval Catholic Church, which sought to eradicate all forms of paganism, and began to attribute their elements to 'Evil'. This includes turning the pagan god Baphomet into the Devil. Baphomet is represented by a ram's horn, originating the word 'horny'. Horny… the next clue is located in the Garden of Earthly Delights…the Millennium Triptych!"

"How do you know all that?"-Courtney asks, amazed.

"I made it all up,"-Noah responds.


	35. Chapter 35

Total Humor Island

Episode 36: The triumphant return of Kool-Aid man!

Justin was in his room, flexing his muscles. Looking at himself gave him one heck of a boner (Oh, come on! I had to, ok! It was so obvious!). He starts masturbating to the sight of himself.

"Oh yeah, am I good looking or what?" Justin looks at his erect member, and starts to stroke. That was when a violent burst on his wall startled him. In comes Kool-Aid man!

"Oh yeah!"

…...

Sierra is looking at pictures of Cody. She starts to clip together pictures of herself and him, and gluing them together, making it look like they are an item.

"Is this… stalkerish?" Sierra asks herself. In comes Kool-Aid man!

"Oh yeah!" He shakes his head in disapproval.

…...

Alejandro is having a drink.

"Today is a good day to just relax." He says to himself. In comes Kool-Aid man, bursting through the walls!

"Oh yeah!" he says. Alejandro freaks out.

"Oh my God!" He pulls out a rifle, and shoots the Kool-Aid man dead.

"What the hell!" I am just so surprised at this sudden turn of events!

"Dude! It's a giant, walking, talking pitcher of fake juice! How the hell am I supposed to react!" He says to me, that smug snake.

"Well, how about just leaving him be!" I yell at the top of my lungs. "You didn't have to kill him!"

"That things a dude!" Alejandro looks at me incredulously, then accusatorily. Yes, that is a word. "I'm sorry, but this THING lacks the proper equipment! And accusatorily is NOT a word!"

"Yes it is!" I insist. "I used it, and spell check did NOT underline it!"

"Are you sure you're not using it wrong!" He asks me, his face giving off a smug vibe. "And I am NOT smug!"

"Yes you are! I've only seen one episode of World Tour, and I can already tell you're a smug snake!"

Alejandro looks taken aback. He steps back a bit. Ha, what a tool.

"What's going on here?" Crap, it's Gwen. Fun's over.

"Hey! You, the fan fic author! What the hell are you doing, breaking the fourth wall!" She screeches at me.

"Alejandro killed Kool-Aid man, effectively ending that gag." I sigh in exasperation.

"Another large word! Are you feeling talkative today!" Alejandro really is trying my patience today.

"Okay, okay, this has gone on long enough!" Gwen says to me. "Let's do something. Let's just go on with the next joke, okay!"

"But I wanted to do another Kool-Aid man gag!" My pouting is quite immature.

"He dead, man." Gwen sighs. "Listen, just keep up the writing ok?"

"But… what will I do without the Kool-Aid man gag?" I ask. "Without it, what gags am I left with?"

As if on cue, Ezekiel walks in. "Have you seen Bridgette?"

Inspirations hit me like a thousand suns. So, on with another joke!

…...

Bridgette and Izzy were just sitting on the couch… doing nothing. That was quite anti-climactic.

A big lipped alligator moment!

…...

"Oh my God! I have run out of jokes!"

"Come on, author. You must have ONE joke left!" Bridgette consoles me in vain.

"No! Without Kool-Aid man, my life… is hopeless!"

"Oh, come on, 100tenmillion. You can tell a funny joke!" Izzy smiles at me.

"No… no I cannot…"

"Awwwww…" Both girls hug me tightly.

"Can… can I convince the two of you to make out with each other?" I get slapped, hard. Suddenly, I get inspired. Then I lose my inspiration.

"If I cannot come up with a new gag within five chapters… the sixth shall be… the last…" I sign off…


	36. Chapter 36

Total Humor Island

Episode 37: Primordial Scene. Special Guest appearance by Jefferson, from my other fan fic 'Sins of the Mother'!

_Yes, this is taken from the Fresh Prince._

Jefferson is Bridgette's son. He looks a lot like his late father, Geoff. The only difference is that he is a more serious fellow. He is 19. Anyway, Jefferson was walking towards his mother's bedroom. It was late at night.

"Mom? I need to ask you something." Jefferson opens the door to his mother's bedroom. "I need to talk to you about Megan and me."

Jefferson turns on the light. Bridgette's cover ruffle up a bit. She peers out towards the door, and is shocked to see her son. Jefferson now has a puzzled look on his face. DJ, peers out of the covers too, obviously not wearing a shirt, a shocked look on his face. He gives a sheepish grin. Realization.

"Momma NOOOOOOO!" Jefferson stats crying. "AHHHHHHHH!"

"Jeff, son, I-" Bridgette just couldn't get her son to calm down. Jefferson is still screaming like a banshee. He walks down towards the chair, and sits down.

"You, him, here!" Jefferson is still crying like a child. "I need a moment!"

Jefferson composes himself. He dries his tears, and stops crying. "I'm an adult. I can handle this."

Hesitantly, he turns his gaze towards his mother. Who was still in the nude, still in bed with DJ, who was also in the nude. This sight alone is enough to drive Jefferson back into tears. "Momma NOOOOOOO!"

"Come on Jeff, calm down ok?' DJ interjects. "After all, your mom is a grown woman. She isn't doing anything wrong!"

Jefferson suddenly gets an angry look on his face. He gets up, and walks towards DJ. He points to him while looking away. "Oh, I'm not ready to talk to YOU yet young man!"

Jefferson composes himself again. He gets up, and walks out of the bedroom. He turns around, and faces his mother. "Mom… I just don't… Oh God, I'm getting mental pictures!"

Jefferson starts crying again. Like a sniveling twit, he exit's the bedroom, crying like a girl. "Momma NOOO!"


	37. Chapter 37

Total Humor Island

Episode 38: Bilingual Bonus

Geoff and Bridgette were on a date in a Spanish restaurant. Alejandro was their waiter.

"Hey, uh, we'd like to order." Geoff signaled to Alejandro.

"Diga lo que quiere." Alejandro takes out his notebook. Geoff looks at him puzzled. Alejandro looks a bit annoyed.

"Uh… yeah, uh… I just want to order some food?" Geoff seems somewhat nervous.

"Usted entiende el Castellano?" Alejandro gains a delighted face when Geoff looks at him, puzzled. "Pendejo, usted no tiene ni idea de lo que le digo, verdad?'

"Huh? You only speak Spanish?" Geoff looks at his date, who seems somewhat entranced by Alejandro.

"Oye, pendejo, esta chava esta bien rica." Alejandro looks at Bridgette. "Quiero que me chupe la pinga."

"Hey, uh, you speak any English?" Alejandro nods, Geoff is relieved. "Ah, must be part of the job, you can only speak Spanish."

"La chavita tuya tiene cara de putita. Se nota que se la mamaria a cualquiera." Alejandro winks at Bridgette, who giggles.

"I have no idea what you've just said." Bridgette blushes. "But I'm flattered."

"Anyway, I want… this." Geoff points to a picture.

"Ah! Te dare comida de gato, jamas notaras la diferencia." Alejandro does the 'gourmet' hand sign.

"I'd like some of this." Bridgette points to another picture.

"Voy a escupir en tu comida." Alejandro winks at Bridgette. She blushes.

"Could you recommend a good wine?" Geoff fiddles with his tie.

"Le voy a traer Agua de Culo." Alejandro gives him the thumbs up. "Y para postre, voy a coger tu puta y la voy a chingar por el culo."

"Ok! That sounds good!" Geoff dismisses Alejandro.

"Hijo de la gran puta." Alejandro goes off laughing.


	38. Chapter 38

Total Humor Island

I lost count, which episode number is this one again?: Song Parody! With special guest star, Jacob Black from 'Twilight'!

"OK, contestants! Here we are in Forks, Washington! The next challenge.." Chris is interrupted by the appearance of nine boys and a girl. "Ah! You're here! Contestants, meet today's special singers!"

"Huh! What's with those guys!" Alejandro is perplexed by their appearance.

"The challenge is, you gotta beat US at a song contest!" Said Jacob Black. Leah stands behind him, with Quil and Embry at his side. The Music starts. It's 'Poker Face' by Lady Gaga.

"Nyah nyah nyah nyah." Jacob sings along to the tune.

"Oh God, please stop." Alejandro is horrified. "Not a Lady Gaga parody!"

"Nyah nyah nyah nyah." Jacob continues. The rest of the pack start doing a small dance.

_I wanna duel them like they do in Yu-gi-oh!_

_Face up, face down, spell cards, tarp cards, go time roulette go! (I love it!)_

_Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun! (No!)_

_But killing newborn vampires, that'd be tons of fun! (Yeah!)_

_Oh! Ohhh Oh! Oh, oh! Ohhhh, oh!_

_Here's a surprise, I got squinty eyes!_

_Oh! Ohhh oh! Oh, oh! Ohhhh, oh!_

_It's no big deal, I just hate eating veal._

_Can't beat my, can't beat my!_

_No they can't beat my_

_Werewolf Rage!_

_I don't want to be a furry._

_Can't beat my, can't beat my!_

_No they can't beat my_

_Werewolf Rage!_

_I don't wanna be a furry._

_Ruff ruff ruff_

_Werewolf Rage_

_Ruff ruff werewolf rage_

_(Nyah nyah nyah nyah)_

_Ruff ruff ruff_

_Werewolf rage_

_Ruff ruff werewolf rage_

_(nyah nyah nyah nyah)_

_Met this chick with real nice boobies_

_But she treats me like a noobie!_

_I like Bella, I love Bella_

_But she treats me like a fella!_

_I won't lose to Jas and Eddy_

_Cus them a pair of baddies_

_And it's such a mess, such a mess_

_To Bella, I'm just second best!_

_Can't beat my, can't beat my!_

_No they can't beat my_

_Werewolf Rage!_

_I don't want to be a furry._

_Can't beat my, can't beat my!_

_No they can't beat my_

_Werewolf Rage!_

_I don't wanna be a furry._

_Ruff ruff ruff_

_Werewolf Rage_

_Ruff ruff werewolf rage_

_(Nyah nyah nyah nyah)_

_Ruff ruff ruff_

_Werewolf rage_

Chef walks over to the ten youths. "Excuse me, but I do believe, that sucked ass."


	39. Chapter 39

Total Humor Island

The truly last, ultimate, final episode that sees the end of this long fan fic series: 100tenmillion calls it quits (sad frowny emoticon face)

I just couldn't anymore. I tried so hard, but… nothing is worth it anymore. Kool-Aid man is dead. He was my best running gag. I regret not using him more. For this reason… I hereby end this fic… with a whimper.

"Hold on!" Bridgette screams to my ear. "You can't end the series like that!"

"Yes I can." My ear hurts.

"No you can't!" Bridgette insists. "You already quit that other fan fic 'Oh Mandy!'. You can't quit THIS one!"

"Yeah dude!" Geoff steps up. "I mean, people actually LIKE this fic series!"

"Yeah! 'Oh Mandy' was a big piece of crap, but THIS one is actually funny!" Bridgette grabs my shirt collar.

"You gotta keep going, eh?" Ezekiel pops up. Soon, all other 19 campers appear.

"No… I just can't think of anything." I sigh in defeat.

"Come on. You wrote that craptastic 'Nightmares in Wawanakwa', you can come up with a good joke or two." I glance at Noah, who is giving me a look.

"Can we at least have one more joke were Bridgette cheats on Ezekiel?" Katie looks at me with pleading eyes.

"Oh, come on, eh? Those jokes are sad." I agree with Ezekiel.

"Oh, like YOU got a right to complain!" Tyler seems oddly snappish today. "Kobold Necromancer's Marty Stu!"

"Come on, leave the Kobold Necromancer alone." Katie intervenes, trying to calm everyone down. "I mean, how is it his fault he wrote the single best TDI fanfic ever written?"

"Yeah, I mean, I loved it!" Sadie jumps for joy. " That 'Love ain't easy, it's Ezzy' is just BEYOND brilliant!"

"Come on, guys!" I am so sad right now, and these campers just made me feel worse. "Do we really have to promote that guy's fan fics here? I mean, I only have, like, 3 readers. I don't want to lose them to the KN."

"Sorry dude. Anyway, I got some people here who would like to have a word with you." Duncan motions for those guys to enter. It's…

Oh my goodness! It's Megan from 'Sins of the Mother' and Lawghlin from 'Chapter Black!' Why are they here?

"Here's a question! When will you update my fan fic!" Lawghlin grabs my shirt collar menacingly.

"Hey, author." Megan smiles at me with her sweet, beautiful smile. She reminds me of Heather, whom I admit is my favorite character from Total Drama. I worry I made Megan a Mary Sue, though. "Come on, you can take your time. I know you are under a lot of stress. And if you want to quit, you can."

"Mary Sue." Duncan confirms my suspicions. "Hey! Know what? I think we need to look at that contract, one more time."

I produce the contract. It was the contract I signed with each of the 22 campers, alongside Kool-Aid Man, Sierra and Alejandro.

"Ok, so according to this, I have violated the clause. Seems I am to compensate you for ending this fic."

"Sweet! What do I get!" I really hate that Courtney.

"Says here, Courtney, you get… a boot to the head." I take a boot and throw it at her head!

"Ow! That hurt!" She rubs her head as I snicker. Everyone else does, too.

"Duncan, says here you are entitled to… a boot to the head." I produce another boot. Pow! I look over at Noah.

"Hey, I don't want no boot to the head!" He covers his head.

"You are entitled to… this copy of Midnight Sun." I await for him to grab the book. "Plus a boot to the head." Pow!

Noah rubs his head. I snicker. "And another for Duncan and Courtney." Pow! Pow!

"Owen is hereby titled to my valued boot to the head." Pow! "And Beth is to be given… a boot to the foot. And another boot to the head for Duncan and Courtney!"

"Hey! What about YOU!" Bridgette is pissed.

"Says here, due to violations of the Fourth Wall, shamelessly promoting my other fan fics, and promoting the fanfic of some other writer, I get… a wild Tasmanian devil… to be put in my TROUSERS!" Oooooowwwwwwwwww! With the pain, and the hurting and the owies!

"Is that it?" Tyler is shocked. "That's disgraceful! None of the rest of us got jack shit!"

"There's one last stipulation here. The rest of you get ice cream."

"Ice cream?" DJ is quite shocked. "Well, what flavor is it?"

"Hey, I think this tub says it's… 'Boot to the head' flavor?"

"Oh yeah!" Kool-Aid man returns! He produces a slew of boots, and throws them at each of the campers heads! Plus an extra pair for Courtney and Duncan!

"You! You planned this whole thing from the get go, didn't you!' Eva is quite angry.

I smile at Kool-Aid man. He says it all. "Oh yeah!"

This is NOT the final episode! I got more jokes coming up, so stay tuned!


	40. Chapter 40

Total Humor Island

Episode 40: Geoff can't take a hint (based on Real Life events)

Bridgette called Geoff. "Hey Sweetie, how are ya?" She was using her sultry voice.

"Oh, Hey Bridge! Wassup!" Geoff replied in his usual, happy tone.

"Oh, baby, I'm in need of a man." Bridgette coos.

"Why, is something in need of fixing?" Geoff is puzzled. Bridgette giggles.

"Oh, Geoff, you're so funny. No, I need a man who can… you know…" Bridgette is still using her sexy voice. For the record, she was also touching herself.

"Uh, you need a man… to fix your roof?" Geoff asks.

"No, baby. I need a man who can make me scream." Bridgette gushes.

"Oh… you need a man… to tell you a scary story?" Geoff scratches his head. At about this time, Ezekiel picks up the phone at the other room.

"No… Geoff… I'm so lonely over here." Bridgette was still touching herself.

"Oh, well, where did Gwen go?" Geoff asks.

"She's with Duncan. Those two are having a blast… together… in her room. Oh Geoff, I can hear them from here. That's why I need you."

Geoff scratches his head. "Oh, but… I had plans… I have a ton of homework… and I really can't come over and play board games. Hey! I know! You can call Lindsay! Maybe she can be on your team!"

"Oh, Geoff… if that's the case… you need to know what I'm rubbing."

"You're rubbing your head!" Geoff is shocked. "Did you get hurt!"

"No, lower. And it feels so good!" Bridgette rubbed faster.

"You're rubbing your neck?"

"No. Lower." Bridgette was sweating now.

"Your foot?" Geoff scratches his head, and takes a bite of his hot dog.

"No… a little higher. Oh Geoff, how hot do you have it?" Bridgette was a little desperate now.

"Oh yeah, it's nice and warm." Geoff looks at his hot dog.

"Is it nice and stiff?"

"No, this hot dog is kinda floppy. And it could use some ketchup." Geoff looks at his hot dog, and then shrugs his shoulders. "But, you know, whatever."

"Hot dog?" Bridgette stops. She hears a doorbell on the other side of the line.

"Oh! Heather's here with our project. Gotta go, bye!" Geoff hangs up the phone.

Stunned, Bridgette lays on her bed with her pants down. For some reason, she can still hear Geoff and Heather in the background, talking about… their Social Science project due at the end of the month.

"Hey Bridgette, still touching yourself?" Ezekiel has a sly smile on his face. "I'm touching something hot and stiff, and it's all for you, eh?"


	41. Chapter 41

Total Humor Island

Episode 41: Final Fantasy

Once upon a time in the land of Melmond, the splendor of vegetation decayed. It was prophesized that 4 Light warriors would come and save the day…

"Hello, welcome to Coneria, the city of dreams!" Lindsay welcomes the Four Light Warriors: Dune the Fighter, Leo the Red Mage, Kyle the Black Belt, and John the Thief. "How may I help you?"

"Yes, we seek the King of Coneria." Dune takes her hand and kisses it.

"Hey! Quit hitting on my girl!" Tyler punches Dune's lights out. Leo is stunned.

"Oh no! Do we have a Phoenix Down!" John looks into his pocket. "I don't think we have any!"

"Leo! Use Life!" Leo looks at Kyle puzzled. "You…don't know that spell yet…do you?"

"I'm only level 1! In fact, we all are!" Leo stomps his foot on the ground. Lindsay looks nervous.

"Maybe you guys should have gotten a White Mage instead…" Tyler backs away from the three remaining Light Warriors.

Moral of the story: Prophecies are stupid.

…...

"Now! Maria, Guy, Noah! We must empower ourselves, to defeat the Emperor!" Firion stands tall, his Excalibur Sword in hand, Aegis Shield in the other. "To ensure we are in top condition, we shall hit ourselves with all our might, therefore gaining strength!"

"Wow, that sounded so retarded." Noah rolls his eyes.

"Guy got two Axes in hands. Guy can kill Maria if no careful." Guy looks at Noah. "Guy kill Noah too."

"Ok, know what? That is just… who raised you! And who the hell allowed you to come on this trip!" Noah stamps his foot.

"My brother… where could he be?" Maria's hair blows in the wind.

"Do you even have a personality?" Noah rolls his eyes at Maria.

"Warriors. I have come with a new ally." Minwu shows Leon. "But…only four of you may face the Emperor. Who will stay behind?"

"Noah." All three say in unison.

"Whatever. I'm out of here." Noah rolls his eyes, and leaves.

…...

"Awwww, you're so cute." DJ pinches one of the Onion Knights cheeks. "Don't go anywhere near that cave over there! It's dark and scary!"

"Oh boy! A dark and scary cave!" the Red Onion Knight yells excitedly. "Come on, guys! Let's go over there to prove how brave we are!"

DJ watches as the Knights rush towards the cave. "What could be the consequences of what I just did?"

…...

"Cecil! Hand over the Earth Crystal!" Heather is atop the Falcon, surrounded by Baron soldiers.

"Very well, it is yours." Cecil hands over the Earth Crystal. "Now, return Rosa to me!"

Heather stays silent, giving Cecil a look. Then she kicks him in the balls. "Do I LOOK like I got your girl! Wow, you're stupid!"

…...

"Zeke, you really shouldn't pee on trees." Geoff is nervous. "These woods give me the creeps."

"Relax, eh? What's the worse that could happen?" Ezekiel zips his fly, and walks off. He does not notice that the tree he was peeing on is now moving.

"I am EX-DEATH! WHO DARES PEE ON EX-DEATH!" The tree howls. Geoff cowers behind Ezekiel.

Ezekiel looks somewhat nervous. He then takes out his lighter, and smirks. He lights it. "I, Ezekiel, have dared to pee on Ex-Death!"

…...

Izzy was hanging out in Vector with some Gestahlian soldiers. That was when she spotted Kefka.

"Die, monster! You don't belong in this world!" Kefka shouts at her.

"It was not by MY hands that I am once again given flesh!" Izzy stands up. "I was brought here by, HUMANS, who wished to pay ME, tribute!"

"Tribute! You steal men's souls, and make them your slaves!"

Izzy grabs a glass of wine. "Perhaps the same could be said of ALL religions."

"Your words are as empty as your soul! Man kind ill needs a savior such as you!"

"Enough! What is a man!" Izzy throws the glass towards Kefka, which hits him in the face. "A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk! I'm out of here."

…...

Alejandro had gone on a date on the Gold Saucer with Tifa. All throughout the date, Alejandro stole glimpses at her huge…eyes. Yeah… I swear… who am I kidding? You k now what he was staring at.

"Alejandro… thank you for showing me such a good time." Tifa blushes madly. "I… I just needed to get out of the house, you know?"

"No problem. For a lady like you? Anything!" Alejandro winks at her. He leans in for a kiss. Tifa is too enamored to do anything, except anticipate the kiss.

"Tifa!" Cloud is enraged. "You're CHEATING ON ME!"

…...

Gwen looks at Squall's gunblade. She chuckles. "Trying to compensate for something?"

…...

Owen was eating the Dead Peppers. "Yum, these yummy-yummies are yummy-yummy."

Quina looks at Owen, and shakes his/her head. "Fat boy eat too much. Fat boy is weirdo, too."

…...

Katie and Sadie attended the Blitzball tournament in Luca. They were seated next to Yuna.

"Hey! Shouldn't you, like, be on a pilgrimage?" Katie looks at Yuna accusingly.

"Well… we need to win this tournament… to earn Wakka's… best weapon…"

"I'm just saying, Sin's still out there. You know, destroying Spira?" Sadie interjects.

"Yes… but…no need to worry… I have, become, a Summoner…"

…...

Harold looks angrily at Shanttoto. "What the hell do you mean! I gotta pay fifty bucks, AND a monthly subscription fee, just to save the world!"

He throws his sword and shield to the ground. "Here's a better idea; fuck that shit!"

…...

"I, Vayne Solidor, do hereby promise to bring the Reins of History back in the hands of Man"

The crowd cheers for Vayne. Elsewhere…

"I understand. I shall do as the Occuria ask of me…"

Back in Archades…

Courtney sneaks up on Vayne, taps his shoulders, then kicks him in the crotch when he turns around. Courtney laughs at him, then kicks the Occuria in the face when they come for her. Courtney goes to address the crowd.

"I, your new Queen, do hereby promise to bring the Reins of History back in the hands of Woman!"

…...

Duncan and Snow were beating up some PSYCOM soldiers.

"Alright! We do this together!" Snow pumps his fists. "I summon Shiva!"

"Hey! Snow! Before you summon Shiva, I gotta question. Is it me, or do those two scissor each other?" Duncan smirks.

"What do you mean?" Snow is still holding his crystal.

"When they turn into the bike, it looks like they're scissoring each other." Duncan does the hand motion.

"No… uh… let's summon the sisters, and We'll see." Snow summons Stiria and Nix. "Gestalt mode!"

Snow's jaw drops as the sisters become the motorbike. "Holy crap, it DOES look like they're scissoring each other!"

"Yeah! And they're sisters, too! LESBIAN sisters!" Duncan starts hooting.

"Yeah! That's hot!" Snow bumps fists with Duncan.

…...

Will it continue…?


	42. Chapter 42

Total Humor Island

The Episode after the previous one: Weakest Link… Total Drama Style!

Justin, Geoff, Lindsay and Katie were competing in the best game show on Earth, Weakest Link. The host… Chris McLean.

"Ok, first question." Chris takes out a paper. "Ok, this is an easy one. If it looks like a dog, and sounds like a dog, it's blank. Fill in the blank."

Geoff hit's the buzzer. "Is it a wolf?"

"Wrong. Wolves look like wolves." Chris is amused.

Katie hit's the buzzer. "Is it a dingo?"

"Wrong again. Dingoes look like dingoes." Chris stifles a chuckle.

Lindsay hit's the buzzer. "Is it a wolf?"

"No. Geoff said that already." Chris is no longer amused. "Next question. This one is a bit harder. How many sides does a triangle have?"

Justin hit's the buzzer. "Two sides. A good one and a bad one."

"That does not make sense." Chris frowns.

Lindsay hit's the buzzer. "A triangle has one side. His own."

Chris is flabbergasted. "How does THAT even make sense?"

"Well, you can't have more than one side." Lindsay explains. "You can only choose one."

"Moving on." Chris is annoyed. "Oh, now this one IS tough. What year did the Zhao dynasty begin?"

Geoff hit's the buzzer. "Six o'clock."

Chris just stares at Geoff. He says flatly "What."

"In my house, we eat chow at six o'clock." Geoff explains.

Chris's eye starts to twitch. He gets irritated at the blank faces from the other competitors. "Next. Question. Fill in the blank: Mary had a little blank.'

Lindsay hit's the buzzer. "Radio!"

"Wrong."

Justin hit's the buzzer. "Toy plane!"

"Wrong!"

Katie hit's the buzzer. "Yeast infection?'

Chris tears up the paper with the question. "God damn it! Don't any of you have any brains? Just how did you leave school, anyway?"

Geoff hit's the buzzer. "Through the door."

"Gahhhh! God damn it! I had enough of this! Screw you guys, I'm going home!" Chris flips everyone off. "The weakest link is me!"


	43. Chapter 43

Total Humor Island

Episode 42 (I think): A dog named Boner

Ezekiel brings his dog into the house. Geoff, Duncan and DJ were watching TV at the time.

"Hey Zeke, what's with the pup?" Geoff kneels down to pet the puppy.

"It's my puppy, eh?' Zeke smiles proudly at his dog. "I call him Boner."

Geoff, Duncan, And DJ's jaws drop. The three then start to snicker.

"So, this is your Boner, eh?" Geoff tries to stifle his laughter.

"Yep, my good old Boner." Zeke named him that because he loved to chew on bones.

"He's so tiny." DJ tried hard to contain his chuckles. "You have a tiny little Boner."

"Aw, my Boner may be small, but he's perfectly formed." Zeke smiles proudly at his dog.

"So, this Boner of yours, he see a lot of action?" Duncan smirks.

"Oh, no of course not. I keep my Boner inside the house so he wont get into any trouble."

Geoff snickers some more. "Dude, ya gotta show your Boner to some girls, man!"

"Oh yeah! Girls love a good Boner!" DJ holds his laughter. "They love petting a good Boner, and touching a good Boner."

"Don't forget that girls just LOVE kissing them." Duncan says with very stifled laughter. "Hey! You know who I think just LOVES handling a good Boner? Bridgette."

"Oh yeah! I betcha Bridgette would just go crazy over your Boner, Zeke!" DJ says with held back chuckles.

"Good idea! Hey!, here she comes now!" Zeke exit's the house. Duncan, DJ and Geoff rush to the window to watch the scene unfold.

"Hey Bridge! You wanna pet my Boner?" Pow! The boys laugh as Zeke saunters into the house with a black eye.


	44. Chapter 44

Total Humor Island

Episode 43: Song Parody!

Duncan and Gwen were making out on the porch. Gwen starts nibbling Duncan's ear, causing him to giggle.

"Honey? Tell me, what do you think of my…" Gwen blushes like crazy, as she starts taking her shirt off. Duncan smiles in anticipation.

Suddenly, the lights turn on. Duncan's room mate, Tyler, walks out onto the porch. Duncan gives him the death glare. Tyler turns on the radio, and starts playing 'Monster Mash'.

"Hey Gwen, didn't know you were here. You ok?" Tyler fails to notice Duncan's death glare.

"Uh, hey Tyler." Gwen's blush is highly noticeable. "Duncan…I'll see you tomorrow, ok?"

Duncan's mouth falls to the floor. Tyler looks somewhat concerned.

"Uh, did I interrupt anything?" Tyler turns the radio off. Duncan slams his fist onto the railing. Then, he gives Tyler a killer's smile. Tyler is scared now. Duncan goes inside, and takes out his guitar. He starts playing the guitar, to the tune of 'Rock Lobster' by the B-52's.

_We we're at our porch_

_I was about, to get lucky _

_She was about, to take off he top_

_And then came out, a jock!_

_But he wasn't a jock_

_He was a cock BLOCKER!_

_Na na na na na na, Naa na na na na!_

_Cock Blocker!_

_Nanananananananna Naa, na na na na!_

_Cock Blocker!_

_Cock Blockeeeer!_

_Cock Blockeeeeeer!_

"You son of a bitch." Duncan then smashes Tyler's radio. Then he heads inside.

Tyler, tears in his eyes, says "Jackass."


	45. Chapter 45

Total Humor Island

Episode 45: Power Rangers!

"Dude, we like, walking on the moon!" Astronaut Bob says while jumping around like a moron. "Dude, this is some serious shiz!"

"Bob, come on. We're on a mission." Astronaut Steve is impatient.

"Dude, relax, dude. This is like, college, only, not really." Astronaut Bob trips on a dumpster. A dumpster. On the Moon… "Dude! It's a moon dumpster!"

"My God…this is evidence of Alien life forms! We HAVE to take this back to NASA, on the double!" Steve tries to dislodge the dumpster from its place.

"The hey with that stuff. Let's open it!" Bob opens the dumpster. Suddenly, several lasers started swirling around the two astronauts! The lasers shot towards a hill. Courtney, Lindsay, Beth, Justin and Harold emerged from the smoking crater.

"Ah! After ten thousand years I'm free!" Courtney's voice is oddly screechy. "It's time to conquer EARTH!"

The five teenage deca millennial villains teleport away to Earth, leaving two astronauts in a very confused state.

"Nice going asshole." Steve punches Bob.

Meanwhile, on Earth…

The alarm screams out loud. A tiny robot emerges from the cabinet.

"Ay yi yi yi yi! Zordon, it's an emergency!" The tiny robot flails back and forth.

"Alpha, Courtney's escaped." Zordon's voice is nigh and commanding. "Recruit a team of Power Rangers!"

"Right, Zordon! I shall see if the US Army has any good candidates!"

"No! Not the Army!" Zordon commands.

"Right then, the Air Force!"

"Not any Armed Forces on Earth!" Zordon commands.

"How about some firemen? Cops? Black belts?"

"No, we need…teenagers with attitude!"

Alpha stands there, dumbstruck. "You shitting me."

"No, Alpha."

"Teenagers. The fate of the world, will be trusted, to a bunch of hormonal, emotionally immature, still in SCHOOL teens." Alpha face palms. "Dumb. Very, very dumb."

"Do as I say!"

Alpha presses the buttons, muttering under his breath. "Dumb mother lover…"

Meanwhile…

Geoff, Ezekiel, Heather, DJ and Gwen were all hanging out at Everycity Juice Bar and Youth Center.

"Hey…why are we all hanging out together?" Ezekiel suddenly speaks up. "I mean, none of us like Heather, Gwen's not very social, and I barely know any of you guys!"

Suddenly, the ground starts to shake! Everyone starts panicking. Suddenly, a light envelopes our five…eh… protagonists! They are teleported away to…

"Welcome, Power Rangers, to the Command Center!" Zordon speaks in an all mighty voice. "I shall now assign your ranks and colors. Geoff, you are the Red Ranger, and leader! DJ, you are the Black Ranger, and second in command! Ezekiel, you are the Blue Ranger, and the brains of the team! Gwen, you are the Pink Ranger, which makes you the girl! And Heather, you are the Yellow Ranger!"

DJ, Heather and Gwen are flabbergasted. Finally, Gwen speaks up. "OK, this is so wrong, on so many levels. First off… DJ, the BLACK Ranger? And the Asian girl is Yellow?"

"Heather's Asian?" Geoff is stunned at the news.

"Sure I am, just ask Todd Kauffman." Heather shrugs. "Though I don't know who he is."

"Then why did you just mention him by name?" Ezekiel's query is ignored by everyone.

Meanwhile, at the Moon…

For some unexplained reason, there is now some castle on the moon. For equally inexplicable reasons, the castle has a neon sign that says 'Bandora Palace'.

"Ah! Harold, make me a monster, and I shall send it to the Earth to DESTROY it!" Courtney cackles evilly.

"Oh! Oh, oh! If you, like, make a million of those monsters, you can, like, send them all at once!" Lindsay gets hit in the head by Courtney's wand.

"Shut up, baboon!" Courtney looks at Beth. "Stand up straight, squat!"

"My QUEEN! I shall go to the Earth to LEAD the Putties to VICTORY!" Justin wore golden armor…for some reason.

"I liked Lindsay's idea." Harold grumbled as he made a monster out of clay. He places it in the machine, and with the power of cheap SFX, out comes a monster that mysteriously looks like a guy in a cheap rubber suit. Courtney sends him to Earth…

Suddenly, on an abandoned dock, the EVIL monster starts attacking empty boxes, rusted oil cans, and EMPTY warehouses!

"Ay yi yi yi! That monster yada yada yada the empty warehouse! The fiend! We need empty warehouses for storage! Storage that will help the economy!" Geoff looks on at the carnage, the awful carnage that the monster was doing at that empty warehouse. It was very bad carnage. It was a very bad monster. "That is a very bad monster! He is attacking the empty warehouse! And that is bad! Power Rangers, it's Morphing Time!"

"What are his qualifications to be a leader again?" Ezekiel's question fell on deaf ears. Except for Gwen, who agreed with him.

"Before you go, know this. Your Morphers are imbued with the Power Coins, which hold the powers of the Mighty Dinosaurs." Zordon spoke with all his wisdom.

"Wait a second. Geoff and Ezekiel have a T Rex and a Triceratops. Ok, granted, those are dinosaurs. But Heather's and DJ's are a Smilodon and a Mastodon, respectively. Those are mammals. And my Coin has a Pterodactyl, which was a Pterosaur, not a dinosaur." Gwen's scowl increased by Zordon's annoyed look.

"The Yellow Dino Zord is a Saber Tooth Tiger, NOT a smilodon!" Zordon teleports them away.

The five Rangers arrive at the warehouse, right in front of the monster.

"Ok guys, let's do it!" All five take out their Morphers. "It's Morphing time!"

"Mastodon!…Gwen's right. This is a mammal, not a dinosaur…"

"Pterodactyl… oh joy, I am loving this…NOT."

"Triceratops!…What the heck's a Zyuranger?"

"Saber Tooth Tiger!…Hold on, what's MY role on this team?"

"T Rex!…T Rex! Huh? Ok then, Tyra… tyro…uh… THIS THING!"

The five strike a pose, fully suited up.

"Hey monster, thanks for waiting up for us while we suited up!" Ezekiel waves at the monster.

"Ok, so lets just summon our giant robot, step on that guy, and call it a day!" DJ smiled at this idea.

"No! You can't do that!" Zordon calls them.

"Why not?" DJ is sad now.

"Because it makes sense!" Zordon says with all seriousness.

"Ok then…we kung fu fight!" Geoff gives the command.

(Scene missing. Too good for )

"Wow! What a battle!" Heather smiles, in spite of her battered suit, all the green blood spilled on her, and the fact that the warehouse was completely destroyed.

"Yeah! I mean, that was so awesome!" Geoff pumps his fists to the air. "I doubt there can ever be another battle like it again!"

"Yeah! I mean, that battle was like what would happen if Chuck Norris ever met up with Bruce Lee!" Gwen herself is also smiling.

"Boy, I sure am glad I lived that moment, and not had to read it from some fanfic." Ezekiel winks at you, the reader. "I mean, how can someone live, knowing they missed out on SUCH an awesome fight?"

"Rangers, you have done well today." Zordon smiles proudly. "Now come back, so we can begin licensing our new toy line!"

Meanwhile, back at the moon…

"What the heck happened to Justin?" Beth asks Lindsay, who just shrugs her shoulders. Courtney hits Harold on the head with her wand repeatedly.

"Ahhh! You dunderheads are giving me such a headache!" Courtney goes to her room, to plot for another day.

**What the? Was this…a poorly conceived pilot? A clever, one shot fic? A bad chapter? You be the judge!**


	46. Chapter 46

Total Humor Island

Episode 46: You can't do that on fan fics!

Chef angrily serves Harold and Sadie their hamburgers.

"Can you believe that health inspector?" Chef is fuming. "He has the balls to accuse me of putting three rats and two cockroaches in the burger meat!"

"I can't believe that." Harold says with little to no enthusiasm.

"Like, that is so shocking." Sadie says sarcastically. She looks at her burger with much suspicion.

"Indeed! Everyone knows I ALWAYS put in seven rats and eight cockroaches in the burger meat!" Chef smiles proudly, not noticing Harold and Sadie vomiting on the floor.

Lindsay and Owen were outside her house.

"Ok Owen, if I want to be a good Jehovah's Witness, I'm gonna need a LOT of practice!" Lindsay smiles at Owen. "So, you go inside, and I will knock on the door, ok? And don't forget to be as tough as you can!"

Owen steps inside and closes the door. Lindsay rings the doorbell, and knocks.

Owen opens the door. "Go away!" Then he closes it.

Lindsay, undeterred, knocks again. Owen opens the door again. "Get lost!" Then he closes the door again.

"Omar, you aren't being very nice!" Lindsay knocks again. "Come on, how would you treat a real Jehovah's Witness?"

Owen opens the door. "Go away, I'm a gay Satanist and it's my birthday today!" He then closes the door.

Sierra and Duncan were sitting in the park.

"Have you ever noticed how 100tenmillion doesn't update his fics as often as he used to?" Sierra looks at Duncan.

"I think he's also running out of ideas." Duncan looks at his watch. "I mean, this is his third self deprecating joke he's done. And when you really think about it, I doubt anyone is gonna get the reference in the title of this chapter."

"Yeah, I mean, has anyone even seen that show for the last 25 years?" Sierra puts her arm around Duncan, but he removes it.

"Anyway, shouldn't you be playing Second Life by now?"

"Hey you two!" I scream. "There will be no shameless product placement in my fic, got it!"

"We're sorry." Sierra looks at me with puppy dog eyes.

"Ugh, whatever." I say to them. "Forget it. If you will excuse me, I'm gonna grab a Coca Cola, a bag of Tostitos brand chips, get on my Mercedes Benz, head on down past that McDonalds, grab me a Big Mac and a Mac Rib, swing on by Game Stop, purchase a copy of Alpha Protocol, and fire it up on my Sony Playstation 3!"

"Laaaaa, la la la laaa laaaa, Laaaa, la la la laaa laaa! We had a Great Day, it was a super way!" The show on TV sang.

"Hey Noah." Izzy comes in. "What are you watching?"

"Another mediocre and unremarkable product of unchecked capitalism aimed at an impressionable target audience that has not yet developed the cognitive ability to tell shit apart from good TV."

Izzy looks at the screen. "Actually Noah, that show's called the Fresh Beat Band."

Noah snorts. "Same thing."


	47. Chapter 47

Total Humor Island

Episode 47: Paranormal Activity- with special Guest appearances by Harry Potter, Edward Cullen, and so many more!

12:14 AM: Izzy and Owen are asleep.

12:31 AM: Izzy and Owen are asleep.

12:42 AM: Edward Cullen enters and watches Izzy and Owen sleep.

12:43 AM: Edward is sitting on the foot of the bed, reading his newspaper.

12:45 AM: Edward laughs out loud when he reads the latest 'Garfield' comic strip. Owen and Izzy still sleep.

12:49 AM: Edward's cell rings loudly. His ring tone is 'California Girls' by Katy Perry. Owen and Izzy are still asleep.

12:49:53 AM: Edward picks up his phone. Owen and Izzy still asleep. The following conversation ensues:

Edward: "Hello? Bella?… No, no I'll be home soon… No, I am not in some strangers house AGAIN… No, no that was a one time thing!… Bella, no, don't…don't yell at me!… Come on, Bella I only did that once!… No, I never did that, I told you!…Uh huh… No, no that was never…You know that was a lie!…Bella, for the last time, Leah and I were NOT having sex in that cabin!…I told you, it was hot and we BOTH took our clothes off to cool down!…Ugh, ok, ok. I'm on my way home."

12:51 AM: Edward leaves the room. Izzy and Owen still asleep.

1:13 AM: Blanket on Izzy' side suddenly rises. Izzy gets up, and screams in a panic.

(Next day.)

2:13 AM: Izzy and Owen are asleep. Bathroom door is wide open.

2:15 AM: Harry Potter crashes in through the window unto the room. Owen and Izzy still asleep.

2:16 AM: Harry Potter groans loudly, and gets up. Owen and Izzy still asleep.

2:18 AM: Harry shows symptoms of nausea. Rushes towards bathroom, knocking over many things. Owen and Izzy still sleep.

2:19 AM: Harry Potter violently vomits unto the toilet. His loud vomit noises are heard clearly and unequivocally. Owen and Izzy still sleep.

2:31 AM: A loud flush.

2:33 AM: Harry Potter gets on his broom. He chants a magic spell, cleaning the whole room and repairing the window. He flies off.

2:51 AM: The side table moves three inches to the left. Izzy suddenly wakes up, sees this, and screams out loud.

(Following day)

3:21 AM: Izzy and Owen are asleep.

3:32 AM: Fin, Reef, Lo, Emma, Broseph, Johnny, Nikki, Jude, Caitlin, Wyatt, Jonesy and Jen all enter the room.

3:33 AM: Metallica enters the room. Izzy and Owen still asleep.

3:34 AM: Metallica plays 'Whiskey in the Jar'. Owen and Izzy still asleep.

3;35 AM: Lo and Jen scream their lungs out as Metallica plays their song. Owen and Izzy are still asleep.

3;36 AM: Jude and Reef swing from the side table, knocking the phone over. Owen and Izzy are still asleep.

3:38 AM: The song ends. All twelve teenagers cheer wildly and loudly.

3:45 AM: The band leaves, as do the teens. Owen and Izzy are still asleep.

3:50 AM: The bedroom door moves by itself. Izzy wakes up, and witnesses the door shut itself. She screams. She gets up, and opens the door again.

3:50:35 AM: Caitlin walks in, and the following conversation ensues.

Caitlin: "I saw the whole thing! The door just shut itself like that!"

Izzy: "I know! Some weird stuff been going on in this house lately!"

Happy Halloween everyone!


	48. Chapter 48

Total Humor Island

Episodio Cuarenta y ocho: Izzy, the Pokemon Trainer!

(Music starts. It's the third Japanese Pokemon theme)

_Ok!_

_The time to journey's come_

_Ok!_

_Izzy on her journey now has gone_

_Ok!_

_To catch them all is her goal_

_Ok!_

_She's gonna catch them by the shore!_

_She left home, about two years ago!_

_She left on a journey, to catch the Pokemon_

_Izzy dreams, of being number one!_

_On this great journey she has gone!_

_Ok!_

_She's gonna catch them all_

_Ok!_

_Her dream is not so tall!_

_Ok!_

_She's gonna catch them all!_

_Ok!_

_Her courage will never FAAAAAAAALL!_

_OK!_

As Izzy walked along the Johto Region, she encounters…

"Oh my God! It's a Pokemon!" Izzy marvels at the sparkling figure. "Ooh, a SHINY Pokemon!"

"Pokemon? Who?" Alice Cullen looks around her. "Wait…me? I'm not a Pokemon! I'm Alice! ALICE!"

"Wow, an Alice!" Izzy takes out her Pokeball. "I'm gonna catch it!"

Izzy throws her ball at Alice. "Ouch! That hurt!"

Izzy snaps her fingers. "Couldn't catch it… I know! Totodile, I choose you!"

"I am NOT a Pokemon!" Alice picks up the Totodile, and throws it aside. "And I am NOT fighting!"

"Oh, poo." Izzy kicks the ground. "Wild Alice ran away…"

Izzy walks along route 39. She finally reaches the next town… Jersey Shore.

"I will challenge the Jersey Gym…and earn the Jersey Badge!"

Izzy walks with utmost determination towards the Gym, when she notices something. "Oh my God! Is that a Pokemon?"

"Yo! This is The Situation, yo! And when The Situation shows off his Situation, the situation is gonna get heavy, yo!" The Situation shows off his pectorals.

"Oh…that is not a Pokemon…that's just a situation."


	49. Chapter 49

Total Humor Island

Episode 49: Guy talk

Trent and Cody were taking a whiz.

"Hey Cody, know what's a funny word?" Trent snickers.

"Which one?"

"Vagina." Trent snickers. Cody snickers too.

"That IS funny." Cody chuckles. "Vagina… ha ha ha."

Trent chuckles. "Vagina…hey, know what I REALLY like?"

"What?"

"The vagina." Trent chuckles.

"Oh yeah, I love the vagina too." Cody chuckles

"Nah, man. I heard you hated the vagina."

"Nah, lies. I LOVE the vagina."

"How much do you love it?" Trent smiles deviously.

"Oh, I LOVE it! I can't get enough of the vagina!"

"Oh really? How many you had?"

"Way more than you, I'll bet." Cody smiles proudly.

"Oh, I had a TON of vagina before I got here."

"So did I."

"Pfff, I bet the only vagina you ever had was Ms. Right's." Trent points to his right hand.

"Nah, man. I had so many vagina! Every time I whipped it out, those ladies got hungry for my hot dog!"

"A tiny sausage is what you got."

"Oh? I betcha it's bigger than yours!" Cody points to his own crotch.

"Go ahead, whip it out! I'll show you my own. But be warned, it's as big as my arm!"

"Mine's as big as an elephant's!"

"Whip it out, I dare ya!"

"Here it is!" Cody takes off his pants, and shows Trent his penis.

"Hah! My THUMB is bigger!" Trent takes off his pants. "Check THIS one out!"

"You call that a dick? That's just a tiny little prick!"

"That's not what your MOM told me last night!" Trent says with a grin.

"Hey! Don't you talk about my mom, she's a saint!"

"She's a sinner, if you know what I mean." Trent winks at Cody. "But don't worry. I had her praying to God ALL. NIGHT. LONG."

Cody gives Trent the finger. "See this finger? It's says 'fuck you!' So…fuck you!"

"Rather fuck your mom. She was the best vagina I ever had."

"That's it!" Cody grapples Trent and starts wrestling him to the ground. Neither of them bothered to put their pants back on.

That was when Gwen came out. She sees the two wrestling each other without their pants on. She walks over to them, and they stop. "So…two guys wrestling each other with their dicks in the air. That is so gay."


	50. Chapter 50

Total Humor Island

Episode 50: Oh. My. God. 50 EPISODES! This is the 50th episode Special!

I sit alone, on my table, eating my TV dinner. I hear a knock on my door.

"Who could that be?" I excitedly hurry to open the door. I am not expecting any guests this Thanksgiving…so who could it be? I open the door, and it's…

"Sierra! Alejandro! And a Peruvian band!" This is so exciting!

"Hey tenmillion!" Sierra gives me a hug. "Congrats on 50 episodes!"

"Oh yes, my hermano. This episode, allow us to commemorate you." Alejandro signals the band. They begin playing the tune to 'Carnavalito Huamaqueno', a traditional Peruvian tune. However, they add a faster tempo.

(To the tune of King Africa's 'Huamaqueno Carnavalito'. Sierra and Alejandro sing.)

(Sierra)

_Celebrating fifty episodes!_

_The fiftieth joke in a row!_

_Celebrating fifty episodes!_

_It's the fiftieth joke in a row!_

_On this episode, we're doing a special_

_To commemorate 100tenmilion!_

_Everybody's having a good time_

_Commemorating 100tenmillion!_

_Million!_

_Million, million!_

_(Alejandro)_

_That funny man,_

_Always coming up with jokes!_

_(Sierra)_

_That funny man,_

_Always ready with a joke!_

_(Alejandro)_

_Siempre escribiendo fanfics_

_Para poner el lector a gozar._

"Uhhh, Al…" Sierra looks confused. "I thought we agreed? No Spanish?"

"But Sierra, doesn't 100tenmillion speak Spanish?" Alejandro looks at me quizzically. For the record, yes, I do. Another knock on the door. I open it, and it's…

"Chris! Chef!" My joy is short lived as Chef punches me in the face. About that time, the band stops playing. "Dude! What the heck?"

"So! 50 episodes in, and I've been in, what, two episodes?' Chris is annoyed. "Uh, I'm the STAR of Total Drama!"

"Two? I've only been in ONE! And that one was more of a cameo!"

"Uh…well, ya see guys…" The doorbell saves my ass. "I'll get it!"

I open the door, and it's…. the campers! All 22 of them!"

"Hey tenmillion! Congrats on 50 episodes!" Owen gives me a big hug.

"50 episodes, wow dude." Duncan bumps fists with me. "That's quite a bit."

"So… you want us to finish our presentation?" Sierra says to me.

"Actually, I think these guys have one too." I say to her.

"While I'm here…there's this favor I want to ask you." Sierra watches the campers set up the instruments. "Can you write a fanfic about me? I'd like you to do to me what you did to Heather in 'Children Waiting for the Day.' Just something like that, ok?"

I watch Heather glare at Sierra. I pat her on her shoulder. "I'll…think about it."

She squeals, and hugs me really, really tight. The band is almost ready to play. We've got Noah on the drums, Harold in bass, Geoff on the guitar, Bridgette got the keyboard, with Gwen providing vocals. Noah gives the signal, and the band begins to play.

(To the tune of 'More than a feeling' by Boston.)

_Way back in March of, 2009_

_One hundred ten million, got an idea_

_He turned on his computer, and wrote it all down_

_He called that fic, TOTAL HUMOR ISLAND!_

_(Geoff's solo)_

_It's more than a fanfic! (More than a fanfic)_

_It's a collection of spoofs and parodies (More than a fanfic)_

_I keep on laughing (More than a fanfic)_

_When tenmillion writes a new chapter…_

"Stop! For the love of God stop!" Chris, jackass that he is, forces the campers to stop. "What the hell was that?"

"Well…we've had a lot of problems since day one…" Gwen looks a bit sheepish.

"It sounds like you never rehearsed!" Chef chops down my TV dinner. Damn.

"Yeah, that was our biggest problem." Harold nods sheepishly.

"Well…I got a guitar here…" Geoff smiles suddenly. "Let's rock and roll!"

"Yeah!" Justin takes out his tambourine.

"You provide the vocals, Geoff!" Trent cheers him on.

(To the tune of 'Carry on my Wayward Son' by Kansas)

_Once I rose above the noise and confusion_

_Just to get behind this eyesore illusion!_

_I was soaring ever higher!_

_But I flew too high!_

"Hey! Hey!" Chris stops them. "That is not a parody! That is the real thing!"

"Yeah! And some of the lyrics are wrong, too!" Chef chops down my table. Man…

"Hey, shut up, that song is awesome!" Alejandro intervenes in my name. "Oh, by the way, ten million. Could you write me a fanfic about how I win Total Drama World Tour? Thanks."

"Wait!" The cast of my fanfic, 'Sins of the mother', burst into my home. "He has to update our fic first!"

"But dude, that fic sucks!" Chris interjects. "I mean, who the hell cares about Heather's kid, anyway?"

"But it's a touching story about life, love and forgiveness!" Megan interjects. "And it's also the closest thing to a novel tenmillion has ever written!"

"It IS my dream to write a novel." I speak for the first time in a while.

"Hey! Know what fic needs to be updated?" Tyler has a lecherous grin. "Nymphs."

Bridgette and Heather share weirded out glances. Every other male in the room, except Jefferson, agrees with the idea.

"Come on, dude! It's like this." DJ places his arm around my shoulder. "There's not enough lesbian stories on this site. And you wrote the very, very first Bridgette/Heather story on here!

"Yeah dude! You have a responsibility!" Harold says.

"So… you guys want me to finish my story of love, redemption, hate and sorrow?" I ask.

"Actually, we just want to read about ho Bridgette and Heather have sex on each other." Cody laughs. Bridgette and Heather exchange disgusted looks.

Another knock on the door. The Phoenix bursts into my apartment. I'm going to need a new door, aren't I? "Halt! Ten million, you must not forget, you also have to write original works for fiction press dot com!"

"Update my fic." That was Lawghlin from 'Chapter Black'.

"Fuck off Lawghlin." I am just tired, ok?

"Hey, dude, come on." Chris tries to calm me down. "You have a responsibility!"

"I am just so disappointed." I slump on my shoulders. "This episode just wasn't funny at all."

"Well…" Noah taps his chin. "I know! Hey, tenmillion, next chapter, Cody and I are going to Pandora!"

"You mean…" I gasp. "The setting of James Cameron's 'Avatar'? Dude!"

I get up, and dust off my pants. "Ladies and gentlemen, pardon the suck of this chapter, but please stay tuned for the NEXT chapter! From this point onward, Total Humor Island does jokes, comedy sketches as well as song AND movie parodies! Here's to another fifty episodes!"


	51. Chapter 51

Total Humor Island

Episode 51: 100tenmillion's Avatar parody

My name is Noah, and I am currently on a space voyage to the moon of Pandora. You see, I'm with this company called RGF Enterprises, and they are going to Pandora to obtain a resource not found on Earth: chocolate.

But there is a problem, natives. They are large smurfy cats, with really long hair, and possibly really long parts as well. I do not know. All I know is, when we asked them for the chocolate, they told us to fuck off. We need that chocolate to make our Cocoa Puffs, Earth's most valuable product. Only by harvesting the chocolate, and making the prized puffs can we finally cure that age old disease: being cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

"Well Noah, this is it: Your Avatar." Professor Birch shows me the body of one of those smurfy cats. "Sixty billion dollars has been spent creating this work of beauty, in order to allow you to interact with the Pandora people."

"Question." I raise my hand. "What if we had used that money to clone chocolate instead?"

The way Birch keeps looking around the room, as if trying to avoid answering that question, is actually quite comforting. Wow, we the people of Earth trust dumbasses with the really important stuff. Anyway, I get hooked up with the wires, and somehow, some way, my brain gets transferred to the smurfy cat.

"Ok Noah, you will spend the next 15 months or so learning about the Pandora people. The specific tribe that lives on top of the chocolate is called the Wassamattayu. They are a warrior tribe that like to blah blah blah, yada yada yada, exposition exposition." I nod my head as Birch gives me useless information. "Oh, and you know that long ponytail you got? If ya connect it to the tendrils of all that other stuff on this planet, it's like….I don't know, like when ya put in a USB into a computer or something. Also, it doubles as your genitalia."

So… if this ponytail is my genitalia…what do I have between my legs? I'd rather not think too much about it.

I finally meet up with the Wassamattayu and…HELLO! The chief's daughter's got it going on! HOT DAMN!

Wait a second… I'm human. Why am I finding a blue alien cat girl attractive? One with a tail, cat ears, boobs, hips…oh yeah, that's why.

I spend 15 months training to become one of them, one of the tribe. There were many, many nights I ould miss having a penis, because I have no frickin idea how to masturbate using my ponytalia. Finally, the day I become a Wassamattayu is upon me. After a long, pointless ritual, they put some paint on me and stuff. None of that's important, though.

That night, the chief's daughter, Pocahotass, takes me to this glowing tree.

"Noah, you have grown well into one of us." She seems sad now. "Now, you must choose a wife. Perhaps Blahblah, who has the best singing voice."

"I don't want Blahblah." I say to her.

"Perhaps…Belloculo, the one member of our tribe with the best…tail."

"No, not Belloculo." I hold her in my arms. "I already chose who I want. But first, she must choose me."

"She already has." She kisses me. Alright! I'm getting laid! Using my ponytalia…. Hey! This is just as good as using my penis! In fact, it's better!

I can't help but feel like I forgot something…

Oh….shit. RGF went and blew up the Wassamattayu's tree. Shit…now I remember what it was I was supposed to be doing…

I have to leave Pandora behind, along with my beloved Pocahotass. But… I only left because I had to. I became cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.


	52. Chapter 52

Total Humor Island

Episode 52: An episode of Total Drama… as hosted by Homey the Clown from 'In Living Color'!

**This episode is dedicated to The Ram 94, who introduced me to Homey D Clown.**

"Last time on Total Drama… So some dumbass Canadian kids did some stupid stunts or something, and some of them got hurt or something like that. I don't know, I didn't see that episode, I was serving my eight year sentence at the time. Also, according to this card I got, some skank Asian chick with nice legs did some bitch things, I don't know. I took one good look at that skank, though, and shit man, Homey'd hit that all over the park bitch! So some shit also went down, some other shit went down, and some dumbass kid got sent home packin cuz of the System or some shit. Man, that shit is shit! The name's Homey D Clown, and I'm hosting this show today because of what my parole officer told me to do. So… this is TOTAL. DRAMA. Bullshit!"

(Theme song)

The campers all gather around, waiting for the next challenge.

"So…I hear we're getting a substitute host for the day?" Ezekiel speaks up.

"Yeah, Chris is doing a movie, I hear." Duncan looks at the water. "Man, why didn't they just give us a day off instead?"

"So…who's going to be our host? Chef?" Gwen looks around. That was when she spotted the clown. "What the heck's a clown doing here?"

The clown approaches the campers. "Hello childrens, I am your host for today, cuz Mr. Establishment's gone on and did me in like that. Name's Homey D Clown."

"Hey clown! Do a clown trick!" Geoff is excited.

"So, the white boy wants the black man to denigrate himself, eh?" Homey is ticked.

"Yeah dude!" Geoff is quite oblivious. "Do a funny clown trick!"

Homey looks to be miffed, but comes up with an idea. "Ok, gots a dollah?"

Geoff hands Homey a dollar.

"Now, watch this. I fold it once. I fold it twice." Homey puts the dollar in his pocket. "Now it's gone. Ta-da!"

"Wow! Magic!" Lindsay is the only one clapping.

"Wow! Ain't no way that girl's natural!" Homey is looking at Lindsay's… you and I all know what he's staring at. "How about you and Homey head on over to the back lot and Homey can show you a balloon trick?"

"Hey Homey! She's only seventeen!" Trent is angry at Homey.

"Well White Boy, Winger says she's old enough for me." Homey blows him a raspberry.

"Hey! Show some respect, clown!" Trent shoots Homey a glare.

"Oh, is that how it is, white boy?" Homey gots to bow down to Mighty Whitey?" Homey bops Trent upside the head with a heavy sock. "I don't think so. Homey don't play that."

"Oh, come on Homey. It's not like that at all." Bridgette interjects.

"F'sho it is! The White Man's always trying to keep darkie down! It's a conspiracy!" Homey stamps his clown shoes, which make honk sounds.

"My dad says that conspiracy is a word blacks use to excuse their laziness eh?" That was Ezekiel, putting his foot in his mouth. "And to justify themselves not getting a job."

Everyone looks at Zeke with horror. Homey walks up to Zeke, and bops him upside the head with his sock. "That's for you, dumbass." He bops him again. "And that one's for your dumbass daddy."

"Hey, Clown? Yeah, you're supposed to be doing your job." Heather's being a bitch again. But this time she's right.

"So, Legs here thinks she can boss around Homey, huh?" Homey considers bopping her upside the head. "No, Homey ain't gots to hit a hot girl. Homey don't play that."

"But Homey, uh, sir." DJ is shy. "You really ARE supposed to have us do a challenge!"

"So, my fellow Brother wants to degrade himself for the entertainment of white folks?" Homey bops DJ upside the head. "I don't think so. Homey don't play that"

"Boy, once Chris finds out about this, it's not going to be pretty." Beth said.

"I betcha that's what yo moms said when you was born." Homey laughs. "Nah, Homey ain't going to make no childrens degrade themselves for nobody. Homey don't play that."

All campers cheer. Homey looks at Ezekiel. "Except for you, Ku Klux Clam. You's eliminated."

Ezekiel looks down on the ground, sad. As he walks away, he turns back to Homey, and gives him the finger. "I hope the Republicans win next election!"

"Man, get that racial shit out of my face before I kick yo ass!" That threat was enough to make Ezekiel quiver in fear and wet his pants.

Homey turns to the rest of the campers. "So what did we learn today if nothing else, childrens?"

All the campers speak in unison. "Homey don't play that!"


	53. Chapter 53

Total Humor Island

Episode 53: French Fries

**This episode is dedicated to The Ram 94, who gave me the idea. And yes, this is based on a SNL sketch with Chris Farley (RIP)**

Owen, Harold and Alejandro were at Burger Fool, eating french fries and burgers.

"I just LOVE french fries!" Owen is snacking on a mouthful of fries.

"If you love them so much, why don't you marry them?" Alejandro is being an ass again.

"That is a fantastic idea!" Owen goes over to the egg toy machine, pops in a quarter, and gets a toy ring. He goes back to his seat, and sees Harold eating one of his fries. "Dude!"

"WHAT?" Harold almost pees himself.

"I saw you! Trying to steal my girl away from me!" Owen grabs his fries.

"Dude, those fries are for the 3 of us! In fact, I paid for em!" Harold glares at Owen.

"Yes, Owen. Are we not also allowed fries?" Alejandro gives Owen a look.

"No! My fries are my love and joy!" Owen begins eating the fries again. "I'm gonna marry them!"

"The only thing YOU are gonna marry is your own poo at this rate! You're eating your fiancee!" Harold laughs at Owen.

"My darlings, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Owen falls to the floor, weeping. Duncan walks past this scenario.

"What's with Owen?" Duncan asks.

"He's mourning the death of his fiancee." Alejandro hangs his head in mourning. "French woman."

"Wow, Owen, my condolences." Duncan pats him on the shoulder.

"She was a little...cheap, if ya know what I mean." Harold smirks. "I mean, she didn't have a LOT going for her."

"She could have used more salt." Alejandro smirks.

"Oh, my darling fries..." Owen weeps some more.

**Episode 53 ½: A joke**

Hi, my name is Sierra, and I am here to rant. My rant is about Second Life.

Second Life is a cool, awesome game where I...uh...have...sex? Wait a second, is that ALL there is to Second Life? Is Second Life just a sex site where people have all kinds of sex? I mean, sure I like sex, but dude! There's got to be MORE to Second Life! I mean, I was promised airplanes, boats, and dancing on Second Life! Is sex really all that people use Second Life for? Oh my God, then it's true! The Internet really IS for porn!

(Grab your dick and double click to porn, porn, PORN!)


	54. Chapter 54

Total Humor Island

Episode 54: 8 year old Chris' Letter to Santa

Dear Santa:

What the fuck's your problem? OK, OK, now, let's get something straight here.

On October 14th of this year, I saw what I wanted: A Nintendo Entertainment System with Super Mario Brothers 3. On November 22nd of this year, I sent you a letter specifying the requested gift.

On December 24th, I went to bed, expecting to find one (1) Nintendo Entertainment System with one (1) copy of Super Mario Brothers 3. I went to bed early, as per our agreement. And before you back sass me, allow me to remind you of the lyrics to that song, and I quote 'He knows when you are sleeping. He knows when you're awake.'

On December 25th, I discovered under my tree the following items: one (1) yo-yo, one (1) bottle of bubble liquid, three (3) pairs of underpants and one (1) Simon game. These are NOT the items I requested.

The fuck? Santa, what the fuck happened here?

Don;t even think of bullshitting me about me being naughty. I've been good all year long! I volunteered at the old folks home! I helped cousin Jerd with school! I was even nice to Aunt Cleotilda! You know how ugly and unpleasent that old cow is? She is NOT pleasant!

Santa, you suck! I ever catch you around my neighborhood, I'm gonna shoot your fat ass with my BB gun! And don't even think about hitting my neighbor's house either, cuz I'm gonna keep an eye out for you! Also, don't forget I got friends in high places! I'm so gonna put the Easter Bunny against you! And when I grow up, I'm gonna become super rich, and then, I'm gonna get the Canadian Government to stop sending jets to escort your fat ugly ass around! And when that happens, I'm gonna get the Libyans to fire a rocket at ya from One Pine Mall's parking lot!

Sincerely:

Chris McLean.

P.S.: The promises made in this letter will be forgotten if you promptly send me a Nintendo Entertainment System alongside a copy of Super Mario Brothers 3. This offer expires come New Years.

**MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!**


	55. Chapter 55

Total Humor Island

Episode 55: New Year's Party

All 22 campers gathered around to celebrate the coming New Year. Not only that, they were also joined by Sierra, Alejandro, Kool-Aid Man (How many of you are happy to see him again?) and Me, of course. However, I notice Heather is in tears.

"I know that we are young, and I know that you may love me. But I just can't be with you like this anymore, Alejandro." Heather wipes her tears.

"She's got both hands inside her pocket." I give Alejandro a comforting hand on his shoulder. "And she won't look at you, won't look at you."

Alejandro wipes a tear from his eye. "She hides true love en su bolsillo."

"She's got a halo round her finger, around you." I pat him on the shoulder.

"You know that I love you boy." Courtney heads on over to Alejandro. "Hot like Mexico, rejoice!"

"At this point I got to choose." Alejandro is nervous.

"Nothing to lose!" I encourage him.

At this point, Kool-Aid Man bursts unto the scene. "Oh yeah! The chorus!"

He starts singing:

_Don't Call My name, Don' call my name_

_Alejandro!_

_I'm not your babe, I'm not your babe_

_Fernando!_

_Don't Wanna Kiss, Don't wanna touch_

_Just smoke my cigarrette and hush!_

_Don't call my name, don't call my name_

_Roberto..._

_Alejandro, Alejandro!_

_Ale-Alejandro, Ale-Alejandro!_

"That was weird." Ezekiel states the obvious. Kool-Aid Man returns to his corner.

"Hey Geoff! Tell us one if your jokes, man!" Duncan calls out. I head on over to those guys, because Geoff's jokes are always good.

"Ok, ok! See, this one time, this dude goes out to a costume party. Host asks 'What are ya?' Guys says 'an early ejaculation'." Geoff laughs at this point. "And the host looks at him and asks 'But, why are you only wearing pants?' And the guy responds 'Well, I just came in my pants!' Hahahahahahaha!"

We all howl with laughter! Sierra approaches me.

"Hey TenMillion! Are you excited for Total Drama Reloaded?" She asks me.

"I am, in fact, rather excited, and am hoping it is as good as Island!" I smile.

"Just a question, will the cast of reloaded make an appearance on Total Humor Island?"

"Why, if I like Reloaded, they will INDEED make a debut!" I pat her on the shoulder.

"Wow, TenMillion!" Katie walks up to me. "So, what plans do you have for 2011 concerning Total Humor Island?"

"Like, we're dying to know!" Sadie stands beside her.

"Tons! Why, I already have the next 15 chapters in my head!"

"Cool! Examples?" Katie and Sadie say in unison.

Ladies and Gentlemen, coming in 2011, please look forward to:

_Zombie Movie Parody!_

_Song Parodies!_

_Geoff's dirty jokes!_

_Video Game parodies!_

_More comedy sketches!_

_Valentine's Day Special!_

_And so much more!_

**HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!**


	56. Chapter 56

Total Humor Island

Episode 56: Song Parody! Lady Gaga's 'Bad Romance'! With special guest, Professor Girafales from 'El Chavo del Ocho'!

"OK, thank you Noah, for that fascinating criticism of 'Atlas Shrugged'. Next up..." Professor Girafales checks his list of students with their assigned books. "Courtney, please step on up."

Courtney steps up to the front of the class, holding a copy of 'Twilight'. She clears her throat. "This is my opinion on 'Twilight', by Stephenie Meyer."

The music starts...

_Oh oh OOOOOOOOH_

_oh oh oh OOOOOH_

_oh oh oh_

_Twilight's a bad romance!_

_Oh oh OOOOOOOH_

_oh oh oh OOOOOOH_

_oh oh oh_

_It is a bad romance!_

_Ra ra, ra ra ra!_

_Rama, mama ma!_

_Ra ra, ooh lala!_

_What a bad romance!_

_The writting's ugly, just like a disease!_

_What's wrong with everything, it all makes me freak!_

_The writing SUUUUUUCKS!_

_Sucks! Sucks! Sucks!_

_It really SUUUUUUCKS!_

_I'm getting ready, my legs have been waxed!_

_I'm gonna head on over to Meyer's cool pad!_

_I'll take this book...and Shove it up her ASS!_

_Right up her AAAAASS!_

_You know that I hate this_

_And you know that I loathe this!_

_I hate this book_

_It's called 'Twilight'!_

_The reason why I fucking loathe the series_

_Is because it's just a bad romance!_

_The reason why I detest the series_

_Is because it's just a bad romance!_

_Oh oh OOOOOOOOH_

_oh oh oh OOOOOH_

_oh oh oh_

_Twilight's a bad romance!_

_Oh oh OOOOOOOH_

_oh oh oh OOOOOOH_

_oh oh oh_

_It is a bad romance!_

_Zu zu, la la la!_

_Wa wa, fa fa fa!_

_Moo moo, oh la la!_

_What a bad romance!_

_And to my horror, I've taken a look!_

_They've made a fucking film of the book!_

_The movie SUUUCKED!_

_Sucked! Sucked! Sucked!_

_It really SUUUUCKED!_

(only a 51% on the Tomato Meter!)

_How in the world is this stupid rubbish a hit?_

_Just the main character makes me feel sick!_

_Bella's a BIIIITCH!_

_Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!_

_She's such a BIIIIITCH!_

_You know that I loathe it!_

_And you know that I hate it!_

_I hate this bad!_

_This bad romance!_

_I'd rather eat a roadkill skunk!_

_Than to suffer another page from this!_

_I'd rather have a diarrhea shit in my trunk!_

_Than to read just one more page from this shit!_

_Wa, wa, mama ma!_

_No na, ta ta ta!_

_To la, cha cha cha!_

_It's a bad romance!_

_Walk, walk, away from this book_

_Check it, Mrs. Meyer's crazy_

_Her vampires sparkle_

_That just isn't right, baby!_

_And that Edward, fucking gives me the creeps_

_He's just so awkward, and he watches me sleep!_

_Une ira, une soura, souvre notre existance_

_le tout efacer..._

_Why am I speaking FREEENCH?_

_Why was I speaking FREEENCH?_

_I have never been FREEEEENCH!_

_And This fucking book sucks!_

_No joke it really sucks!_

_I'm getting tired, of bashing this book!_

_I believe I fucking made my point!_

_(Oh oh OOOOOH!)_

_I think I'll go out and give out a look_

_To some other book series!_

_Lala, mamama!_

_Wa wa, it's caca!_

_Chacha, hahaha!_

_Harry Potter's better!_

"Thank you, thank you all." Courtney was bowing to the applause in her mind. In real life, no one was applauding.

"Miss Courtney...you said nothing about what the book was about. OR about any of the characters. OR about why you think this book, quote unquote, 'sucks'. I'm giving you an F." Professor Girafales jots down Courtney's failing grade right next to her name.

"Fuck you, Courtney!" Lindsay gives Courtney the finger. "Twilight is awesome!"


	57. Chapter 57

Total Humor Island

Episode 57: Total Drama in Sesame Street!

_La la lala!_

_La la lala!_

_Elmo's World!_

_La la lala!_

_La la lala!_

_Elmo' World!_

_Elmo loves his goldfish!_

_His crayon too!_

_That's Elmo's World!_

"Hi everybody! I'm Elmo!" Elmo joyously waves at us. "Elmo is thinking about Reality Television!"

Dorothy the goldfish began to imagine what Elmo would do in a Reality Show...

**(Confession Cam- I am so totally ripping off the Kobold Necromancer right now...)**

Elmo: "Elmo knows it's not nice to tattle, but last night, Elmo caught Grover using Oscar's trashcan to hide Big Bird's bag of seeds."

(Elmo leaves. Kool Aid Man bursts through the wall.)

Kool-Aid Man: "Oh yeah!"

**(End Confession.)**

"Elmo wants to know, how he can be part of a Reality show." At that instant, Elmo hears a knock on his door. "Elmo's coming!"

Elmo opens the door. It's Chris McLean!

"Hey Elmo! Chris here, dropping ya the best new reality show this side of Sesame Street!" Chris smiles at Elmo. "Now, ya just gotta sign this slip right here, and I'll set up the camera crew!"

At that instant, Super Grover enters through the window! "Halt, fiend! Drop that contract!"

"Ah! Super Grover! You can't stop me! I got money and connections!" Chris glares at Super Grover, and grabs Elmo. "Ha ha! I'll make a reality star out of this little monster yet! You are too late, Super Grover!"

"No! Elmo don't want to be a Reality star! There's no dignity in that!" Elmo struggles. "Save me, Super Grover! Save Elmo!"

"Hey Elmo, here's my vision! You, plus five other monsters, on the beach in New Jersey! It will be like 'Jersey Shore' meets 'The Muppets'!" Chris laughs maniacally.

"Evil fiend! Take this!" Super Grover takes a doorknob from his Grover Kent disguise, and tosses it at Chris' head. Chris is knocked unconscious.

"Hooray! Elmo is saved from Reality television!"

…...Cookies...

"OK...Delete Browser History? Yes." Noah deletes his browser history.

"Delete Saved Passwords? Ditto." Noah deletes his saved passwords.

"Delete cookies? Sure." Noah is about to delete cookies...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Cookie Monster appears. "No delete cookies!"

Noah, startled, lets go of his mouse. He slowly, ever so slowly, reaches for it...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Cookie monster attempts to bite Noah's hand. "No delete cookies!"

"Uh, dude, they're not real cookies..." Noah gulps. "They are computer cookies. It's a sort of software that..."

Noah stood agape at the sight of Cookie Monster eating his computer. "Ah, computer cookies good! Smart cookies! But it had Trojans..."

Noah sat there, dumbfounded. He recollects himself, takes out his cellphone, and dials the computer company.

…...Counting...

Duncan, Courtney, Heather and Alejandro were sitting in the park. In comes Count von Count.

"Aha! I like to count!" Count laughs. "One big meanie! Two big meanie! Three big meanie! Four big meanie! Bwa ha ha!"

…...Breaking the Fourth Wall...

"Well now." 100TenMillion looks at his computer. "This episode wasn't funny."

"Aw, come on, dude." In comes Cody. "It's hard to make fun of Sesame Street!"

"And besides, there were some funny moments!" Lindsay speaks up.

"Well...I guess it's time for me to thank the sponsors for helping me make this chapter." 100TenMillion sighs despondently.

Tonight's episode of Total Humor Island is brought to you by...

The number 100

The number 10

And the Letter M


	58. Chapter 58

Total Humor Island

Episode 58: Noah Lawman- Attorney at Law, part 1

**This episode is dedicated to Punxysaur, who specifically requested it.**

Katie cries herself silly. "I swear to God I didn't do it!"

Noah gives her a handkerchief. "Tell me again, in your own words, what happened."

Katie wipes her tears away. "Well, a long time ago, me and Sadie were walking down a long and lonesome road. All of a sudden, there shined a shining demon, in the middle of the road."

Noah makes sure Owen is writing everything down. "And what did the demon say?"

Katie starts crying again. "And she said: 'Play the best song in the world! Or I'll eat your souls!' Well me and Sadie, we looked at each other, and we each said, OK."

Noah is perplexed. "Then what?"

"Then we played the first thing that came to our heads, which just so happened to be the best song in the world! It was the best song in the world!"

"Oh my God." Owen nearly drops his notebook. "Then what happened?"

"Then the demon killed Sadie anyway!" Katie begins to bawl. Again...

"Hrmmm...I'm taking the case." Noah looks out the window, a determined look in his face. "Because I am...**NOAH LAWMAN, ATTORNEY AT LAW!"**

The case: Katie Homely, aged 17, is accused of murdering her best friend, one Sadie Lard. Her attorney, Noah Lawman, is in charge of proving her innocence. He must defend her in court against the prosecutor, Godot, alias the Rookie Killer. This is Noah's first case, his grand debut in...**Turnabout Courtroom!**

"All rise." The bailiff stands tall and proud. "All reach into your pockets. All take out money. All buy a raffle ticket from me, they're for charity..."

"That's enough." The Judge slams his gavel. "Defense, what is your opening argument?"

Noah stands up. "She didn't do it."

"Is that it?" The Judge is perplexed.

"Also, she's not crazy." Noah sits down.

"Prosecution? Your opening statement?"

"Ah yes. Katie drank my coffee. Therefore she is guilty." Godot sits down.

"This is gonna suck for me, isn't it?" Katie starts crying again.

"Hold on, I have a few surprise witnesses..." Noah gulps, sweating hard.

"Prosecution, call your first witness." The Judge slams his gavel.

"I call Inspector Gadget to the stand!"

Inspector Gadget walks to the stand.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?" Godot places a Bible in front of Gadget.

"Wowzers, I'm in court!" Gadget gets nervous. "Go go Gadget hanky!"

As Gadget wipes the sweat of his brow, Godot paces. "Gadget, what did you find in the scene of the crime?"

"Wowzers, I found the following items! Go go Gadget Bag!" Gadget produces an array of evidence. "Behold: a bloody knife, a dirty shovel, and a map with an X on it saying 'This is where I will hide he body'! All found in HER car!"

"Objection! How do we know the blood is the victim's? Has a DNA test been administered?" Noah is confident.

"Yes, and we found the blood to belong to a Wookie!" Gadget smiles proudly.

"So...you admit that the blood isn't Sadie's?"

"Of course it isn't! It belonged to a Wookie!" Gadget suddenly realizes the error of his argument. "Uh...Go Go Gadget Copter!"

"What's a Wookie?" Katie whispers unto Noah's ear.

"A big, hairy animal." Noah snickers. "This case is in the bag."

"Well, I do believe we are ready to reach a verdict." The Judge is about to slam his gavel, when...

"Hold it! I have a surprise witness!" Godot smiles slyly. "I call to the stand... Anakin Solo!"

Anakin Solo walks towards the stand. Godot walks up to him, and makes him swear.

"So, mister Solo, you grew up with Wookies, huh?"

"Yes, I have indeed grown up in the presence of Wookies. But I was NOT raised by them." Anakin insists.

"Mister Solo, could you identify a Wookie if he or she was shown to you?"

"Why, yes I could."

Godot produces a picture of Sadie. "Does she look like a Wookie to you?"

Anakin Solo observes the photo, analyzing it. "Yes. She's very pretty for a Wookie, but that's a real Wookie."

"No more questions." Godot smiles, satisfied. He turns to Noah. "Your witness."

"No questions, your honor." Noah starts sweating. "Shit... I'm losing the case here."

Katie starts crying again. "Oh my God, I'm going to jail!"

Noah, though unsure of himself, straightens his tie, and pats her on the shoulder. "Not just yet, Katie. Your honor, I'd like to call... Doctor Conner to the stand!"

Doc Conner takes the stand, and swears by the Bible.

"OK, Doctor, you are an expert on DNA, right?" Noah cocks his eyebrow.

"Yes, I am." Doctor Conner is sweating while holding his stomach.

'So, who's DNA was found on the bloody knife?"

"It was... It belonged to..." Suddenly, Doctor Conner's missing arm grows back. "Oh dear."

That was when Conner turned into the Lizard! He runs off, whilst being chased by Spider Man.

Noah looks on in shock, unsure what to say. "Shit."

"Due to the absurdity of what just happened, I hereby order this case to be taken next week. Until then, all evidence will be re-analyzed." The Judge slams hi gavel. "Oh, and Katie is to be detained until then."

"Oh no!" Katie is dragged away by the bailiff.

Noah grits his teeth, unsure of how to win the case now.

**To be continued... and yes, it WILL be continued on the next chapter.**


	59. Chapter 59

Total Humor Island

Episode 59: Noah Lawman, attorney at law-part 2 ½

"You know..." The judge looks wistfully. "Growing up, I wanted to be a pop star."

"Oh really?" The bailiff asks. "You sing?"

"Yeah! Wanna hear a song?" The judge is excited. He slams his gavel, and begins a song:

(to the tune of _I think we're alone now_ by Tiffany)

_**Let me hear the verdict**_

_**Let me touch the verdict**_

_**Let me feel the verdict**_

_**Cuz I can change the verdict...**_

_**People behave!**_

_**That's what I say inside my courtroom**_

_**And watch how I play!**_

_**I'm gonna send the guilty to jail**_

_**And he's running just as fast as he can!**_

_**Holdin onto my old bailiff's hand!**_

_**Trying to get away into the night!**_

_**And then I take a look, revise the evidence and say!**_

_**I think he's not guilty!**_

_**It doesn't seem to me like he had done it!**_

_**I think he's not guilty!**_

_**The evidence against him just don't add up!**_

"Dude.." The bailiff wipes the tears from his eyes. "You denied the world a shining star by becoming a judge."

"I know..." The judge is melancholic now. "Anyway..let's start the case!"

**Last time... **

**ACCUSED! Katie has been accused of murdering her best friend for life, Sadie! With all the evidence pointing against her, all seems lost! However, her lawyer is Noah Lawman, a man who does not know the meaning of the word surrender! The case is tough, but Noah is giving it his all, for he is... NOAH LAWMAN, ATTORNEY AT LAW!**

"Has the defense prepared a new argument?" The judge slams his gavel.

"Yes, we have, your honor." Noah smirks "I'd like to call to the stand... That doctor over there!"

The doctor takes the stand.

"Now doctor, it's true that Wookie blood was found on the knife, correct?"

"Yes." The doctor is shy.

"But...was it Sadie's?"

The doctor begins to sweat. "The data was...inconclusive."

Noah is shocked. That was NOT the answer he wanted to hear. "Dude! You told me it..."

"I am so SICK of you! You never even bothered to learn my name!" The doctor stomps his feet.

"Sure I know your name! It's... uh..."

"My name is..." The doctor was interrupted by the sudden appearance of a certain demon whose name must never be spoken out loud.

"Ha ha ha! A surprise witness!" Godot smirks. "I call to the stand..."

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Katie screams out. "Don't say it!"

"Don't say what?" Godot is puzzled.

"Don't say his name!" The judge is scared now.

"You mean, don't say..." Godot is interrupted again.

"For the love of cake, don't say his name!" Noah is frightened.

"Candle Jack." Godot smirks.

"You called?" He appears behind Godot holding a rope.

"Oh, shit..." Godot's last words before he is taken away.

"Why did he say his name?" The doctor is sad now.

"Man, that was some sad shenanigans." Noah looks down.

"Yeah, when I do shenanigans, at least I make sure they are funny." Then doctor looks down. "I mean, that Godot guy, that was some sad shenanigans."

"Which makes them not shenanigans, really..."

"I swear to God I'm gonna pistol whip the next guy that says shenanigans!" The judge slams his gavel. "Screw this, I'm ready to make a verdict!"

"What? So soon?" Katie is shocked.

"Yes! I detest arguments that have nothing to do with nothing!" The judge is about to declare his verdict, when...

"It's everyone's favorite, ASAGI!" Video game cameo star Asagi, enters the courtroom! "And look who I brought!"

"Katie!" A pink penguin thing rushes towards Katie.

"That voice... Sadie!" Katie hugs the penguin thing. "How?"

"When sinful people die, their souls are sent to the netherworld, where they become Prinnies!" Asagi points out. "And look who else I brought...the real killer!"

Lilith enters the courtroom. "Yeah. I did it."

"Why?" Noah asks.

"I asked for the best song in the world, and they failed to deliver!"

"We totally DID play the best song in the world!" Katie objects.

"Which song did you play?" The judge is curious.

"We played 'Bohemian Rhapsody'!" Sadie responds.

"That's not the best song in the world!" Lilith argues.

"Then, which is it?" Noah asks. Lilith begins to sing:

_**Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy**_

_**Got my glasses I'm out the door I'm gonna hit this city**_

_**Before I leave brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack**_

_**cuz when I leave for the night I ain't coming back!**_

"Oh my God, stop right there! Ke$ha sucks!" The judge slams his gavel. "I hereby sentence your video game franchise to be canceled!"

"So...what about us?" Katie and Sadie ask.

"Not Guilty!"

"Hooray! I'll be getting my own video game soon!" Asagi is ecstatic. "I'll call it 'Deux est Machina'!"

"But..." Noah looks at the bloody knife.

"He had it coming." Sadie speaks up before the question is asked. Her eyes glow with EEEEEEEVIL...

And that, dear readers, is the reason why there has never been a Darkstalkers 4.

THE END

**(Author's note: The doctor's name is Dr. Sin Nombre)**


	60. Chapter 60

Total Humor Island

Epiosde 60: Relax-o-Vision

(Inspired by Freakazoid)

**Author's note: Due to the high intensity of this chapter, several scenes could not be shown to our more sensitive viewers. Due to this, we offer our latest technology for reading fanfics, the Relax-o-Vision. Whenever a scene gets to intense, we will replace it with one of these (Relax-o-Vision). Enjoy.**

Heather was shaving her legs, her lips quivering in anticipation for (Relax-o-Vision)

She puts on a towel and saunters towards (Relax-o-Vision).

Courtney, trembling with excitement, waited for Heather in (Relax-o-Vision).

Heather, seeing Courtney's (Relax-o-Vision) she prepares to take off her (Relax-o-Vision). Suddenly, the glass pane breaks! Several ninjas break in, wielding Uzis, machine guns and all manner of ninja weapons! Heather reaches for her shotgun and (Relax-o-Vision) she grabs Courtney, and jumps off the (Relax-o-Vision) Heather grabs unto the balcony, clinging to dear life while holding Courtney's barely clothed (Relax-o-Vision)

Suddenly, Kenta Kitsarugi, leader of the ninja, arrives by helicopter, shining its beacon light unto Heather and Courtney!

"Heather my love, you choose this woman over me?" Kenta grabs a gun. "You will die after her!"

Heather lets go of the balcony, a split second before Kenta could shoot her dead. Falling, Courtney (Relax-o-Vision) The boxes soften their landing, but the ninja are relentless! Kenta commands the helicopter to ready the missiles! A volley of missiles is fired at the two lovers, who (Relax-o-Vision).

"Fuck, Kenta, you bastard!" Courtney, amongst the rubble, screams at the heavens. "Is that all you got!"

"Courtney, I'm the one he wants! Save yourself!"

"Never, my love!" Courtney walks over to Heather, taking off her singed underwear. She (Relax-o-Vision) Like a light from the heavens, the armored truck proved a beacon of hope for the two girls! Heather and Courtney get in, they turn on the truck, and race for their lives! Kenta's helicopter rises over the horizon, giving chase to the two lovers! Suddenly, by Kenta's command, several dozen other helicopters appear, giving chase to the truck! They all fire their missiles, then (Relax-o-Vision).

Katana in hand, Heather stares down Kenta, an unconscious Courtney laying behind her. "You're not gonna hurt her."

"No, I will destroy you both." Kenta chuckles. "Shit Heather, you look better than ever. It's a damn shame I'll have to kill you."

"We settle this like Sensei taught us!" Heather rushes towards Kenta. She (Relax-o-Vision)

"Heather?" Courtney finally awakens. Though they are surrounded by debris, destruction and dead bodies, and in spite of the fact that Heather's covered in blood, Courtney couldn't help but find the sight of Heather's eyes to be the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. She grabs Heather's face, leaning her closer for a kiss. Their lips (Relax-o-Vision)

"You bastard!" Joey Wheeler bursts in. "You wasted a fantastic plot! You threw away a ton of awesome ideas, for a joke? But worst of all, you CENSORED A HEATHER-COURTNEY lesbian scene! You! Will! Taste! My! BROOKLYN RAGE!"

"Ahhhhh!" 100TenMillion runs across his house, attempting to get away from Joey's Brooklyn rage. He eventually finds shelter in his closet, where he keeps a video camera ready.

"I'm too scared to close my eyes.." He fearfully says to the camera. "And I'm too scared to open them."

The door bursts open! "Found you!"

Joey Wheeler grabs 100TenMillion by the shirt collar, lifts him up the ground, and launches a (Relax-o-Vision)


	61. Chapter 61

Total Humor Island

Episode 61: Valentine's Day Special

Today's chapter is not mean to be funny. It is not a comedy chapter, and I'd like to apologize for that.

"What the heck? Hey!" Courtney is pissed. "What's the meaning of this?"

"Yeah! The fic is called 'Total Humor Island' not 'Total not funny Island'!" Bridgette is also pissed.

"Come on now! I don't care what you're doing this chapter, you better cancel it and make with the funny!" That was Heather.

"See, I wanna do something unusual for this chapter." I explain. "A Valentine's Day special."

"Oh come on! There's plenty of stuff you can do for Valentine's! Like a Parody of love movies!" Courtney fumes.

"But I want to do something special." I blush. "I have a little something planned."

"Ugh! OK then, fine! Fuck up your fic! See if we care!" Courtney, Bridgette and Heather all leave.

I clear my throat. Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to present you with... something completely different. Ezekiel? Beth? If you'd please?

Ezekiel and Beth walk in. Ladies and gentlemen, with this chapter, I give you...this...

_**(To the slow tune of 'Every time we touch' by Cascada)**_

_**(Beth)**_

_**Your eyes are like sunshine**_

_**that illuminates the sky**_

_**They dry up my tears when I cry**_

_**(Ezekiel)**_

_**Girl, I'm so proud every time I say you are mine**_

_**When I think of you, I feel I can fly- Ay ay ay!**_

_**(both)**_

_**Whenever I'm with you, I get this feeling**_

_**Whenever I see you, I swear I can fly**_

_**How long will we last? **_

_**I don't know**_

_**But I don't want you to go**_

_**I don't want you in my past...**_

_**(Ezekiel)**_

_**Best day of my life was when you became mine**_

_**Thanks to that I walk the line.**_

_**(Beth)**_

_**The good and the bad times, we've been through them all**_

_**You help me rise when I fall!**_

_**(Both)**_

_**Whenever I'm with you, I get this feeling**_

_**Whenever I see you, I swear I can fly**_

_**How long will we last? **_

_**I don't know**_

_**But I don't want you to go**_

_**I don't want you in my past...**_

Suddenly, the music stops! Tyler and Lindsay enter, and start their own song...

_**(To the tune of 'I want to keep on loving you' by REO Speed wagon.)**_

_**(Tyler)**_

_**I should have known by the sound of your voice, baby!**_

_**And that's why I listened!**_

_**(Lindsay)**_

_**I should have known by the gleam in your eye, baby!**_

_**Because that's how I know**_

_**(Both)**_

_**That's how we know**_

_**That this thing's a go!**_

_**A love that was meant to be**_

_**God made you just for me-eeee!**_

_**And I'm gonna keep on loving you!**_

_**Cuz it's the only thing I wanna do!**_

_**I don't wanna sleep, I just wanna keep on loving you!**_

The music stops, yet again. In come Owen with the intention to sing.

"I'd like to dedicate this one to a very special girl." Owen wipes a tear from his eye. "Izzy... Hit it DJ!"

_**(To the tune of 'You were always on my mind' by Elvis Presley. In fact, it IS precisely that song.)**_

_**(Owen)**_

_**Maybe I didn't treat you**_

_**Quite as good as I should have**_

_**And maybe I didn't love you**_

_**Quite as much as I could have**_

_**Little things I should have said. And done!**_

_**Girl I'm so sorry I was bli-ind!**_

_**You were always on my MIIIIND!**_

_**You were always on my...mind...**_

_**Maybe I didn't hold you**_

_**All those cold and lonely nights**_

_**And maybe I didn't tell you**_

"_**Girl I'm so happy that you're mine."**_

_**If I ever made you feel, second best.**_

_**Girl I'm so sorry I was blind**_

_**You were always on my MIIIIND!**_

_**You were always on my mind, yeah on my mind...**_

Oh man Owen, that was deep and soulful! Ladies and gentlemen, there you had it, the Valentine's Day special!

...Yeah, next chapter the funny comes back, I swear...

**Happy Valentine's Day everybody!**


	62. Chapter 62

Total Humor Island

Episode 62: Lumberjack

**(Yes, this is from Monty Python. Enjoy.)**

"Cody, you got a call on eight oh one." The voice in the intercom speaks out, annoying Owen. "Cody call on eight oh one, please?'

Owen types away at his computer, wishing for the day he'd die to arrive sooner. He can't stand it, the absolute boredom of working in the office.

"Noah, call on eight oh two, Noah, eight oh two please?" The voice on the intercom again. Owen stops typing. He gets up.

"Every frigging day, I go to frigging work, to type away at the frigging computer!" He picks up his keyboard and crashes it on his monitor. "FUCK THIS!"

"Owen!" His boss is fuming. "You're fired!"

"That's ok! I never wanted to work here to begin with!" Owen takes off his suit, revealing lumberjack clothing underneath. The Drama Brothers arrive, dressed as Mounties. "I always wanted to be a LUMBERJACK! Cutting down trees in British Columbia, from dawn till dusk! Everyday a song in my heart! A song..."

Katie arrives, and Owen gives her a hug. Music begins...

_**(Owen)**_

_Oh, I'm a Lumberjack and I'm Ok_

_I sleep all night and work all day!_

_**(Drama Brothers)**_

_He's a Lumberjack and he's ok_

_He sleeps all night and works all day!_

_**(Owen)**_

_I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to the lavatory!_

_On Wednesdays I go shopping, and have buttered scones and tea!_

_**(Drama Brothers)**_

_He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch, he goes to the lavatory!_

_On Wednesdays he goes shopping, and have buttered scones and tea!_

_He's a Lumberjack and he's ok_

_He sleeps all night and he works all day!_

_**(Owen)**_

_I cut down trees, I skip and jump, I like to press wild flowers!_

_I put on women's clothing, and hang around in bars!_

_**(Drama Brothers)**_

_He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps, he likes to press wild flowers!_

_He puts on Women's clothing, and hang around in bars? **(They get confused looks now)**_

_He's a Lumberjack and he's ok_

_He sleeps all night and he works all day!_

_**(Owen)**_

_I cut down trees, I wear high heels, suspenders and a bra!_

_I wish I'd been born a girlie, just like my dear papa!_

_**(Drama Brothers)**_

_He cuts down trees, he wears high heels, suspenders and a..._

"What the hell?" Justin is shocked.

"Dude!" Cody flips Owen off.

"Oh! I thought you were so butch!" Katie runs away sreaming, as Owen gets pelted with fruits.


	63. Chapter 63

Total Humor Island

Episode 63: Paradox

"If this statement is true, then it is false." The Philosopher spoke. 'All Philosophers are liars."

"But aren't you a Philosopher?" Noah is bewildered. "Then how can I trust what you say?"

"Precisely. As I am a Philosopher, I speak the truth. And the truth is that all we Philosophers are liars." The Philosopher smirks.

"Then how can we trust what you say?" Courtney's mouth is agape. "How can you be truthful, and call yourself a liar at the same time?"

"Precisely." The Philosopher smiles. "I speak only the truth. And the truth is that I am a liar."

"But how can I know you speak the truth?" Noah ponders. "If you are a liar, then you never speak the truth. But if you say you are a liar, and that happens to be a lie, than it must mean you are an honest man! But if you are telling the truth than it means you really are a liar, thus you never tell the truth!"

"Even if it's not true that all Philosophers are liars..." Courtney thinks hard. "It still means that there is no way for me to ascertain whether he's telling the truth or not!"

"Hi guys!" Lindsay walks up. "How are you?"

"Ugh go away, Lindsay!" Courtney puts her hands on her hips. "We're talking to a Philosopher!"

"Excuse me miss." The Philosopher walks up to Lindsay. "Would you like to hear a paradox?"

"She doesn't even know what a paradox is!" Noah smirks.

"Sure!" Lindsay nods her head enthusiastically.

"I am a Philosopher, and all Philosophers speak the truth. As I always speak the truth, here is a true statement: I am a liar." The Philosopher smirks.

"Well..." Lindsay takes out a piece of paper. "To solve that paradox, we need to use math! The statement is presented as P, and P is equivalent either to 1 if it is true or 0 if it is false! Therefore, we have that P=1, or P=0! Putting the two values together, we get that P+P=1+0, which in turn becomes 2P=1, which when simplified becomes P=1/2! In other words, The value of P is one over two, or half a truth!"

Noah and Courtney are agape. "What."

The Philosopher looks at the two. "She's right."


	64. Chapter 64

Total Humor Island

Eposde 64: Becuz I gut hi... Based on the hit song from Afroman!

(Ezekiel)

I was gonna clean my room, but then I got high

I was gonna get up and find the broom, but then I got high

My room is still a mess, and I know why!

Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high!

(Beth)

I wasn't gonna gamble my car, but then I got high

I was gonna drive it so very far, but then I got high!

Now I'm riding on the old bus, and I know why!

Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high!

(Heather)

I was gonna go to class, but then I got high!

I could have cheated, and I could have passed, but then I got high!

I'm taking it next semester, and I know why!

Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high!

(Courtney)

I was gonna go to work, but I got high!

I just got a new promotion, but I got high!

Now I'm selling dope, and I know why!

Because I got high because I got high, because I got high!

(Trent)

I was gonna dress real sharp, but I got high

I was even gonna wear a tux, but I was high!

Now I'm looking like a drag queen, and I know why!

Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high!

(Harold)

I was gonna make my payments, but then I got high

I was gonna pay for my car, but I was high

Now the towtruck's takin it away, and I know why!

Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high!

(Izzy)

I wasn't gonna run from the cops, but I was high

I was gonna pull right over and stop, but I was high

Now my ass she be in jail, and I know why!

Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high!

(Cody)

I was gonna make love to Pru, but then I got high

I was gonna eat her pussy too, but then I got high...

Now I'm jacking off, and I know why!

Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high!

(100TenMillion)

I'm gonna stop writting this chapter, because I'm high.

I'm writting this whole thing wrong, cuz I'm high...

If I don't even get one review, I'll know why!

Cuz I'm high, cuz I'm high, cuz I'm high!


	65. Chapter 65

Total Humor Island

Episode 65: Green with plot twists, part 1

Heather, DJ, Gwen and Ezekiel where attending Geoff's Martial Arts tournament.

"Since when is Geoff into Martial Arts?" Ezekiel looks puzzled.

"Ever since he became a Power Ranger. Duh!" Heather whispers back.

"Up next...it's Geoff versus newcomer Duncan!" The announcer announces. "Oh my, what are their last names again? God I'm sick of my job...wait, the mic is on? Shit..."

Geoff is wearing a pink martial arts gi, while Dunca wears a green one in an act of obvious foreshadowing. Geoff and Duncan bow to each other, and assume their stances.

"Hey, the guy Geoff's fighting is kinda cute..." Gwen blushes.

"And that, ladies and gentlemen, officially sinks the Trent/Gwen ship." Trent sulks away.

Duncan does a spin kick, which Geoff ducks under. Geoff does a Shoryuken, but because he's not Ken, it isn't on fire or anything, so it looks kinda stupid and less cool. And because I just pulled a reference to Street Fighter, do I get a cookie? I don't? That sucks. Duncan pulls out a Hadouken, but Geoff counters it with a Soul Fist. The two beams collide, and cause such an amazing explosion that nobody notices. Duncan pulls off a double air somersault, but Geoff takes out his Blazefire Saber and proceeds to perform Army of One on Duncan. However, Duncan blocks all 13 hits, and counters the attack with a Proton Cannon, taking out a huge chunk of Geoff's Hit Points. After that, Geoff pulls out the Masamune Blade, but Sephiroth came over and took it back, then he used it to kill Aerith. And everyone rejoiced upon seeing her murder. Duncan patiently awaits for Geoff to finish celebrating, because that is what good martial artists do. So when Geoff unleashed his ultimate attack, the dreaded Genki Dama, Duncan used Yoga Teleport and countered it with a well aimed and well timed Renzokuken: Lionheart. Duncan depletes all of Geoff's life points, this winning the tournament!

Nine tenths of you people have no idea what the hell just happened on that last paragraph. Too bad.

"Ah!" Courtney watches the tournament through her telescope in her moon base. "I have an idea!"

"Oh! Oh! Oh! Are you gonna give 100TenMillion a cookie for making a Street Fighter reference?" Lindsay speaks in my defense.

"No! I..."

"Will you give me a Red Bull?' Justin speaks up.

"No! I...a Red Bull? What the hell for?"

"Well, Red Bull gives you wings!"

"...No..."

"Will you crush the Power Rangers using a new Monster?" Harold speaks with a bored tone.

"Half correct, Harold! I WILL crush the Power Rangers...but NOT with a monster!" Courtney takes out a box. "Instead I'll use...my very own POWER RANGER!"

"Wait, since when do you have that Power Coin?' Beth speaks up. "I mean, if you've had it all along, why didn't you use it before?"

"Because SHUT UP!" Courtney smacks Beth with her Magic Wand.

Back on Earth...

"Hey, what about the other competitors?" DJ is perplexed. "And why was this tournament held in a juice bar and not in an arena or something?"

"Isn't skepticism Ezekiel's schtick?" Heather taps her foot. "Why are you stealing his thunder?"

"Well, if I didn't speak now, I wouldn't have any other lines this chapter otherwise!"

"And that's terrible!" Ezekiel quips.

"Hey asshole, that isn't what quip means!" Heather breaks the fourth wall. "Ugh! I'm sick of this filler! Hey, focus on Geoff!"

"Well, that was a fun tournament." Geoff wipes his sweat away. "That Duncan was a good fighter!"

"You would have won, if Sephiroth wasn't such a dick!" Ezekiel flips off Sephiroth.

"Home Schooled redneck!" Sephiroth screams.

"Momma's boy!" Ezekiel yells back.

Duncan walks over to Geoff, and shakes his hand. "Good match, man. Good match."

"Thanks dude." Geoff pats Duncan on the back.

"Well, I'm off on my own. So, if I'm attacked by some ugly space witch or something, I'm sure the Power Rangers will most likely be there to watch as I kick some ass." Duncan leaves.

"Ugh, what an arrogant prick." Heather begins filing her nails.

"He's SO hot!" Gwen swoons.

"Aw shit, now Gwen's way out of character." DJ shakes his head.

"Hey! You had more lines! Good job!" Ezekiel pats DJ on the shoulder.

"Yeah, the one with the least lines this chapter's turned out to be Gwen!" Geoff chuckles.

Meanwhile...

Duncan was walking down a dark, dirty and lonely alleyway all on his own. Yeah, this guy's a genius (sarcasm hand is raised) Suddenly, Putties attack!

One cool, super awesome and totally sick fight scene later...

'Wow! What a fight scene!" Duncan wipes the sweat off his brow, panting heavily while smiling. "I mean, I heard we blew the season's budget on it, but WOW!"

Suddenly, a mighty wind surrounds Duncan.

"Oh no! I can't move because I am surrounded by a mighty wind!" Well, that was certainly expository of Duncan.

"Duncan! Because of your fighting prowess during that super awesome fight scene, I HAVE CHOSEN YOU!" Courtney laughs like a maniac.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Duncan lets out a big no as the mighty wind takes him away to the moon... Wow, that sounded trippy.

At the moonbase...

"Here you go!" Courtney uses her magic wand's evil powers to turn Duncan into...

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

(Dramatic, ain't I?)

…

…

…

…

…

…

THE GREEN RANGER!

"How may I serve my queen?" Evil Duncan steps out of the shadows.

"Oh wow! This is gonna increase our show's ratings!" Lindsay claps her hands.

"And our toy sales!" Beth squeals.

"We will CRUSH the Rangers!" Justin pumps his fist in victory.

"Five bucks says Courtney's gonna fuck this up..." Harold sighs.

Hey wait a minute! Why didn't Zordon do anything to stop this?

"Well, Duncan said if an ugly space witch attacked him, the Power Rangers would watch him kick some ass." Zordon chuckles. "But since Courtney is a HOT space witch, I decided to let the little fucker get his ass dipped in the dark side."

"You suck." Alpha flips Zordon off.

TO BE CONTINUED!


	66. Chapter 66

Total Humor Island

Episode 66: Green with apoplexy, part 2

What the hell does apoplexy even mean, anyway? Oh well...

"Ay yi yi yi yi! Rangers, it's an emergency!" Alpha's voice echoes through the communicator. The Rangers teleport to the Command Center.

"What up, bitches?" Geoff waves his hat in the air like he just don't care.

"OK OK, enough plagiarism." Zordon rolls his eyes. "Rangers! We have a problem!"

"Oh no! Is it another monster?" Ezekiel and Geoff are the only ones concerned.

"No, WORSE!" Zordon gulps. "Courtney has unleashed a terror unto this world!"

"On no!" Ezekiel gulps.

"Yes! Behold the viewing globe!" The Rangers behold the viewing globe. "It's...a new Disney Chanel sitcom!"

"What's it called... 'Shake it up'? It doesn't..." Gwen stopped talking as soon as she hears the theme song. "OH MY GOD IT'S AWFUL MAKE IT STOP!"

""Was that Selena Gomez?" Gwen hyperventilates. "They couldn't be happy just sticking her in that Charmed ripoff! No! They had to make her sing ANOTHER godawful piece of shit!"

"Yes! I know right?" Heather averts her gaze.

"Man! Those girls are wearing WAY too much makeup! They look...oh my God, they're only 13? What the fu..." DJ almost faints.

"Zordon you jackass! What about the Green Ranger?" Alpha interrupts.

"Huh? Are we getting a new Ranger?" Geoff is exited.

"Hey! Hey hey hey! If we're getting a new Ranger, remember that I'M the one who starts out the Morph!" DJ is pissed. "I mean it! If I get my spot stolen, I'm gonna be pissed!"

"No, thing is, Courtney made a new Green Ranger or some shit, so now you have to stop him." Zordon rolls his eyes. "Like I care! Toy sales, here we come!"

"Oh my God! Who could this Green Ranger be? I mean, he could be ANYBODY!" Heather gasps.

"Well I know ONE person who could NEVER be the Green Ranger!" Gwen sighs. "Duncan..."

"Oh my God! Duncan's making Gwen act out of character!" Ezekiel is the only one who cares.

"Well guys." Geoff excitedly takes out his Morpher. "It's Morphing time!"

"Mastodon!" DJ looks angry. "I mean it, I'm gonna be pissed if I lose this spot!"

"Pterodactyl!" DJ knocks Gwen over.

"I fucking mean it bitches!"

"Triceratops!" DJ knocks Ezekiel over.

"I'd better not lose this spot for YOUR sakes!"

"Sabre tooth.." DJ knocks Heather out of the way.

"Punk motherfuckers RESPECT MAH POSITION!"

Geoff eyes his surroundings, expecting DJ to knock him over. Nothing happens. "Tyrannosaurus!"

The five Power Rangers arrive at the scene!

"OK guys! We gonna beat this guy with TEAMWORK! Cuz that's the moral of our show!" Geoff is excited.

"Ha ha ha ha ha! You pathetic Power Rangers are no match against me!" The Green Ranger does a pose.

"Well, we have a secret weapon..." DJ snickers. "Try out this Japanese footage!"

"Itadakimasu! Watashi no keita ga, toire ni oshita!" The small squirrel jumps up and down. "Domo arigato, I am very arigatoful for you!"

"Shinkansen wa hayai!" The bullet train speeds through, hitting the Green Ranger dead on. "Beeruwa oishi desu!"

'Enough with this gratuitous Japanese!" The Green Ranger gets up. "Take some of this...ABC KIDS PROMO!"

"Today on ABC Kids...more reruns of Zack and Cody!" The announcer's announcement makes the Rangers throw sparks and hit the ground.

"No...ABC Kids...why?" Geoff lays on the ground. "You used to entertain me...but back then you were called One Saturday Morning and you DIDN'T SUCK!"

"I can't believe it...we couldn't beat Zack and Cody reruns..." Ezekiel starts to cry.

Back at the Command Center...

"Uh Oh..." Zordon is at a loss for words. "Well, at least we're safe. No one can enter here without a Power Coin..."

That was when the Green Ranger appeared. Zordon is incredulous. "Fuck! How the fuck you enter here?"

"I got a Power Coin..." Duncan quips.

"God damn it all..." Alpha sighs. "So...whatcha gonna do...?"

"Welp, BEHOLD THE VIEWING GLOBE!" Duncan cackles.

"What...oh no..." Zordon and Alpha look frightened. "No... NO!"

"Yes! Behold the horror that is...iCarly!" Duncan laughs like a maniac.

(One scene of destruction later...)

"Wow...that was actually pretty cool..." Courtney looks shocked at Duncan's effectiveness. "I think I'm in love..."

"I am just amazed, shocked and pissed off all at once." Justin tightens his fist. "It's great. It;s amazing, really."

"I still say Courtney's gonna find a way to fuck this up..." Harold munches on popcorn.

"Cameo!" Beth and Lindsay scream in unison.

**Tune in next week for part 3!**


	67. Chapter 67

Total Humor Island

Episode 67: Green with Mexico, part 3

Mexico is muy bien! They tacos and burritos, and one of their states is called Tabasco!

We now return to the 'Power Rangers' on Telemundo...

Izzy arrives at the Moon Palace. She is wearing a scorpion themed armor. "Hola! Soy Izzy!"

"Izzy ha returned! Ella ha returned a la cantina del bad guy!" Justin hugs Izzy.

"Izzy, where have you estado?" Courtney taps her foot.

"Ah, I was at las playas de Tabasco!"

"Ha sido mas de one thousand years desde que we last saw you!"

Izzy eats Beth's cookie. "Este es mi brain on cookies!"

"No importa, we will...cambien el canal!" Courtney takes out her TV remote.

And now, back to Power Rangers, on Nickelodeon.

"Ah, that's better." Courtney puts the TV remote away. "That Spanglish gag was getting tiresome."

"Since when does Telemundo broadcast in Spanglish?" Harold lets out a yawn.

"OK, since Izzy's here, we can all team up and crush the Power Rangers!" Beth squeals. "We're gonna win!"

"Oh boy! I'll finally get to do something useful this season!" Lindsay squeals as well.

Meanwhile...

"Oh shit dude!" Geoff looks on at the ruins of the Command Center. "What the eff happened to Zordon?"

"iCarly happened, that's what!" Alpha kicks a blender. Who the heck put that blender in there? I blame Flynn.

"Wait, don't you mean 'Zack and Cody' happened?" Heather chuckles nervously. She notices a certain sponge is watching her with an evil eye.

"No, it was iCarly. It did this..."

"Nooo, I'm pretty sure it was 'Zack and Cody'." Heather subtly points to the sponge that was watching them. "After all, the good people on Nickelodeon would NEVER betray us!"

"Man FUCK Nickelodeon! There's nothing on that fricking channel that isn't that retarded Spongebob..."

(Technical difficulties. Please stand by...)

"Nickelodeon is awesome. I love it. I always watch Nickelodeon." Noah speaks in a deadpan voice. "Nickelodeon is better than Disney and Cartoon Network combined."

"Ay Dios God! A Alpha lo replaced with Noah!" Ezekiel yells out.

"Ezekiel, we stopped that Spanglish gag a page ago." Gwen smacks him upside the head.

The alarm goes off!

"OK, so you guys take care of that shit while...I guess I'll fix Zordon or something." Noah breathes in, and musters all the enthusiasm he can, which is very little. "Go team, go..."

"It's Morphing time!" Geoff yells out with enthusiasm.

"Mastodon!" DJ sighs. "This is the only line I'll have all chapter long."

"Pterodactyl!" Gwen sighs. "Yay...not."

"Triceratops!" Ezekiel sighs. "I liked the Spanglish gag."

"Sabre tooth tiger!" Heather sighs. "This chapter is beyond rushed and incomprehensible."

"Tyrannosaurus!" Geoff sighs. "I have nothing to complain about..."

Power Rangers!

"OK, five of us, five of them! Looks like it's gonna be a good old fashioned showdown!" The Green Ranger readies his weapon, with Justin and Izzy at his side.

"Look! Shopping!" Lindsay drags Beth away from the fight.

"Well, they were useless anyway." Justin shrugs his shoulders. He and Izzy ready their weapons.

"Oh FUCK no! Geoff, we better summon the giant robot!" Gwen slaps Geoff upside the head. "There's no way we can beat these guys without our robot! They have Zack and Cody as part of their arsenal!"

One giant robot later...

"Let's crush the Green...oh shit those other two have turned giant too!" Geoff panicks.

Izzy and Justin double team to take down the Megazord! Justin kicks while Izzy punches. Izzy kicks while Justin punches. Izzy and Justin punch. Izzy and Justin kick.

(Harrowing fight scene, this is not.)

"Hey! What happened to the Green Ranger?" Heather speaks up. "He's missing!"

"Oh yeah!" Kool-Aid Man bursts into the Megazord's cockpit.

"Hey what the fuck, Kool-Aid Man! You can't come in here!" Gwen is furious. "And why did you burst through the wall? There was a DOOR!"

"Which I'm using to enter the Megazord!" The Green Ranger enters the Megazord! Then he kicks their asses, throws them off the Megazord, and Justin and Izzy throw the Zords into a volcano.

"Oh no!" Geoff falls in despair. "We've lost our Zords!"

"And I haven't seen Duncan since chapter 65!" Gwen falls in despair.

"And Gwen's still out of character!" Ezekiel falls in despair.

"I've betrayed the Rangers!" Kool-Aid Man falls in despair.

"And DJ's only had one line all chapter long!" Heather falls in despair.

"You're all nuts." DJ does not fall in despair.


	68. Chapter 68

Total Humor Island

Episode 68: Green with not taking continuity seriously and just doing whatever the heck I feel like doing.

**Attention: The fourth part of the Green Ranger parody... will NOT be seen on this chapter! Hahahahah! Please enjoy this...**

I am Luminarius, a figment of 100TenMillion. OK, as a way of explaining this, we are all made by 'figments' that represent a certain aspect of us. 100TenMillion and I are both 'figments' of the author. Oh, wait! Alter egos! 100TenMillion and I are alter egos of the author! Yes, yes that is better.

As an alter ego of 100TenMillion, I am here to fill in for him while he recovers from his existentialist depression. See, he and I are going through a hard time in our lives, so what we are trying to do is cope and hope it all comes out OK in the end.

See, the other day, we started thinking. What the hell is the point to any of this? Why bother writing fan fics, if they are just gonna go ignored? Why write up a 2100 word chapter, with all the love and dedication, if only less than 50 people are gonna read it, and only ONE of those people is gonna leave a review, if we are lucky? Why bother with anything?

Why should we bother, really?

But don't worry. Total Humor Island is gonna continue. A new chapter every week, we promise you that. At least we will TRY to update weekly.

But enough about this. You didn't come here to hear us whine. You came here to laugh. Lucky you, we happen to have a short joke for you guys. Even in our lowest, we do not give up on our audience! Enjoy...

…...

Lindsay has a pet beaver, and she calls it Beaver. Tyler had a pet rooster, and he called it Cock. But sadly, Tyler's Cock is dead now. Cock suffered a heart attack, sadly.

Tyler had ordered a funeral for poor Cock, in which all 22 campers attended. Lindsay walked towards Cock's casket, bringing Beaver with her. Upon seeing the stiff Cock, Lindsay began to cry, so she dried her eyes using Beaver's fur. Beaver is a little damp now.

It was Lindsay's turn to deliver a eulogy. She steps up to the podium, sees the stiff Cock on his casket, and starts crying again. Again, she dries her tears using Beaver's fur. Beaver is wet now.

As the casket was lowered into the ground, Lindsay kept her tears in check. Suddenly, the rope broke, and the casket fell. As it landed on the ground, the casket opened up, revealing Cock inside. This caused Lindsay to lose it, and she cried harder than before. Again, she dried her eyes using Beaver.

The lesson: When she sees a stiff Cock, Lindsay's Beaver gets wet.


	69. Chapter 69

Total Humor Island

Episode 69: Green with Conclusions

Justin is looking at pictures on the Internet. "Dude, Bella Thorne is kinda hot."

Harold, upon hearing those words, pops his head out of his laboratory. "Dude, she's kinda thirteen."

Horrified, Justin inmediatly turns off his computer. "B-b-but she looks so much older!"

"I know, it's all that makeup." Harold scoffs. "But look at this picture of her."

"Oh, oh yeah she looks way younger there."

"Hey you two! Come on, we have to celebrate the destruction of the Power Rangers!" Courtney cackles. "Without their Zords, they are useless!"

"But Courtney, they got them back!" Harold protests. "Remember?"

"When the hell did that happen?" Courtney is shocked.

"Last episode." Justin suddenly realizes. "Oh yeah, you weren't here last chapter. We had to use Sadie as a replacement."

"Wait, last episode was 100TenMillion's wangst fest!" Jesus, Courtney is one hell of a bitch.

"Yeah, but there was still a chapter 4 of the Green Ranger Saga parody." Justin states matter of factly. "You just weren't here. By the way, Sadie left you this."

Justin takes out the Sword of Darkness. "See, she told us that this sword can power up the Green Ranger if he wields it, but..."

Courtney snatches the Sword of Darkness. "Oh Duncan! Come over here, I have a new toy for you!"

Harold smirks while Justin has a look of horror in his face. "Fuck. She doesn't know that if the Sword gets destroyed, the spell on Duncan gets broken."

"Welp, I said she was gonna fuck this up, and I was right." Harold bursts out laughing. "Oh the irony. Sadie was a hell of a lot more competent."

Meanwhile...

"So, what now?" Ezekiel is sweating. "How can we beat Duncan?"

"Wait, why would we need to beat Duncan?" Gwen is shocked. "He's such a hunk!"

"Duh! Cuz he's the evil Green Ranger, you weird goth girl!" Heather smacks Gwen upside the head.

"Wait! When the hell did we find this out?"

"Last episode." Suddenly, DJ realizes. "Oh yeah, you weren't here."

"So...who was my substitute? Katie?"

"No, that guy." Ezekiel points to Boi.

"Watashi no keita ga toire ni oshita." Boi slumps away, never to be seen again. His cellphone is dripping wet.

"Well now...so...uh...what's the plan?" Gwen watches Boi leave.

"I don't really know." Geoff scratches his head.

The alarm goes off!

"The Green Ranger! It's Morphing time!"

DJ: "Black Power mother fucker!"

Gwen: "Ugh...Pink..."

Ezekiel: "Triceratops! Or...didn't they change the name of this species of dinosaur recently?"

Heather: "What the hell is my position on this team again? Seriously, like, what the hell?"

Geoff: "Tyrannoaurus!"

The Power Rangers summon their Megazord.

"Not bad, but not good enough!" Duncan as the Green Ranger plays his dagger flute to summon his Dragon Zord!

"Wait, how the hell can he do that if his mouth is covered by a helmet?" Ezekiel's questioning goes unanswered.

That's right, isn't that weird? And then people bitch about a Bat Credit Card.

"A Bat Credit Card? I'll kill you! I'll kill all of you!" Some goofball in a suit starts shooting at random, and it just so happens that one of the bullets hits the Green Ranger.

"OK, time for an epic duel!" Geoff jumps down from the Megazord and fights Duncan one on one!

Meanwhile...

"OK ladies, break out the champagne! Today is the day we mark our victory!" Courtney raises her staff joyously.

"Oh! By the way, I can't find the Sword of Drakness." Lindsay speaks up. "I'm supposed to wax it with this Green Wax right here."

"What for?" Courtney raises an eyebrow.

"That Green Wax is gathering the Green Ranger's power as we speak, thanks to the Sword of Darkness. So long as the Sword is covered in this wax, it's unbreakable." Izzy explains. "Sadie told us last episode to wax the Sword before giving it to Duncan. By the way, where is he?"

"Oh, fighting the Power Rangers using the Sword of Darkness." Justin peers through the telescope.

"Uh oh. If the Sword is destroyed, the spell you put on Duncan will be broken." Beth informs Courtney.

"Oh...who the hell designed the Sword like that!" Corutney is sweating profusely.

"The Sword was not meant to be used until it was fully waxed!" Lindsay breaks into tears. Harold bursts out laughing.

"And...the Sword just got destroyed." Justin sighs. "Kinda anti-climactically too. I mean, Geoff just shot a frickin laser beam at it."

Courtney's eyes bug out. "Wow...I fucked up big time..."

"No shit." Harold bursts out laughing.

Back on Earth...

"What have I done?" Duncan is dazed and saddened.

"What you did, Duncan, you did under Courtney's influence." Geoff picks up Duncan. "You own the power now! Fight by our side and we can defeat Courtney!"

"After everything that's happened?" Duncan is shocked.

"Duncan we need you!" Geoff gives a reassuring pat on the back to Duncan, as Ezekiel, DJ, Heather and Gwen surround them."It's where you belong!"

Duncan looks around him, and sees everyone's reassuring smiles.

"Will you join us, Duncan?" Geoff offers his hand in friendship. Duncan smiles, and gratefully shakes hands with his new friend and team mate.

Back at the Command Center...

"Oh, look Zordon!" Alpha is amazed.

"You are watching History in the making, Alpha! Finally the Prophecy has been fulfilled. The Sixth Ranger is one of us!"

"Hooray!" Alpha jumps for joy.

**(A/N: Yes, save for some name changes, that is exactly how it's played out in the show. I couldn't do it. I couldn't make fun of that scene. It was too awesome to parody.)**

"OK guy, it's Morphing time!" Geoff calls out.

"Dragonzord!" Duncan smirks. "Five bucks say I'll be the reason why this show gets five more seasons!"

DJ is seething with rage.

"Pterodactyl!" Gwen gushes. "I know! I'm so happy to have him on our team!"

"Triceratops!" Ezekiel gasps in horror. "Oh no, Gwen's still out of character!"

"Sabre tooth tiger!" Heather scoffs. "If I don't get paid more, I'm so quitting the show!"

"Tyrannosaurus!" Geoff smiles proudly. "Let's do this!"

"We're ready to morph into action!" Geoff does a pose.

"Six working together to fight evil!" Duncan does a pose.

DJ is seething with rage.

"And all of Courtney's menacing monsters!" Ezekiel does a pose.

"From destroying our planet Earth!" Heather does a pose.

"And ruin the Universe with evil!" Gwen does a pose.

"Look out Courtney, cuz we're the...POWER RANGERS!" Everyone, save DJ, screams in unison.

DJ rushes towards Duncan and punches his lights out. "Mother fucker!"

Back on the moon...

Courtney was catatonic.

"Well...now what?" Beth shrugs her shoulders.

"Well, we have this maguc green wax..." Lindsay gets an idea. "Let's go make a candle!"

**THE END!**


	70. Chapter 70

Total Humor Island

Episode 70: Guy Talk

Cody and Trent are taking a whizz in the boy's bathroom.

"Hey Trent, ya ever notice that whenever Lindsay sit down her boobs kind of jiggle a bit?" Cody chuckles a bit.

"You bet I did." Trent chuckles a bit as well. "You know what that means."

"No, what?"

"All natural." Cody and Trent high five each other.

"It's awesome, because that means her boobs are soft to the touch." Cody makes a grabbing motion with his hands.

"Hells yeah. They really are." Trent smirks.

"Dude! Ya touched them? High five!" Cody and Trent share a high five.

"Hey, who would you rather do, Courtney or Heather?" Trent chuckles.

"Hrmm, tough choice. See, Heather's got legs, but Courtney has one hell of a sweet ass." Cody gets aroused.

"Dude, come on! Hide that thing!" Trent covers his eyes. "Anyway, I'd do Heather."

"Why?"

"See, she has long hair, right? And she can put that hair into a pair of pigtails. That way, when she sucks my cock, I can grab her pigtails and pretend they're handlebars from a motorcicle and go 'VROOOOOOOOM VROOOOOM!" Trent chuckles. "Same for doing her in the ass, ya know?"

"Well, I respectfully disagree. I think Courtney would be a better shag. See, that girl just loves mouthing off, right? So what could be sweeter than getting her to shut up by sticking my cock in her mouth?" Cody and Trent burst out laughing.

"But really, really. You know who I think is the single best shag in the whole camp?" Trent chuckles.

"Bridgette." They both say in unison.

"You know that chick is one hell of a slut. Behind that sweet natured vegetarian and animal lover lies a girl who loves the cock, loves it." Trent chuckles.

"Hells yeah. You can tell by the look in her eyes, man, she just wants a cock to suck." Cody chuckles. Then he stops, and gasps in horror.

"Yeah man, she looks like the kind of girl who loves it up her ass, you know? Unlike Heather, she's the kinda girl who'd prefer that you spooge all over her face, or Courtney, who actually NEEDS to get fucked up the ass, you know? Hehehe, what's wrong, Codester?"

"E-hem." Trent's eyes bulge out in terror, as he slowly turns his head around to see Bridgette, Heather, and Courtney all glaring at him and Cody. Guess what happens next. Go on, guess.

The Lesson: When the topic is girls ya want to have sex with, make sure you don't belittle them. Also, whenever you'e having a guy talk, make sure you don't get an erection.


	71. Chapter 71

Total Humor Island

Episode 71: We arrr who we arrr

LeShawna, Eva, Katie and Sadie are pirates who are on their way to Port Royal.

"Nothing is better than being a pirate! Arrr!" Sadie speaks up while walking up to the cannon.

"Arrr! I'm in the mood for a song!" LeShawna pets her parrot.

(Music starts. It's "We R who we R by Ke$ha")

_Hot and Dangerous!_

_If you're one of us then roll with us!_

_Cuz we make the sailors fall overboard_

_When we put our sabers in acord!_

_And yes, of course we does_

_We running this port just like a club_

_And no you don't wanna mess with us_

_The king's on our hit list, list!_

(Eva sings this portion)

_Got my eyepatch on my eye_

_With my hook rip off their ties!_

_Looking sick and super fly!_

_So let's go-o-o_

_Let's Go!_

(The four girls sing this part)

_Tonight we're going hard-ard-ard-ha-ha-ha-hard_

_Just like the world is ours-ou-ou-ou-ours_

_We tearing it apart-pa-pa-pa-pap-part!_

_You know we super starts_

_We arrr who we arrr!_

_We plunder like we want-wa-wa-wa-wan-want_

_Their bodies going numb-umb-num-num-num-numb!_

_We be forever young-yo-yo-yo-yo-young!_

_We know we super stars_

_We arrr who we arrr!_

(LeShawna sings this verse)

_Cap-tain turn it up!_

_It's about damn time we fire it up!_

_I'm sick of these old serious_

_They making my brain delirious!_

_I'm just talking true_

_I'm telling you about this shit we do!_

_We plundering towns, sinking ships, stabbing on kings!_

_Hard_

(Sung by Katie and Sadie)

_Got our cannons by portside!_

_Our parrots flying up so high!_

_Got the powder dry and fly!_

_So let's go-o-o_

_Let's go!_

(The four girls sing this part)

_Tonight we're going hard-ard-ard-ha-ha-ha-hard_

_Just like the world is ours-ou-ou-ou-ours_

_We tearing it apart-pa-pa-pa-pap-part!_

_You know we super starts_

_We arrr who we arrr!_

_We plunder like we want-wa-wa-wa-wan-want_

_Their bodies going numb-umb-num-num-num-numb!_

_We be forever young-yo-yo-yo-yo-young!_

_We know we super stars_

_We arrr who we arrr!_

Sierra throws her popcorn towards the movie screen.

"This movie sucks!" She gets up from her seat. "I should have gone to see Kung Fu Panda 2!"


	72. Chapter 72

Total Humor Island

Episode 72: The men of the house.

**Special thanks must got to The Ram 94 who provided me with many of these jokes. Thanks bud, I really needed the inspiration.**

Ezekiel and Bridgette were married, but they were in dire need of settling down on a kind of savings plan. Really, these two were such a pair of spendriffs...

"Bridge! I have an idea!" Ezekiel shows his wife a piggy bank. "Let's do this: Everytime we have sex, I'll put a dollar in here! How does that sound?"

"That sounds like a great idea!" Bridgette kisses Zeke. "But...you have to promise not to open the piggy bank whenever you want some cash, OK?"

"Sure thing sweetie!" And with that Zeke kisses his wife.

We skip ahead three weeks, where Zeke has managed to put in six dollars, along with five Bridgette insisted on putting in herself. Sadly, Zeke is in dire need of some cash right now...

"I know! I'll borrow some from my piggy bank!" Zeke walks over to his Piggy bank and bursts it open. His jaw drops. In walks Bridgette.

"Zeke! You promised!" Bridgette is furious. Zeke looks at her, his hand picking up the many ten, twenty and fifty dollar bills.

"Bridgette..." Zeke gets up. "What is this?"

"Well...uh...Justin, Geoff, Heather and Alejandro insisted they wanted to help me..." Bridgette starts smiling like a lecher as she licks her lips.

"Oh my God, Bridgette!" Zeke's eyes widen. "You're CHEATING ON ME!"

Tyler just got through reading a book enitled _"Be The Man of Your House"_ By Dr. Lecter. The book had inspired Tyler to be more of a take charge kind of guy, but he unfortunately misinterpreted what that means. He marched into the kitchen and confronted Heather.

"From now on, my word is law in this house. You are going to cook me whatever I feel like for dinner. When I'm done you'll bring me dessert. After that we'll go upstairs and have the kind of sex that I want. Once I'm done with that you will draw me a bath and wash my back. When I get out, you'll dry me then I'm going to lay down and you will massage my feet until I fall asleep. And come morning, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

Heather looks at him up and down. "The funeral director would be my first guess."

Duncan bursts through the door of his house. "Courtney! Pack your bags because I just won the million dollar jackpot!"

Courtney squeals. "Oh my God, what should I pack?"

"Everything! Pack up and bounce, bitch!"

"Oh my God, now that is sad." Katie sniffles as Cody holds her. "Why can't men and women be at peace with each other?"

"I know, sweetie." Cody kisses Katie. "Why must there always be a struggle between men and women? Why must men and women always try to be on top of the other? Why must..."

Beth interrupts him at that moment. "You jerk you'd better not start preaching over here! This is a COMEDY fanfic!"

That was when Kool-Aid Man burst in! "Oh yeah! Keep it funny, bitches!"


	73. Chapter 73

Total Humor Island

Episode 73: Lindsay writes a fan fic! (Note: All misspellings, violations of grammar and the like are intentional)

Name of the Fan fic: The new girl

Author:Lindsayblueyes

Fandom: Harry Potter

Summary: OMG so like this new girl comes to Hogwarts and she falls in love with NEVILLE. R and R!

Rating: K+

The New Girl

Once there was this girl named Mimsay (AN: Original caracter DO NOT STEAL!) And she was a withc! And she went to Hogwarts. And there she made lotsa friends. And she also met the boy if her dreams. Hbis name was Nevile Long Bottom. And he was cute. And she was a ery very prettyful girl who was blonde and she had blu eyes and she was sexy. She had big bobs and everything :)

So Mimsay and Neville went on a date and they liked the date because they spent the date listening to Celine Dion live, which is what their date was. (AN: I love Celine!) And then Mimsy and Nebil kissed and sghe liked it and it was sexy. (AN: Nevil is my fave character EVAR! Kisses Neville!)

But then Profesir Snap came by and he threatened them with detention! He called Dumblidor, and Dublidor was like "What the hell are you doing you mutherfockers!" (AN: That is not nice to say bad words :( lol) And he cast Crucio and Mimsey! It was because he had a headache, because Dumblidor is usually so nice! And them Nebil is all like "You btich I live her!" And Nebil took out his magik wand and he cat Abra Cadabra on Dumblidor and he rescued Mimsey and everyone was happy! And then he said to Mimsey "Mimsey will u marry me?" And mimsey said Yes! And then Mimsey and Nebil lived happylike every after!

The End

The reviews:

Ilovecodyforever: You suck! This fic sucks, it's bad and you should feel bad for writting it!

Woah!(unregistered user): …...I jizzed...

DevJoAnimaLover: This...is not a good story. I'm sorry.

BigBethaFarmGirl: Your story is bad and you should feel bad!

TheSamurai: I can't wait to read what happens next in your story :)

TheHostwitheMost: Hey, you're kinda hot! PLEASE tell me you're single and legal ;)

100TenMillion: I have no idea why I'm reviewing a story I wrote...


	74. Chapter 74

Total Humor Island

Episode 74: Good Idea, Bad Idea

**Good Idea**

Harold sits down next to a piano and plays the scales.

**Bad Idea**

Izzy sits down next to a shark and plays the scales. She then gets her arm bitten off.

**Good idea**

DJ is drinking home made pea soup.

**Bad Idea**

Owen is drinking home made pee soup.

**Good Idea**

Noah eats escargot in a fancy french restaurant.

**Bad Idea**

Ezekiel eats snails fresh from his garden. If you watch 1000 ways to die, you know how this one ends.

**Good Idea**

Sadie eats an avocado and cucumber sandwich at a local Animal Rights meeting.

**Bad Idea**

Katie eats a chicken sandwich at a local Animal Rights meeting.

**Good Idea**

Gwen dresses up for Halloween as a pirate.

**Bad Idea**

Heather dresses for Halloween as a pinata. Guess what the kids do to her.

**Good Idea**

Lindsay stops to smell the roses.

**Bad Idea**

Eva stops to smell her ass wipes.


	75. Chapter 75

Total Humor Island

Episode 75: Song Parody of 'Friday', by Rebecca Black! Special guest star Professor Girafales from 'El Chavo del Ocho'

"Ok, now. Next on doing her book report is...Lindsay!" Professor Girafales gestures to Lindsay. "Please step u to the fron of the classroom."

Lindsay gets up and sticks her tongue at Courtney. "My book report is on Twilight, by Stephenie Meyer."

Professor Girafales groans. "Didn't Courtney already cover that book?"

"Yes!" Lindsay raises her nose. "But MY report's better!"

Lindsay clears her throat. Music starts...

_7 AM, she wakes up in the morning_

_Gotte be fresh gotta go downstairs_

_Gotta get dressed, gotta get ready_

_Bella's first day is here!_

_Going on and on_

_Taking her classes_

_This is gonna be like every other day_

_Lunch time arrives, she's sitting by herself_

_Who is that she sees?_

_A super sexy hottie_

_She's thinking things so naughty!_

_Gotta get closer to him_

_Edward is his naaaame!_

_It's Twilight, Twilight!_

_God I love this series_

_It's about love conquering all above_

_And I really loved the movie!_

_Twilight, Twilight_

_God I love that Twilight!_

_I think that Kristen Stewart was excellent as Bellaaa!_

_And then arrived a bad vampIRE!_

_His name, his name was JAMES!_

_He kidnaps Bella_

_But Edward saves her_

_YAY, YAY, YAY YAY!_

_Twilight, Twilight, first book's name is Twilight!_

_I really loved that book, my faveorite character's Alice!_

_11 AM, Bella goes to the Edward's_

_It's her birthday, but she's cranky!_

_Gte's a papercut, almost gets attacked_

_But Carlisle saves her!_

_Edward gets all moody!_

_After that he leaves her._

_Bella's now all alone_

_Edward did a dick moooove!_

_It's New Moon, New Moon_

_Second in the series!_

_Introduces us to a new good guy_

_Mister Jacob Black!_

_He's just a super GUY!_

_He's just so super NICE!_

_Nice, nice, nice, nice_

_But Bella goes to Italyyyy..._

_Edward's gonna get himself killed_

_But then that Bella saves him_

_And then they meet_

_A bunch of obvious bad guys!_

_Now Bella's gotta be turned_

_Into a vampire!_

_Edward says "I'll turn you_

_but first marry MEEEE!"_

_It's New Moon, New Moon_

_God I love that New Moon!_

_It's my favorite of the whole series_

_It's so awesome!_

_New Moon, New Moon_

_Yes I am Team Jacob!_

_I just Edward Cullen_

_Is a bit of an ass, yes..._

_BS, Bella Swan, kick it!_

(this rap is sung by Bella Swan)

_Turnin up, planning a weddin_

_Things are getting_

_Complicated, over rated_

_Victoria wants revenge!_

_Gotta choose between the two_

_Edward or Jacob_

_I choose my vampire!_

(sung by Lindsay)

_It's Eclipse, Eclipse_

_I really like that Eclipse!_

_I was rooting for Bella_

_To get with Jacob!_

_Eclipse, Eclipse_

_I was dissapointed with Eclipse_

_In the end Bella chooses_

_Edward over Jacob..._

_Why Bella, why Bella WHY!_

_Bella you just made me CRY!_

_Cry, cry, cry, cry_

_I'm still team Jacob!_

Music ends. Professor Girafales claps enthusiastically. "Excellent Lindsay! You get an A plus!"

"Hold on!" Courtney gets up, furious. "She forgot Breaking Dawn!"

"That's gonna be for another song parody!" 100TenMillion winks to the audience.


	76. Chapter 76

Total Humor Island

Episode 76: Crank call from a radio DJ

Dingo and The Baby are a pair of popular radio DJ's who have their own talk show, 'Dingo and The Baby: Weekdays in the morning.' Their most pooopular segment is when they make a crank call to someone. Today, they call Cody.

"Ecuse me, are we talking to a Cody Anderson?" Dingo stifles a chuckle as The Baby speaks through the phone.

"Yeah, that's me!" Cody does not have a radio anywhere near him. "How may I help you?"

"Yo, we're giving away TWO cruise tickets! It's a delightful cruise across the Carribean for five days with stops at Cuba, Puerto Rico, Barbados and more!"

"Sweet!" Cody jumps for joy. "What do I gotta do to win them?"

"First, find a coworker or any other male friend." The Baby chuckles.

"Ok...Hey Harold!" Cody motions towards Harold. "Come over here! I'm gonna win some cruise tickets!"

"Do you have a male coworker with you?" The Baby hushes Dingo.

"Yes sir!"

"Ok, to win these tickets you need to grab his junk!"

"What?' Cody looks confused, as does Harold.

"Grab his dong, his peepee, his disco stick, his cock, his rooster, his penis, his dick!" The Baby hushes Dingo, who is roaring with laughter.

"Uh..."

"Hey, if you don't want thes tickets..."

"No wait!" Cody breathes in, and hesitantly reaches towards Harold's private parts. "I got them."

"You got what?"

"The junk." Cody speaks in a whisper.

"A little louder plese?" The Baby chuckles.

"I got the junk!"

"How about putting some emotion into it?" The Baby chuckles some more.

"I got the JUNK!" Cody yells out with all his enthusiasm.

"Put your coworker on the phone!" The Baby is trying his hardest to not laugh. "Hey dude, what's your name?"

"Harold, sir."

"And what does Cody got in his hand?"

"He got the JUNK in my TRUNK!" Harold says exciteldy, Cody's excitement having caught onto him.

"Ok!" The Baby hushes Dingo, who is laughing out loud. "Now, grab his junk to win your own set of tickets!"

"I got it, I got the junk!" Harold screams out loud.

"OK! Swing on by to KWTJ Radio to claim your Gay Cruise tickets, QUEERS!" The Baby bursts out laughing alongside Dingo.

"A gay cruise?" Cody slowly hangs up the phone. Neither of the two notice their boss, Courtney, glaring daggers at them.

"Hey, you two do that on your OWN time!" Courtney yells at them. They were still grabbing each other's genitals.


	77. Chapter 77

Total Humor Island

Episode 77: Summer's end special

"Well, this is the end..." Alejandro looks on at the sunset, a tear in his eye. "The warm breezes of the summer have gone, to be replaced by the cool autumn winds..."

"We had a fantastic summer, eh?" Ezekiel walks up towards the pier. "School starts this Monday."

"Please don't remind me of school." Courtney wipes a tear from her eye. "I miss summer already."

"Summer was great." Trent sits down on a rock. "Remember our camping trip in Manitoba?"

"Heck yeah..." Ezekiel closes his eyes, remembering that weekend...

"_Ok, never again!" Trent throws away an empty cup, fury in his eyes. "We are never again gonna make our own Two Girls one Cup video!"_

Ezekiel chuckles at the memory. "That was one hell of a mess we made, eh?"

"I spent a whole day cleaning it up..." Trent looks annoyed, as well as nausieted. "Let us never speak of it again."

"Hey, remember that trip to the beach we took?" Heather closes her eyes, remembering the trip...

"_Oh my God, Courtney, right there!" Heather screams in ecstacy. Courtney gets up and kisses Heather. They are in a changing room at the beach, naked. Suddenly, the door opens._

"_Holy jambalaya..." A little eight year old boy walks in accidentally. "Wow...I think I just hit puberty..."_

Heather blushes like mad at the memory, while Courtney giggles. "I remember his mom threw one hell of a fit!"

"Hey! Remember that trip to Mexico?" Harold closes his eyes as he remembers...

"_Hey there sexy woman." Harold winks at a waitress in a Tijuana restaurant._

"_Uy! Gringo feo, vete de aqui!" The waitress scurries towards the kitchen, away from Harold._

"_She so wants me." Harold snickers._

"Man, those were great days." Harold wipes a tear from his eye.

"Hey, remember that movie we saw?" Justin speaks up. "It was so good..."

Justin closes his eyes, remembering that movie...

"_Astrodoulos! Where are you?" King Apollyon growls. "I have come to take your land, AND your head!"_

"_You have killed many Kings, Apollyon. But today, will NOT be your day!" King Astrodoulos draws his sword._

"_Why have we been brought to this totally different world, Maya?" Joey is short of breath._

"_I don't know Joey." Maya grabs Joey by the shoulder. "But I believe everything happens for a reason!"_

"Wait a minute that movie sucked!" Justin shouts. "I shoulda gone to see Kung Fu Panda 2!"

"What about you. 100TenMillion? How was your summer?" Bridgette asks the author.

"What?" The author turns off his computer, glancing one last time at the emails he had gotten. "Lousy. Rather not talk about it..."

"Well...time to end the summer..." Cody wipes away his tears, starting to sing a song...

_The summer winds_

_Came blowing in_

_From across the sea..._


	78. Chapter 78

Total Humor Island

Episode 78: Cyber Sex on a public chatroom

(Note: All misspellings are intentional)

_10:41PM:TyJo joins the room_

_11:19PM: BicZeke enters the room_

_11:31PM: BigBethaFarmgirl joins the room_

BicZeke: Hey BigBethaFarmgirl, wassup?

BigBethaFarmgirl: Not much, you?

BicZeke: Not much either, waiting for people to chat.

BigBethaFarmgirl: Ah cool.

BicZeke: So...

BigBethaFarmgirl: So...

BicZeke: Kinda quite here.

BigBethaFarmgirl: Yep.

BicZeke: Pretty lonely night.

BigBethaFarmgirl: Yeah, I was hoping for someone to talk to.

BicZeke: Not a lot of girls here...

BigBethaFarmgirl: Well, me ;).

BicZeke: Haha, true.

BigBethaFarmgirl: Why do you need a girl?

BicZeke: Oh, you know...

BigBethaFarmgirl: Are you having a lonely night, Zeke? ;)

BicZeke: Maybe ;)

BigBethaFarmgirl: Maybe I can help?

BicZeke: You wanna?

BigBethaFarmgirl: Yeah, knowing you horny made me horny.

BicZeke: :D

BigBethaFarmgirl: So whatcha got?

BicZeke: I wanna put this thing inside you.

BigBethaFarmgirl: Yeah, you do that.

BicZeke: And then, cum inside you.

BigBethaFarmgirl: Oh yeah?

BicZeke: Yeah, spray some sperm into you. Like water.

BigBethaFarmgirl: Yummy water

BicZeke: I'm not using protection though. You might end up having babies.

BigBethaFarmgirl: I don't mind. Stick it in me.

BicZeke: Sure. No babies though.

BigBethaFarmgirl: Mmm, yeah.

TyJo: Wow, you guys suck at this!

BicZeke: Tyler! WTF are you doing here?

BigBethaFarmgirl: Tyler, how long have you been listening in?

TyJo: I saw the whole thing, you two! I saved it and I'm gonna email it to everyone! XD

_11:50 PM: BigBethaFarmgirl has left the chatroom_

_11:51 PM: BicZeke has left the chatroom._

"Wow, what a pair of losers!" Alejandro types in Lindsay's email adress. "They don't even know how to have proper cyber sex!"

"Something happen, Alejandro?" Tyler walks in from the kitchen. "Hey, are you almost done? I need to chat with Zeke and Beth about something..."


	79. Chapter 79

Total Humor Island

Episode 79: Zombie Movie Trailer

Coming this October...

It's not new...

"_The test subject exhibits unruly and wild behavior." The professor looks on at the zombified raven. "This virus, if it spreads, could mean an ELE, or extinction level event..."_

It's not original...

"_The test subject's escaped!" The young scientist exclaims, her breasts bouncing as she rushes towards her superior. "Thirteen staff members have been infected!"_

It isn't even interesting...

"_Oh Heather..." Courtney carresses Heather's bare breasts, her own hips giving off signs that they too would invite more thn Heather's kisses. "This could be...our last night..."_

"_Courtney..." Heather moves in for the kiss..._

But it IS coming this October!

Prepare for the SCARIEST...

"_I see dead people..." Cody trembles as the zombies fast approach him._

GORIEST...

_Eva shoots the zombie right in the groin. "Damn...Too many dicks on the dance floor..."_

Most GRUESOME movie to have ever come out of 100TenMillion's mind!

"_What the? Lemon Party dot org...?" Lindsay opens up the link. "Noooooooooooo!"_

This October, Total Humor Island proudly presents...

THE ZOMBIE MOVIE PARODY! Rated R for 'ridiculous'.


	80. Chapter 80

Total Humor Island

Episode 80: Zombie movie parody, part 1- Oh My God! Zombies!

In a laboratory, Apocalypse was beggining.

"What happen?" Exclaims Dexter.

"Somebody set up us the virus!" Proclaims Alpha 5.

"We get signal..." Jimmy Neutron shudders.

"What!" Dexter is shocked.

"Main screen turn on!" Jimmy Neutron pushes a button. On the screen is Dee Dee.

"How are you gentlemen!" Dee Dee cackles. "All your virus are belong to me! You are on the way to destruction."

"What you say!" Dexter slams his fist on the keyboard.

"You have no chance to survive. Make your time." Dee Dee's skin starts turning grey as her eyes become bloody red. She walks towards a button. "Ooh, what does this button do?"

She presses the button, which starts up the teleporter. She is teleported to the nearest town.

"Wow..." Mandark walks in on the scene. "Albert Wesker's gonna love this."

"What has the Parasol Company created!" Alpha 5 falls to the ground, weeping.

"So...why did you even make the virus to begin with?" Mandrak sighs.

"For science." Dexter sighs as well.

Meanwhile...

Dee Dee got teleported to the city of Racoon City. She sees a big, fat ass, she she bites it. "Gnap!"

Owen, who had just gotten bitten in the ass by the dumbest, most annoying blonde in the world, suddenly starts feeling queezy. "Oh, I'm feeling...gnap! Gnap, gnap!"

Owen then turns gray, his eyes glowing red as he hops around like a bunny. He sees another big ass, so he hops towards it and bites it. The woman, who jut happens to be my ex, starts screaming, turns grey, and starts hopping around like a bunny. Now she is as ugly on the outside as she is on the inside.

And you know what? I'm glad. I'm glad she got bit by a god damn zombified Owen, cuz that is what she had coming! I mean, what the hell is her problem? Why the hell did she-

(We now interrupt 100TenMillion's Creator Breakdown to bring you something that is authentically entertaining.)

_It's CharlieHarperfan88's"The Justin Show!" With your Host, that hawaiian god made flesh, that super sexy young male model, Justin! With special guest appearances by Spongebob Squarepants, Bruce Springsteen, Lady Gaga and a performance by Hsien Ko and the Rinshi! And here's your host, Justin!_

The crowd cheers for Justin as he enters the stage. "How's everybody tonight?"

"So, I hear talk that in Racoon City there's a bit of a zombie outbreak. Wow, that only happens like every other weekend, am I right?" The audience chuckles along with Justin. "No seriously though. Zombie outbreaks suck ass, just ask the Smurfs! But we here in Canada are the unlucky ones, we still can't get rid of Alejandro!"

The crowd roars with laughter as Alejandro flips Justin the bird. Suddenly, in bursts a zombie!

"Oh my God! Zombies!" Justin starts sprinting away from the zombies.

"Braaaaaiiiiiiins." Moan the zombies as they hop towards the audience. Well, except for one.

"Coooooolooooooooons." Moans the skinny zombie. "They are fat freeeeeeeeeeeeee."

"That's gaaaaaaayyyyy." Moans another zombie, chuckling at how thin the skinny zombie is.

"Hey now, think before you speak!" Alejandro walks up towards chuckling zombie. "I mean, how would you like it if I said something's 'so chuckling zombie'? It's not OK to use the word gay to mean something is bad. In fact-"

(We now interrupt Alejandro's politically corrct speech to return to 100TenMillion's long rant against his ex.)

...just why? Why the hell did you make me feel like shit when YOU were the one messing around with a fricking married man? A MARRIED man! And ya know what else? You're a-

(We now interrupt 100TenMillion's bitch fest to return to The Justin Show.)

"Oh my God! They ate Alejandro!" Hsien Ko looks on in shock. "You...actually that's not so bad."

"I'm not his babe. Judas is the demon I cling to." Lady Gaga wipes a tear off her eye.

"Only I can stop these zombies." Pokemon Trainer Leaf takes out a pokeball. "Go! Slowpoke!"

Out comes a Slowpoke.

"Slowpoke! Use Curse!" Leaf gives Slowpoke the pointer figure.

Slowpoke just lays there...

(We now continue with 100TenMillion's whining.)

...well, what I mean is, I think I want to forgive you, but everytime I think of you, I can only think about-

"Would you cut that fucking shit out already!" Eva angrily smacks 100TenMillion upside the ehad. "Know what? Fuck you, fuck your dumbass shit, and FUCK this Zombie Apocalypse! I'm taking action!"

Eva takes out her shotgun and points it at Zombie Owen. After shooting him in the head, she holds it high above her head. "This! Is my BOOM STICK!"

"Oh my God! She killed Owen!" Sadie gasps. "That...actually that's wonderful!"

"Hopefully now Teletoon will remember I exist!" Katie is angry.


	81. Chapter 81

Total Humor Island

Episode 81: Zombie Movie Parody, part 2- I see dead people

"This is my boom stick!" Eva takes out a shotgun. She shoots fifty zombies with one bullet. She leaps into the air, puts in another shell on her shotgun and shoots again, killing twenty more zombies "Boom, shaka laka!"

"What?" Katie raises an eyebrow.

"Oh my God! Look Katie, the dead are rising from their graves!" Sadie points towards the local graveyard. Sure enough, the dead were, in fact, rising from their graves.

"Oh my God! Look Sadie, it's Zombie Blaineley!" Katie points to Zombie Blaineley.

"Oh my God! Katie look, it's Zombie Ezekiel!" Sadie points to Zombie Ezekiel.

"Oh my God! Katie, Sadie look! It's Zombie Soulja Boy's career!" Ba dam pish! Eva made a funny. "Thank you, I'll be here all week."

"Oh my God! Now what do we do?" Katie grabs a katana, and slices away Zombie Soulja Boy's career. "I always hated Soulja Boy."

"Bitch, I look like Goku!" Soulja Boy's career's zombie keeps crawling towards Katie. "Bitch I look like Vegeta, I'm popping out that old school!"

Meanwhile, at Kame House...

"Do you guys feel that?" Goku stands up. "I feel a disturbance in the force!"

"Oh my God!" Yamcha stands up. "I feel like a shitty rapper is making a song where he compares himself to Japan's version of the Superman mythos!"

It's true. There are tons of similarities between Superman and Goku.

"Let's go save the day!" Goku gives a thumbs up.

"Amazing..." Piccolo makes a cameo.

"I can't help but save the day!" Goku flies off...

And now, back to the Slowpoke.

The Slowpoke opens its mouth. "You uuuu uuuu uuuuu uuu-"

And now, back to the main plot.

"Oh my God!" Sierra has joined Katie and Sadie in running away from the zombies. "Cody! Where are you?"

Meanwhile, at Casa del Codemeister...

"Breaking news! Kim Kardashian has released her latest single, 'Stars are stars in the sky like diamonds on my hand'!" Newscaster Kenny Brokelstein reads off his teleprompter.

"No wonder the dead are walking the Earth." Ba dum pish! Cody made a funny! "Thank you, I'll be here all week."

"Hey Cody, what did the news say?" Asked Gwen.

"Well, Kim Kardashian's released a new single." Cody grabs a shotgun.

"Oh, that explains the zombies." Gwen smiles, but in six seconds frowns. "Oh come on!"

That joke's been told twice. It does not deserve a second ba dum pish.

Suddenly, someone breaks through the door. It's...

"Oh my God, it's Triangle Cranium from the Quiet Mountain saga!" Gwen holds onto Cody in fear.

"Wait...don't you mean Pyramid Head from the Silent-" Smack!

"Do the words 'Copyright Infringement' mean NOTHING to you?" Gwen gives Cody the stink eye.

"Copy...This is a fanfic! It's very nature is infringement of copyright!" Cody shoots Trianhle Cranium in the head. "And besides, 100TenMillion stole that joke from Cactuar and Tonberry!"

"Fanfic? I thought we were in a zombie movie!" Gwen runs behind Cody, following him outside. Because, as anyone whose ever played a Zombie Apocalypse scenario can tell you, that's what you should be doing. Hiding in a safe place is for pussies!

"Oh my God! It's Sora1 He will save us!" Gwen happily runs past Sora from Digimon and unto the arms of Sora from Kingdom Hearts. "Hey wait a minute...where's Goofy and Donald?"

"Oh, they couldn't make it to the movie because fuck Disney." Sora has a grin on his face. He sees the zombies. "Oh look. I see dead people."

Meanwhile...

"I thought the Apocalypse was caused by the Virus we created!" Jimmy Newtron is aghast. "So...why are the dead walking the Earth?"

"Oh, because Kim Kardashian released a new single." Alpha Five takes out his iPod. "It sucks so bad, it's caused the dead to awaken from their eternal slumber and walk the Earth."

"Oh, thank God for the Kardashians. We can always count on them to distract people from when important people fuck up." Mandark turns to the reader. "Does this remind you of anything?"

"Yes, it reminds me of the last time the dead walked the Earth." Dexter sighs.

"When was that?"

"When Soulja Boy first started to sing." Ba dum pish! Dexter made a funny! "Thank you, I'll be here all week."


	82. Chapter 82

Total Humor Island

Episode 82: Zombie Movie Parody, part 3- Where do I put the medal? What, in the fountain?

The Slowpoke faces off the zombies. "..mooo ooo ooo ooo oo therrr rrr rrr rrrr rrrr rrrr rrrrrr..."

And now, back to the action...

Eva is surrounded by Zombies! She loads her shotgun... The Jesus came to the world and fixed everything!

**The End**

"Hold it! Hold the phone!"Eva angrily walks up to 100TenMillion. "The hell is this!"

"What do you mean?" 100TenMillion starts to sweat. "October came and went! It's not appropriate to make a zombie movie parody anymore."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Eva readies her fist.

"I said, it's now November." 100TenMillion braces for the hit. "And no one shows their Halloween specials during November."

"The Simpsons do it all the time!" Eva rages hard.

"And when was the last time you laughed at a Simpsons episode?" 100TenMillion smirks.

"Well...the latest Treehouse of Horror had...the first part...that one gave me a chuckle." Eva calms down a bit. "Yeah, the damned thing isn't funny anymore."

"Just like this fic!" Eva smirks. "Didn't expect that, didn't you?"

"No...I didn't..." 100TenMillion sulks.

"The hell where you doing all October, anyway?" Lindsay and Beth walk up to 100TenMillion.

"I was...playign League of Legends."

"Have fun, fucker?" Duncan cracks his knuckles.

"Yes..."

"Look man, you better finish up that zombie movie parody! It took a long time for us to get this together! Look, Noah's in the outfit!" Eva points to Noah, who is in the outfit.

"I'm in the outfit." Noah walks up to everyone.

"Look, it's November. Nothing I planned for this year has come to fruition." 100TenMillion gets up. "Nothing has gone right, everything is a mess, and I don't need this!"

"Look man, we ain't got time for your shit, finish up the parody!" Cody gets mad. "I mean, what about my skit? I was gonna have a parody of Resident Evil!"

"Yeah, that's what the title of this entire chapter made reference to..." Lindsay sighs. "Please finish the parody..."

"No." 100TenMillion stands his ground.

"Why?" Eva roars.

"Because I've got a severe case of existential depression and I no longer feel like doing any more long parodies!"

"Aw man..." Eva signals everyone to leave. "What a waste. We had everything here. We had cameos from Kingdom Hearts, pardies of Resident Evil, Silent Hill, The House of the Dead AND Army of Darkness, we had EVERYTHING! And it all goes to shit, because the author decided he's too much of a pussy to finish what he started."

"And this was SUCH an original idea, too." Eva sighs. "No one's EVER done a zombie movie parody before!"

"Oh well, what can be done, eh?" Dexter comes up. "After all, it wasn't even that...OH MY GOD! ZOMBIES!"

Suddenly, zombies!

"Oh my God! I better take out my boomstick!" Eva takes out her shot gun. She shoots fifty zombies in the eye. "Alright, listen up you neanderthals! See this? This is my BOOMSTICK!"

"It's a 12 gauge double round Remington! You can buy it at the sporting goods store!" Eva shoots twelve more zombies. "This baby was made in Remington, Michigan. That's right, shop smart. Shop K-Mart Smart. You got that?"

She shoots fifty more zombies. She then twirls her shotgun around, cuz that is how badass she is. "Now...let's go home..."

"This was...kind of anti climactic." Mandark sighs. "Sucks man."

"Well, it wasn't very funny to begin with. I mean, zombie movies are parodied so often, they've become old hat!" Harold walks up to the crowd.

"Wait...you mean, it's been done?" Eva is shocked.

"Yeah! I mean, haven't you ever seen Shaun of the Dead?"

"No."

"Idle Hands?"

"No"

"6Teen's Halloween special?"

"No."

"Ctrl+Alt+Del's cold opening for the seacond season?"

"No."

"The zombie level of the Scott Pilgrim game?"

"Pretty much every webcomic of the Two Gamers on a Couch genre?"

"No."

"Zombie Land?"

"No."

"God damn it..."

"Hey! Don't take my dad's name in vain!" Jesus smacks Harold upside the head.

**The End**


	83. Chapter 83

Total Humor Island

Episode 83: Noah and the Youtube Music Videos

**Tonje Langeteig, "I don't wanna be a crappy housewife"**

_Hi. My name is Tonje. I'm a little pretty girl, trapped inside a grownup's body..._

Noah: "Oh...this is gonna suck..."

_I woke up this morning, and I thought I was young_

_But no no no, my youth had gone_

_I don't wanna be a crappy housewife_

_That's why right now to the disco I go!_

_I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be a crappy housewife!_

_I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be a crappy housewife!_

_I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be a crappy housewife!_

_I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be a crappy housewife!_

Noah: "Then get a job."

**Courtney Stodden, "Don't put it on me"**

_When I go shopping _

_uh uh, eyes be poppin_

Noah: "And then they explode, cuz of how ugly you are."

_When I'm a walking_

_uh uh, jaws be dropping._

Noah: "Yeah, you're so skanky it's unbelievable."

_They all try to be sly_

_When I, I walk by_

_It's not my fault you can't control your guy!_

Noah: "Ugh, this has got to be the worst song ever. It's like watching the Twilight Movie with Justin Bieber."

_I will not be responsible for your lover's, attraction!_

_I will not be a victim of your aggressive, reaction!_

Noah: "I think I owe Justin Bieber an apology. He makes my ears bleed, she makes my soul cry."

**Christian and the Hedgehog Boys, "So need a cute girl"**

_Hey, look at me! I'm sitting here sad and lonely!_

_Without, a fire_

_But a, desire!_

Noah: "Is that...the original song by N'Sync in the background? Oh my God, this guy didn't even bother removing the vocals..."

_to NOT, hear you say_

"_I have a boyfriend!"_

Noah: "I think this is the kinda guy who turns straight girls into lesbians."

_And I, see the ladies_

_Walking, along one by one_

_And I never, wanna hear_

"_I have a boyfriend!"_

Noah: "Something tells me this guy has never gotten laid."

_Tell me why_

_I'm stuck as a virgin with rage!_

_Tell me why_

_I so need a cute girl my age!_

_Tell me why_

_I never want to hear you say_

"_I have a boyfriend!"_

Noah: "Something tells me this guy is never getting laid."

Noah gets up from his chair. He walks towards his phone and dials Owen's Number. "Hey Owen, wanna come over and watch some Youtube music videos with me?"

**Coming Soon: A spinoff of Total Humor Island: "Owen and Noah versus the Music Videos!"**


	84. Chapter 84

Total Humor Island

Eepisode 84: Oh SHIT!

Trent is watching his neighbor, Lindsay, change her clothes. He is using his brand new telescope which he bought the other day. He does not notice his wife, Sadie, sneak up from behind him.

"What are you doing?" Sadie looks cross. Trent, startled, fumbles his telescope around.

"Well...tonight is a full moon, so I'm using this telescope to view it." Trent readjusts the telescope so that it looks at the moon.

"So...was she taking a shower or changing her clothes?" Sadie glares at her husband.

"Oh she was changing her clothes." Trent realizes what he just said. "Oh SHIT!"

...

Katie and DJ had finally gotten married. DJ carries her over the threshold, as is tradition.

"DJ, before we do the deed, let me just ask you not to expect any miracles."

"Why not, Katie?"

"Well...miracles come from virgins..."

"Oh...?" DJ finally gets it. "Oh SHIT!"

...

Harold and Heather are at the beach.

"Wow, the tide's really coming in." Harold kneels to touch the water.

"No, your mom just went out for a swim." Heather smirks at Harold's scowl.


	85. Chapter 85

Total Humor Island

Episode 85: Nine year old Chris versus Santa Claus

Santa Claus goes down the Mclean family chimney. He silently walks over towards their Christmas tree to leave behind little Chris' presents. Suddenly, someone turns on the light!

"Oh look who it is." Chris gives Santa the death glare.

"Merry Christmas, Chris Mclean! I have come here to bring you the joy of the season!" Santa lets out his mighty laugh.

"Oh really? Santa, what the fuck? Is this your gimmick? You think you're funny?" Chris glares at Santa. "Where the fuck is my Nintendo?"

"Oh ho ho! Merry Christmas, little Chris!" Santa kneels down besides Chris. "I bring you the best gift of all, far better than a Nintendo!"

"Nothing is better than Nintendo!" Chris' glare is deadly. "Not even Atari! Atari sucks donkey butts compared to the awesomeness of Nintendo!"

"Oh ho ho! Why Chris, there's always something better than Nintendo! Why, I sometimes wish someone would give me this gift, but no one ever does..." Santa looks sad. "But I have come here to give you this gift...from me personally, to you."

"Wow...it must be a great gift...what is it?" Chris smiles. Santa hands Chris a small envelope. Chris frowns, but smiles again. "Is it money?"

Chris opens up the envelope. He sees the contents inside it. It is a small note reading 'Thank You, Chris.'

"What the fuck is this shit?" Chris glares at Santa.

"Last year, I saw a needy little boy who was all alone in the world. His parents were going through a divorce, and he didn't have any friends to play with. He had asked me for nothing more than a little snow for Christmas. Instead, I had decided to not only give him the snow, but also your Nintendo Entertainment System." Santa lets out his laugh. "This is my gift to you, son: the gift of charity!"

Chris is stunned. Then steam starts coming out his ears. "Fuck your charity you fat fuck! You fat fuck, what the fuck is wrong with your shit? Fat fucker you suck donkey cocks!"

Santa snickers. "You mad, bro?"

"Yes! That was MY Nintendo! Mine! Give me my fucking Nintendo!"

"Problem, Chris?" Santa snickers.

"You're a fatass, you know that?"

"Well, at least I'm getting laid tonight, you loser. Ho ho ho!" Santa walks back towards the Mclean tree, takes off his pants and takes a giant dump under the tree. "Merry Christmas, Chris!"

Santa walks out of the house, smiling. Chris stares at the giant turd, his face flabbergasted. He doesn't notice his parents appearing behind him.

And on that day, Chris was grounded for taking a dump under the tree.

**Merry Christmas everybody!**


	86. Chapter 86

Total Humor Island

Episode 86: Lindsay writes a fanfic again (Note: All misspellings and errors are intentional)

Author- Lindsayblueyes

Name of the Fanfic- lol time

Fandom- League of Legends

Summary- OK so like Ash and Trynameir are kinda like dating and then ramys goes insane and then stuff happens omg ho wil saev Ash?

Lol time

1 time, Ash and her bf Trynamer were in the fields of justus and they were ksing and it was sexy, but then ramys came out of noewr and he says "ok" and then he hit them and Trynamr die! And ash is like "No!" and Raums is like "Ok" and then he turns into a ball cuz that's what he does and he atks ash and ash is like "No!" and ash starts crying!

But then Lux came by and heard ash cry and she shoted "Danacia!" and she shit ramu with her light beam and she fired her lazur and ut was awsum! And then ramus is like "Ok" and turns into a ball and attacs Lux, but ash shotted her arrow and him and he doed! Yay!

And then Lux is like "Ashe I lov u!" But ash is a girl and she dates no girls cuz the bibl says that's bad! So lux started ti cry and it was sad and even the chogath was sad and everyone cried! And then ash was like 'wah, tryanamer!"

But then a sumoner was disconected! And then a sumoner reconected, and Tryndamere came back to life! And then he bought a ring and he's like "mARRY me ash!" And ash is like "OK!" But that's wen raums came back to life, and everyone is like "Oh no!" But then lux shoted him with her light beams again and everyone was happy!

And then a red skelton pooped out!

To be continued...

AN: I'll update...if I get like five reviews!

The reviews:

Guinsoo- ...This sucks

100TenMillion- What the fuck did I just read?


	87. Chapter 87

Total Humor Island

Episode 87: Noah Lawman, Attourney at Law! The Sequel

Tyler is driving along the long, lonesome road. Suddenly, there shined a shining demon in the middle of the road. And she said: "Play the best song in the world, or I'll eat your soul!"

We cut to Noah's office...

"And then the fucker ran me over!" Lilith Aensland cries onto Noah's shoulder.

"Uh...weren't you the one who killed Sadie that one time?" Noah never forgets a culprit. "And just what the hell where you doing pulling that dumb shit again?"

"I'm a succubus! It's what we do!" Lilith cries harder.

"I thought succubi slept with guys while they were asleep so they could steal their semen..." Owen scratches his chin, then laughs nervously.

"Ew, that's sick! Who the hell does that?' Lilith gags. "Anyway, will you help me?"

That was when Morrigan Aensland entered. She saunters over to Noah and she gives him a hug. And by that, I mean that she puts her breasts against his face. "Won't you help my cute little sister?"

"I most certainly will!" Noah's pants have a very not at all mysterious bulge. "For I am...**NOAH LAWMAN, ATTOURNEY AT LAW!"**

The case: Lilith Aensland, age...no one knows for sure... Is accusing one Tyler Jones, age 17, of running her over with his van. Her attourney, Noah Lawman, is representing her and her case against Tyler's defence attourney, Apollo Justice, the Ace Attourney! It's a clash of the titans in this...**TURNABOUT COURTROOM!**

The judge slams his gavel. "Order in the court! The accuser may now present their case!"

"That jerk ran me over with his van!" Lillith yells. "He ran me over, and he never even played the best song in the world!"

"No one cares about Ke$hit!" The judge slams his gavel again. "Now, defence, you're turn!"

"No, your honor, it's written as 'your'. You're is the short form of you are." Apollo Justice chuckles.

"What the hell are you on about? State you're defence already!"

"Your Honor, you did it again! It's 'your'!" Apollo Justice gives the Judge the Pointer Finger.

"One more out of you, and your out of here!" The Judge gives Apollo Justice 'The Stare'.

"Hey! That's my thing!" Fluttershy flies into the courtroom.

"Not one more word! Bailiff! Play me a song!"

The bailiff puts in the cassette into the old cassette player. It's "Papa don't Preach" by Madonna.

"Oh man, I hate it when these artists start copying Glee songs!" Apollo Justice gags. "Why can't they write their own new material?"

The Bailiff is horrified. Noah is horrified. Owen is horrified. The audience is horrified. Fluttershy is horrified. Lilith doesn't give a shit. The Judge is pissed...

"Ok, as Tyler's new defense attourney, I'd like to state our defence." Twilight Sparkle rises. "First, miss Aensland is a blood sucking, man eating succubus, so therefore she is immortal. Second, if she is immortal, then it is clear that she could not suffer any damages from getting hit by any vehicles."

"I object!" Noah gets up. "Miss Aensland is by no means a man eater!"

"Over ruled!" The Judge slams his gavel. "Now, plaintif, state your case!"

"We already did..." Noah sighs.

"Oh...So, the pony makes a pretty damn good argument! How would you like to counter it?"

"Well...she's a pony!" Noah points to Twilight Sparkle.

"So? What does that have to do with anything?" Twilight Sparkle retorts.

"You're for little girls, not for courtrooms!"

"I object! Ponies are awesome!" Tyler speaks up. "And besides, Twilight Sparkle is best pony!"

"What? Did you just say Twilight Sparkle is best pony?" The bailiff cleans his ears. "That's...Nope. 'Twilight Sparkle' is not how you pronounce 'Pinkie Pie'!"

At that moment, Pinkie Pie enters the courtroom. "Oooooh! Did I hear my name?"

"Why yes. Pinkie, we are in the middle of a case. Mind giving us your thoughts?" The Judge smiles at the pink pony.

"Okie dokie lokie!" Pinkie wiggles her tail. She looks at Tyler, and then at Lilith. "I say we let 'em go!"

"Yes! Good idea! Case closed, no one loses!" The Judge slams his gavel.

"But...he ran me over with..." Lilith starts to cry.

"And you're still alive! Case closed, mother fuckers!" The Judge gets off his podium. "Pinkie, do you're thing!"

"Party time!" Pinkie shoots her Party Canon at the courtroom! And everyone had a good time.

Except Apollo Justice. He got disbarred.

The End


	88. Chapter 88

Total Humor Island

Episode 88: Guy Talk

Cody and Trent are playing a video game, when Trent's mom walks by.

"Dude, your mom's hot." Cody chuckles.

"Shut up, dude." Trent punches Cody in the arm.

"No, dude, I mean it. You have a hot mom."

"Shut the fuck up, dude!" Trent punches Cody again.

"She's a milf, man." Cody gets up and runs away from Trent, who begins chasing him across the room. Trent catches up to him and gives gim a wedgie.

"Ok, enough of that!" Trent goes back to the game. "Shut up about my mom, I mean it!"

"Ok OK..." Cody takes a deep breath. "Hey, know who else has a hot mom? Bridgette."

"Yeah, she is." Trent frowns. "But dude, don't even think about talking about moms, OK? Or I'll start talking about your mom."

"Alright, fine..." Cody sighs. "Duncan's mom is pretty hot, too."

"Cody, I'm warning you."

"You think he ever gets a boner looking at her?"

"Sick!" Trent puts the controller away and turns off the game system. "The hell's wrong with you?"

"No, see, Duncan has a hot mom-"

"No! That is sick and wrong, man!" Trent picks Cody up by the collar. "You better shut up!"

"OK OK!" Cody remains quiet for a few minutes.

Almost an hour passes...

"I'd do her." Trent speaks up. "Bridgette's mom, I mean."

"Me too." Cody responds. "Duncan's mom, too."

"Yeah...at the same time..." Trent smiles.

"Dude, I'd do Bridgette and her mom at the same time!"

"Dude...Sick." Trent glares at Cody, but then chuckles. "You think she secretly wants to fuck her mom?"

"Dude, you bet she does! I bet they take showers together!" Cody chuckles.

"Dude, you know what would be cool? Let's call her and see what she says!" Trent walks towards the phone and dials Bridgette's number.

Ring, ring ring...

"Hello?" Bridgette picks up the phone.

"Hey Bridge, mind if we ask a quick question?" Trent can barely contain his laughter. He signals Cody to hush up.

"Sure..."

"Do you think your mom's hot?" Trent holds in his laughter.

"Uh, yeah. She is..." Bridgette raises an eyebrow.

"Would you say she's gorgeous and desirable?"

"Uh...yeah...why?"

"Would you fuck her?" Trent bursts out laughing. In a fit of anger, Bridgette slams the phone shut.

"Oh dude, she so would!" Trent laughs out loud. Cody laughs along with him.

"What about me, son? Would you fuck me?" Trent's mom walks in and takes off her towel, revealing her naked body. They both stare, their mouths agape. Cody faints, and Trent starts crying like a little girl. Trent's mom starts laughing out loud. "You've been trolled, son."


	89. Chapter 89

Total Humor Island

Episode 89: Geoff's dirty jokes.

Geoff goes to a costume party, wearing nothing but pants. The host looks at him, and asks. "Hey Geoff, what are you supposed to be?"

"Oh, I'm an early ejaculation." Geoff snickers.

"But, why are you only wearing pants, then?" The host asks.

"Because I came in my pants!" Geoff laughs.

X-x-x-x-x

Geoff's a farmer. He and Bridgette have three daughters. Each of these daughters has a suitor who is going to take her on a date. To keep his daughters safe, Geoff answers the door with his shotgun in hand.

The doorbell rings. It's the first boy. "Hi, I'm Joe. I'm here for Flo. We're gonna see the show, is she ready to go?"

Geoff decides he's OK, so the boy and Flo go on their date.

The doorbell rings again, this time it's the second boy. "Hi, I'm Freddy. I'm here for Betty. We're gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?"

Geoff decides he's OK too, so off the two lovebirds went.

The doorbell rings once more. It's the third boy. "Hi, I'm Chuck."

So Geoff shoots the bastard.


	90. Chapter 90

**Total Humor Island**

**Episode 90: Ten year old Chris versus Santa**

At ten years old, Chris stopped believing in Santa. That Christmas Eve...

"Ho ho ho!" Santa calls out from Chris' roof. "Merry Christmas!"

"Shut up you old fart!" Chris yells from his room. "I don't believe in you anymore, so you can't come in!"

"Oh no, Chris! Why? How can you stop believing in Santa?" Santa floats down to Chris' bedroom window. "I can only enter the houses of those who believe in me, and you know that."

"Exactly! Now you can never again come in! Ha ha ha!" Chris smiles deviously. "That's what you get for taking a dump under my tree last year and blaming it on me!"

"But Chris, what of your cousin Jeb? Does he not still believe in me? Is he not staying in your house this Eve?"

"Yeah, he must unfortunately pay for your crimes, you old snot." Chris smiles deviously. "If not for you, he'd be getting his Christmas present. You have no one to blame for his awful Christmas but yourself!"

"Oh...Chris." Santa starts weeping. "And what of you? Never again will you have presents from me. Is this what you really want?"

"Doesn't matter, it's your fault!" Chris is angry. "First you deny me my Nintendo, then you shit under my tree!"

"Oh, but Chris..." Santa sighs. "And I had a present, right here."

"Doesn't matter." Chris crosses his arms.

"It was for a good little boy, who deserved it more than anyone I could think of." Santa takes out a big, red box. "A Sega Genesis."

"A Genesis?" Chris' eyes widen. "Oh my God! That's way better than a Nintendo!"

"You know what they say: Sega does what Nintendon't." Santa sighs. "It was for a good little boy, that's here in this house...Have you been a good little boy, Chris?"

"Yes, Santa." Chris' eyes twinkle. "A very good boy."

"I can not deliver this present, because I can not enter where I am not believed in." Santa puts the box back in his bag.

"Wait! I believe! I believe in you, Santa!" Chris opens his window. "Come in, Santa, I believe!"

"Ho Ho Ho!" Santa enters Chris' house. "Merry Christmas one and all!"

"What's going on?" Jeb enters Chris' room. "Oh my God, Santa!"

"Merry Christmas, Jeb! This is for you!" Santa gives Jeb a big, red box. Inside is a Sega Genesis.

"Oh wow!"

"Hey!" Chris frowns. "What about me?"

"Oh Chris! Here you go!" Santa gives Chris a green box. Inside is...a bag of coal.

"What?" Chris is shocked.

"You are on my PERMANENT Naughty list!" Santa laughs out loud. "Nothing but coal for you from now on!"

Chris is agast. "You...old..."

"Merry Christmas! Oh!, and I left a gift for your parents, too!" Santa laughs out loud once more. "So, good luck! Ho Ho Ho!"

Santa leaves Chris' room. At that moment, his father bursts into the room, fuming with anger. In his hand he holds all of Chris' math test from the previous semester: all F's.

"I thought I destroyed those..." Sadly, Chris says that just loud enough for his father to hear.

**Happy Holidays one and all!**


End file.
